Posts Tagged: gratitude

Random Observations / Spirit Guides — 6 Comments
7
Jan 15

On Looking Back

antique espressoThe pie server made a scraping sound in the hard-packed dirt as she finished carving the words – Stop Looking Back!

“Margaret!  What on earth are you doing?  You’ll ruin your pie server.”  Gladys stood with her hands on her hips as she read the words.  “Stop looking back?  What’s that about?”

“Don’t interrupt me, dear.  I’ve got work to do.”

“But you’ll scare the bejeesus out of them.  What will they think when they see these cryptic words next to tombstones?”

“Well, they ought to have the bejeesus scared out of them.  They’re all wasting too much time looking back.”  Margaret stood up from a crouch and walked a ways to a new spot.  She bent to scrape again.  “See that one over there?”  She pointed to a woman in a business suit.  “She’s looking back over her career and wondering where she should have taken a different turn.”  Margaret nods her head in a different direction, “That man is looking back at how he lost his family because of his focus on his business.  And the gal in the dark glasses keeps looking back at what she used to look like, making comparisons to her current self.  What a waste of time!” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Kids are People — Comments Off on When the Apple Falls Far From the Tree
23
Dec 14

When the Apple Falls Far From the Tree

When the apple falls far from the tree“So mom…  you know that movie we watched the other night – the one where the gal worked for that mean lady, and she was miserable, but she stayed working for her for three years?”

“I know which movie you mean.”

She mopped the last bite of pancake through the maple syrup.  “Well, you can’t really complain if you’ve only invested a year.  And if you’ve toughed it out for like three years, that seems the time to make a choice.”

“Yeah?  Not sure where you’re going with this, but I’m listening.”

“But if you stick it out for 16 years, complaining all the way and continuing to be miserable, isn’t it your own fault for staying.  At that point, do you have any right to complain about that jerky woman you’re working for?”

“I see what you mean.  And as long as you remember that that also applies to relationships, you’ll have it all figured out.”  I laughed, “It sounds like my work is done here.”

“I knew you were gonna say that!”

 

Thank you for reading here.  I wish you quiet sparkles, warm hugs from those you love the most, peace by a fire with a good book in your lap, and an optimistic feeling about the new year. 

Be well, friends, and Merry Christmas!

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver — 18 Comments
18
Dec 14

This Wasn’t The Plan

ice on barbed wireThis wasn’t the plan – to be a single mom in my 50s, raising kids by myself.

I had planned to be happily married at this point.  I thought we’d all ski together and travel together and watch movies together.  I thought he and I would marvel at how brilliant our kids are – together.

I thought we’d laugh at being older-than-the average parents of young kids – together.

I thought we’d reconnect after the kids were gone and spend our retirement years skiing, traveling and watching movies – just the two of us.

  Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Random Observations / The Bartender — 6 Comments
9
Dec 14

House with a View

house with a view“I want a house with a view.”

“Yeah, a view is a great thing.”  The bartender dried a rocks glass and placed it on the shelf.  “Tell me, how does a house with a view improve your life?”

“I dunno about other folks, but I’ve got a friend who has a nice place on a hill, and every time I go there, I’m energized.”

“What energizes you?  The view?  The height above everyone else?  The size of the place or his giant TV?”

He picks up the beer bottle in front of him and sets it back down before taking a drink, “I’m not sure.  It’s not a fancy place.  Sure the view is amazing, but it’s something else.  I can’t put my finger on it.” Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Postcards From a Thriver — 4 Comments
20
Nov 14

They Aren’t Me

The Game of LifeThey can say what they want, but they aren’t me.

They can say, “Maybe you spend too much time with your kids.”  They might say, “Maybe you need breaks from being a mom.”  They have said, “You need to get out more.”

I smile and say, “Maybe.”  I laugh and say, “Probably.”  And what I’m thinking is, “It’s not my kids I need breaks from.  I don’t need a break from being their mom, I need a break from being what others expect.”  What I want to say is, “No!  I need to stay in more!”

I smile, because I know where our center is.  I know where the calm is.  I know how to get the harmony back.

  Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 11 Comments
17
Nov 14

Cold Beauty

snowy villageIt was cold that morning at 6:30.  I turned on the kitchen light to make coffee and the thermometer told me it was -7.  The fire had gone out.  By the time Will shuffled out into the living room, the sun was turning the snow into shaved sparkles.  He thought we ought to go out and take pictures.  I told him I’d go out when it warmed to 5 above.

A bowl of oatmeal and five layers of clothes later, we grabbed our cameras and opened the front door to a blast of frozen air.  There’s an indescribable quiet that comes with snow fall.  Maybe that’s what makes winter bearable for this INFJ.  The only sounds were coming from our boots as they made new crunching tracks in the fluff, and the honks of the Canadian Geese as they flew low over the Missouri.

different pathsJen had received a new computer from the frozen UPS lady the night before.  Even though she’d normally be the first out in the freeze to take pictures, she opted to stay behind and get acquainted with Speedy – the name she’d given her new Toshiba.

Will and I immediately set out on different paths.  We’d each snap a couple photos, exclaim to the other about the view, and then cross each other’s path to take a photo of what the other had witnessed.  Later, when we viewed our shots, I was surprised to see how similar our perspectives were.  I’m sure it won’t be that way for long.

snowy eleganceI’ve noticed that as each year passes, it takes me a few more days to get acclimated to the arrival of the cold.  The first week or so finds me standing next to the wood stove, kvetching over too many cups of coffee.  Then the day will come when I drag my butt outside, breathe the cold, take a few pictures and wonder how anyone could happily live without four seasons.  And, yes, I’ve been known to bitch at the slow arrival of spring, when I’m sure I’ll die if I have to shovel the walks one more time.  At least the seasons give me something to complain about, besides narcissism. ;) Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 2 Comments
8
Oct 14

Eclipse Through the Sumacs

eclipse through the sumacsI hadn’t set the alarm.  There’s no need for an alarm for the important stuff.

With a cranberry red throw draped around my shoulders, I unlocked the front door.  Nina comes quick whenever she hears the locks on the door.  She didn’t look up at me for permission before darting out.   I walked to the corner of the yard and saw the beginnings of the eclipse.

Should I wake them?

 

I tip-toed into Will’s room and whispered, “Will, the eclipse has started.” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Survivor Support — 18 Comments
8
Aug 14

Random Thoughts at the Five Year Mark

starting overwow.

This blog is five years old.

wow.

 

Things have changed a lot in five years.  We not only survive, but we thrive on a mostly daily basis.  The health of my kids (and myself!) is testament to the power of connection, the awesomeness of being heard, the cathartic healing found in knowledge and the magic of friendship. Continue reading →

Kids are People / Parenting — 4 Comments
16
Jul 14

On Trusting Your Teenager

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESHe’s a teenager.

We used to read each other’s mind.  I’d leave him in the living room with a stack of blocks and head to the kitchen to get him a snack.  He didn’t know that I was on my way to open the fridge, but he’d yell, “Bwuebewwies, pwease!”

And that’s how it was for years.

It did happen the other day in the car.  We heard a song on the radio and we simultaneously referenced a video we’d seen about an amazing guy who turned a carrot into a flute or saxophone – some orange wind instrument.  Anyway, on occasion, Will and I are actually on the same page.

  Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Postcards From a Thriver — 8 Comments
11
Jul 14

On What’s Missing

still life with pebbleA typical day finds me juggling agendas:

Will’s involving all things golf with segues into fly fishing or spincasting or minnow catching (aren’t they all the same thing?) and begrudgingly mowing a few lawns to keep him in golf balls.  (Did I mention I’m glad we’re done with fireworks season?)

Jen’s involving ways to gut a stuffed animal, fill it with tubing so as to mimic the digestive process of a ‘real’ dog (without the mess), trips to the craft store and coconut oil treatments on blisters created by spins on the horizontal bar that now graces the back yard.

Mine involves tending a belligerent garden, stopping up water leaks, pretending to write on a third book, finding new things to grill on the Weber and repeatedly washing the same three golf shirts.

  Continue reading →

Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations — 2 Comments
16
Oct 13

Do-Overs

 

orange and blue and do-oversHer head hit the pillow and all she could think was, “Can I get a Do-Over?”

 

At 2:30 that afternoon, she’d considered the possibility that it might be best to go to bed and put an end to this day.  She could pretend she had flu symptoms, make a cup of tea, put on her pajamas and bring this crappy day to a close.

But, of course, she didn’t.  She proceeded to touch more things that turned to shit.  She made bigger messes while trying to mop up other messes.

While running errands, she’d noticed the gorgeous fall leaves reflecting in the still blue river.  Blue and orange were complementary colors for a reason.  At least she couldn’t ruin that. Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 2 Comments
7
Oct 13

The List of Lessons

list of lessonsShe drew a thick black line down the center of a sheet of unlined paper.  On the left she wrote the names of people she’s known.  Some no longer played an active role in her life, and some impact her life on a daily basis.  Some stand in the periphery.  Others are knocking at her front door, and some sleep in the rooms at the back of her house.

They all carry clipboards full of notes.

A lot of the names appear on her Christmas card list.  It might be the woman she’d had coffee with on a daily basis in college, but now she was hard-pressed to remember the woman’s adult children’s names.  It might be the guy she’d lived with in college who made it hard for her to look her grandfather in the eye because of the whole “living in sin” thing.

 

The left column listed names of individuals – all of whom left a print on her life. Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 4 Comments
2
Oct 13

Autumn Harvest

Autumn HarvestApple crisp with more crunchy topping than apples?

How about an apple pie with vanilla ice cream?

Maybe a pot of boiled, spiced apples – a chunky apple sauce – to serve with pork loin?

Or diced apples and cinnamon in oatmeal on a rainy fall morning?

I know!  What about an apple cobbler drowned in heavy cream?

Or I could leave the apples in the bowl for a homeschool drawing/painting class.

 

Will came home with a grocery bag full of apples from the neighbor’s tree – an autumn harvest as partial payment for his weekly lawn care job.

Now we have to (get to) decide what to do with them.

Maybe we’ll eat them, one-by-one, just as they are.

 

If only all of life’s issues were this difficult.

 

 

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 1 Comment
30
Sep 13

Goodbye Summer

That went fast.

Remember when grownups would always say that time goes faster as you get older?  Another summer has come and gone and I find myself wanting to acknowledge all the sweetness of summer before settling down to fall.

There were so many good parts:

flip-flop tans

iced-coffees on the back patio (Will learned to make ’em better than me) Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver — 7 Comments
27
Sep 13

A Thriver’s Perspective

“Geez, why can’t he drive himself to Driver’s Ed?”  Jenny reaches over to turn up the radio.

“Well, yeah.  That probably wouldn’t work.  Thing is, life is kinda full of inconveniences.  You can be annoyed by all of ’em, or you can decide to look at the little opportunities hiding in them.”

“What do you mean?”

We are sitting at a light that seems to be taking forever.  “We have to do this twice a day – take Will to class and then pick him up an hour and a half later.  We could choose to be cranky about it, but I like to think that it’s nice to have this car time.  You know…  we see how the rest of the world scurries from school to soccer to the grocery store and home.  It makes me appreciate our unconventional life.  Besides, we get to listen to music, sing, laugh and complain about never finding a good song on the radio when you want one.”

“Yeah, I guess I see what you mean.”

“Sorry about my singing.”

“You aren’t that bad, mom.”

“Maybe you should sing louder than me.”

 

At the next light I say, “You know, it’s kinda like the kitchen remodel.  We can be annoyed at how inconvenient it is to cook or make a bowl of cereal, or even put water on for coffee.  Or we can get excited about the process.  I love that time when Will is at Driver’s Ed and you and I are listening to Pandora and painting.  Those are gonna be great memories.  And I love Will coming home and seeing what we’ve gotten done while he’s been away.”

“I guess.  It’ll be nice when it’s done.  But I do love the painting.”

“And what other mom decides to make biscuits from scratch during a kitchen remodel?  I mean those moments make fun conversations.”

“Hey, I need the pastry blender.”

“Mom, I’ll get it.”

“Thanks, honey.  It’s in my bedroom.”

From the bedroom, “Mom!  What’s a pastry blender?”

Yelling back to the bedroom, “It’s the thing that looks kinda like a slinky with a wooden handle.”

“Got it!”

“See?  We’d be missing out on all that fun, if we hadn’t undergone all this torture.”

“I think I get it.  You have an interesting perspective, mom.”

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