hsp « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: hsp

Moving On / Survivor Support — 16 Comments
5
Sep 16

When An HSP Goes No Contact

When an HSP goes No Contact, it will take some time for calm to seep back in to daily life. Many things that had been a struggle – things that didn’t need to be – become easy again.

Once you’ve gone No Contact, the first time you go to a restaurant, you’ll relax with the realization that you won’t feel the need to catch the waiter’s eye to express a silent apology for the inexcusable way he was treated. Remember how you would wince when the wait staff approached the table? Would your dinner date be friendly, or dismissive? Would she talk down to the waiter, or would he flirt with the waitress?

Even for an HSP, going out in public will be easier now that you don’t have to try to anticipate your partner’s mood.

Pins and needles will find their rightful places in craft projects. You won’t be walking on them any more. Continue reading →

A Book Doesn’t Steal The Covers

A book doesn’t care if you fold the laundry “correctly.” A book doesn’t care what time you put dinner on the table. As far as a book is concerned, you never have to sweep the floor.

A book doesn’t expect anything from you. It doesn’t get mad at you if you have other projects to tend to. A book contentedly waits for you to find a moment to return to it. You can give it 100% of your attention, or let it set there, by the bed, for weeks, before opening it up again. Either way, you aren’t in trouble.

A book doesn’t get jealous of your friends or your family or your successes or the other books you’ve read. A book doesn’t continually remind you of your failings, unless it’s one of those preachy self-help books, but it’d be healthier to stay away from those books anyway.

A book never gives you the stink-eye, or the silent treatment.

A book doesn’t mind if you eat while reading it. It doesn’t care if you dog-ear its corners, or smear a skosh of peanut butter on one of its pages, although the thought of that makes me cringe. Continue reading →

Kids are People / Parenting — 4 Comments
26
Apr 16

Tangling With A Snake

“Why do you back down? If you know you are right, why don’t you prove your point?”

I reached for a cup of Earl Grey. “I don’t like confrontation.”

“It’s not necessarily confrontation, though. Sometimes it’s just discourse. Two people disagree, they talk it out, and they come to an understanding. It’s not a big deal.”

I looked at Jen and she was shaking her head. “What do you think, Jen?” She shrugged her shoulders and refused to comment.

Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Kids are People / Parenting — 5 Comments
10
Feb 16

A Day in the Life of an HSP Mom

My fingers are in my ears and I’m yelling, “La la la la la la la. Geez! You haven’t figured out, by now, that it’s not the best idea to tell me of your narrow misses on the ski hill?”

“I know, but it was SO cool.”

“Bud, anyone would tell you that that is just not something to tell a mom – especially an HSP mom. Tell me the gist, but please spare me the gory details.”

“Right. Right. Right. I’m sorry. I know.”

As much as I want to hear how he does on the slopes, if he gives me too many details, I know I won’t be able to let him go. Continue reading →

Random Observations / Seeing My Path — Comments Off
21
Sep 15

Why You Need an HSP in Your Life

You probably have an HSP in your life. There are a lot of us out there.

If you’re reading this, you are most likely a Highly Sensitive Person.

Many, however, who are probably not HSP, read the title of this post, rolled their eyes and opted to read something else. They are tired of hearing about us. They can’t relate. They aren’t wired to relate. They’ve come to believe that HSPs are an inconvenience or that we are high-maintenance. We’re too sensitive, take everything personally, and get overwhelmed easily. They may not realize that they have HSPs in their lives who serve very important roles.

HSPs are the folks you turn to when you need real human contact. Continue reading →

Random Observations / The Bartender — 7 Comments
19
Feb 15

The INFJ and Lost Souls

“Hey, Hank. How are things?”

“Can’t complain, the bar is busy, the weather’s fine. It’s all good. What about you? What’ll ya have?”

“The dark stuff. Thanks.”

Hank filled a pint, stopping just before the foam spilled. He placed the beer in front of Joe. “Last time you were in here, it was Jack on the rocks. Did you figure things out with the woman?”

Joe laughed. “I’m still working on that. In the meantime, I gotta ask you – seeing’s how you’re the expert – about my sister.” Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 7 Comments
23
Jan 15

The Only Survival Skill an HSP Will Ever Need

Those dear souls flock to your door. They can’t help it. You draw them in with your counselor/helper/listener magnet. (Think moth to flame.) You’ve probably tried leaving the magnet on the dresser, or stashing it on the top shelf of the closet, thinking that if you hide the magnet, you won’t ooze that helper vibe. That helper vibe clings to you the way hurting souls cling to an HSP.

That’s our lot. We listen. We counsel. We comfort. We care. That’s who we are, even if/when we pretend we aren’t.

And so you open your door, pour the wine, stoke the fire and fluff the pillows. Their shoulders relax, the furrows in their brow release and the flood gates open. And you sip wine and listen. You refill their glass and listen some more. You offer them sustenance or a hug and most certainly a tissue. You do this automatically. You’ve done it all your life. You don’t have to remember how to be compassionate. You don’t have to refer to your cheat sheet on how to be kind and caring. This treatment defines your character and drives your actions. It flows from you the way their story flows through those flood gates.

When they leave – after they’ve purged and cleansed and lightened their load – you are left holding their big mess in your hands. But more times than not, you’re still holding another person’s mess in your hands. So you end up standing at the door, saying goodbye, juggling 2 or 10 or 100 different messes from souls who came to your door for comfort.

As you close the door, you wonder how you will clean up the wine glasses, re-stock the firewood, and go about your day while still holding the messes from all those hurting souls. Continue reading →