humor « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: humor

Letting Go of the Rope

She never could get up on water skis. Oh sure, she tried.

Her dad was actually quite patient with her. She can remember the summer he drug her around the lake. He was steering the boat, looking back at her expectantly, motioning with his hands to “just pop up on those skis!”

She swallowed a lot of water. She kept getting in the lake and trying.

She just couldn’t do it.

Maybe she didn’t really want to water ski. Everybody else said they loved water skiing. She should probably love water skiing, too. That’s what everybody did in the summer. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Random Observations / Tools — 8 Comments
26
Jul 11

Lunch for Twilite

lunch-for-a-pony Because a little girl’s imaginary pony can get so very hungry.

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.

Theodore Geisel

Quotes / Random Observations — 2 Comments
15
Jul 11

Everyone Is Just Waiting

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite. Or waiting around for Friday night or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of pants or a wig with curls or another chance. Everyone is just waiting.

Dr. Seuss

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 14 Comments
11
Jul 11

It’s Good To Have Friends

good-friend On my third hike up the hill I was breathing hard, wiping the back of my neck and wondering why I wasn’t sitting on the front step with a cup of coffee.

Then she darted out from the tall yellow wildflowers. Startled, I said, “What are you doing here? Are you walking the hill with me?” She meowed and took the lead – for a bit.

She didn’t block my route, and I didn’t block hers. When the path was wide enough, we walked side-by-side.

We I chatted and talked of the flowers and the wide river and the scent of sage in the air. I told her it was nice to see her and that her presence made my walking more enjoyable and less of a chore.

Then she let me take the lead. We walked over the short flowers and around the tall ones, and when we got to the top she stopped and meowed. Continue reading →

Random Observations / Recipes / Tools — 19 Comments
1
Jul 11

On Nice Boogie Monsters and Aromatherapy

nice-boogie-monsters Jenny made these guys with scraps of fabric, old buttons and polyfill. She stitches little grins on their faces. Some have one eye, others have two. When I asked Jenny what she calls them, she said, “They are Nice Boogie Monsters.”

She made one for me, one for Will and one for our cat, plus some extras, just in case.

They live in a ceramic bowl in the center of the purple dining room table. The wait patiently, some times all day, for one of us to walk by and stop to pick one up and squeeze it. I can’t seem to walk by that bowl without smiling.

__________

I know absolutely nothing about aromatherapy, but I do know the sense of smell is a powerful one. I could Google which scents are recommended for altering which moods and find the perfect combination of essential oils to elevate sad moods, and bring relaxation or a sense of calm into our home. Instead, I looked at the ingredients and combinations and just picked based on what I thought sounded good. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 12 Comments
7
Jun 11

What To Do With A Crate of Lemons

Sunday evening someone left a big wooden crate of lemons on my front step. There were lemons spilling out of the crate and rolling down the steps into my front yard.

Lemons were everywhere.

Oh, what to do with all those lemons.

While I could have decided not to bring the lemons inside, that thought never occurred to me. I picked up the lemons that had rolled down the stairs and brought them into the house. I went back out to get the crate. I placed them all on the kitchen table.

Jenny’s best friend was spending the night, so Jenny was happily oblivious, and didn’t even notice the lemons. Will helped me pick up lemons, all the while asking questions. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Random Observations / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 21 Comments
20
May 11

Not Your Typical Birthday Post

As I sit here sipping coffee, smelling blueberry pancakes and looking at the birthday presents my kids made and wrapped, I can’t help but think I ought to be writing an inspirational post about what it’s like to be turning 49. Gasp!

I could write about 49 lessons learned in 49 years. That might be tricky since many of those lessons I didn’t get the first, second, or even third time, so that list could get pretty redundant.

I could write about being grateful that my mom is still here to make me what I want for my birthday dinner.

I could write about the surprise of my dad remembering my birthday, inviting me to lunch and suggesting that Jen and Will come along, too.

Or, I could mention the amazing growth I’ve experienced in the last few years, from learning all I can about narcissism and how that has helped the three of us.

I could write about how blessed the three of us are with old and new friends, wonderful extended family and the folks who read this blog and contribute to our learning and healing.

But while I’m sitting here waiting for Will to serve me a second pancake, smothered in butter and a splash of real maple syrup, I have to say that I’m wondering if there’s anything to this Rapture/End-Of-Our-Days stuff, that is supposed to happen tomorrow.

I can’t get beyond thinking….

Holy Shit! If this Rapture stuff is true, I won’t have to spend the whole next year agonizing about turning 50!

Woot!

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 17 Comments
30
Apr 11

Middle-Of-The-Night Musings

night-light Jenny can’t fall asleep unless she leaves her lamp on. (We’re working on that.) I usually wake somewhere in the night, stumble down the hall, reach over her sweet, eyelash-framed face and quietly turn off the lamp.

Last night was no different. And because I also had to pee, I mistakenly looked in the bathroom mirror.

Here’s the first thing that popped into my head:

“God. Do something with that hair.”

Then it was, “Can’t you find some better looking pajamas?”

Followed quickly by, “When are you gonna buy some of those whitening strips? Everyone else is walking around with luminescent teeth. What’s your problem?”

I turned off the light, crawled back in bed, and after letting out a long sigh, I thought…

“Give It A Rest!

Let this woman be.

Can’t you see she’s trying?

It’s the middle of the night! Can you let up on her for one minute? Why do you always have to find the negative? How about saying something kind, for a change?”

And then my brain took a turn in a completely new direction.

This is where it went…

Stop those mean thoughts. Right now.
Find something you like about yourself, and – at the risk of being narcissistic – think on that for awhile.
If that doesn’t work, treat yourself the way you treat the kids – except for the way you treated Jen the other day when you yelled at her out of anger and frustration at yourself, because you were wallowing in feeling pudgy and ugly, and exhausted from dragging yourself up the last year in this decade of the 40s.
Sink back into those pillows, get some sleep for this body that could be worse, and greet the morning without the usual angst and toxicity that follows that first cup of coffee.
Go outside and breathe some fresh air.
Go for a walk.
Smile at yourself.
Then get in the car and get some of those whitening strips and some Monster Spray for the Lady With The Mean Voice.

Question: Are survivors of narcissistic relationships more critical of themselves than the average hyper-critical, magazine-reading, teeth-whitening-strip-using, hair-obsessed, muffin-top-fighting, but still lovable, kindhearted woman? Or are we all this mean to ourselves?

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / Opportunistic / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 18 Comments
25
Apr 11

I Hate Holidays

easter-egg As I walked through Target looking for something to get the kids for Easter, I passed the poofy, over-the-top Easter Dresses. I remember getting a couple Easter Dresses for Jenny.

She didn’t wear them to church.

She wore them in the garden while digging for worms.

She didn’t really need an Easter Dress. I needed to be able to buy her one. I needed to be able to take a picture of my little girl in a frilly, crinoline-stuffed, white dress, with a pink satin ribbon tied at her tiny waist.

That dress and the picture were on my list – the long, guilt-driven, impossible-to-achieve list of All Things Moms Do. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 13 Comments
20
Apr 11

It’s On Me

charcoal-sweater Gawd!

I’m doing it again.

I’m complaining…

about the weather;

about Mark;

about Kevlar Man;

about my hair;

about this little town I live in;

about my to-do list;

about the weather. (I meant to type that a second time.)

I’m wallowing in the deep, muddy grooves of my fallback position – that of the negative, the pessimistic, the gloomy and the down.

Quick! Somebody stuff a sock in my mouth.

Enter @PicsieChick –

Her gentle, sweet spirit, carried on the wings of butterflies – even in the depths of this season pretending to be Spring – sent this tweet:

How are you making your day fabulous today?

Yes! She’s right! It’s my job to make my day fabulous.

It’s not Mother Nature’s job.

It’s not Mark’s job. ha… ha…

It’s not Will’s job or Jen’s job.

It’s not Kevlar Man’s job.

It’s on ME to make my day fabulous.

I started with a little half and half and a pinch of sugar in the coffee I usually drink black to avoid extra calories. Muffin-top be damned!

Then I answered some of the questions on Will’s worksheet – for him – to spread the fabulousness to him.

I sent Jenny outside with her roller blades and a dusting of the fabulous sprinkles.

I cranked the music on Pandora.

I called to offer to watch a friend’s cat while she heads out of town. (Yes, offering help is a way to make my day fabulous.)

I opted to make the kids what they want for lunch, instead of what I feel like making.

And now, to work on my book.

It’s on me to make this day the way it can be – fabulous.

p.s. Yes, I’ll be wearing my favorite sweater, too.

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 4 Comments
10
Apr 11

Lessons From the Road

bridge-at-hoover-dam I haven’t been in a hurry to get back to this place. My brain still feels like it’s coming off of a shot of novacaine.

The lights are on, but no one’s home.

Before the numbness wears off and I lose the sweetness of escape, I need to jot down a few notes about why it’s good to get away.

There’s no point in going if I don’t like what I come home to. Escaping only makes real life more difficult to handle and harder to swallow. (You may be surprised to hear that we are happy to be home.)

Leaving for awhile gives me the ability to see the forest instead of the trees I keep running into. The trees seem less daunting from a distance. It’s good to get away to get the big picture.

Continue reading →

Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 13 Comments
30
Mar 11

It’s My Vacation and I’ll Cry If I Want To

I took my mess with me on vacation. You see, I am my Mess.

I bought Allison Nazarian’s book. I hoped to read it on vacation, from cover to cover. I enjoyed the first three pages between cocktails, horseshoes, walking, badminton, washing dishes generated from fabulously cooked meals, riding bikes, driving around to see all there was to see, putting band aids on blisters, making more cocktails and playing that game where you throw the golf balls on the strings at the frame made out of pvc pipes.

I scrambled to make sure that I kept my kids happy, my mom happy and my man happy.

My stepdad can fend for himself.

God bless that man.

Midway through the week, at 2 a.m., I found myself on the fast train to a crying jag. Apparently, accommodators should not attempt to please more than three individuals at any one time, without risking total collapse. I was in dangerous territory. Continue reading →

Random Observations — 4 Comments
7
Mar 11

Keep Your Tips Up – Twelve Life Lessons Learned on the Ski Hill

It’s still snowing on top of eight fresh inches of dusty powder. The only sounds are from the yips of elated skiers and boarders, or the carving of their boards as they pass by. I’ve got all my layers on and my face is covered. Will is in a class. Jenny is appropriately bundled and capable enough to cruise behind me without my having to frequently check over my shoulder to see if she needs an assist.

This is the closest I get to unencumbered, but this is better because I’m having fun with my kids. I’m not cooking for them, or folding their clothes or reminding them of their work lists for learning or refereeing disagreements.

We are in our element.

As my skis glide through wide, arcing turns, my lungs expand with deep breaths. Each completed run acts like an eraser on the chalkboards in my brain. As each chalkboard is wiped clean of to-do lists or my continual monologue of what I should be improving or doing differently, my mood improves.

When I’m not laughing on the chair with Jenny, I’m playing tag with her on a run. In the lodge, we can be seen giggling with Will while we devour spicy tacos and deep bowls of chunky chili. Will eagerly tells us of the jumps he finessed and the moguls he annihilated. Jenny and I assure him that he’s not missing anything by not skiing with us, other than a game of tag and squeals of laughter on the chair. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Tools — 8 Comments
3
Mar 11

Playing the Part of the Stand-In

This morning’s Twitter stream included a tweet from @AlisaBowman:

Today’s Mantra: I am the star of my own life. I play a supporting role in the lives of others.

Her tweet was the cold shower I needed this morning. It was the wake-up call that I’ve been ignoring, or another 2×4 to the side of my head.

After reading Bowman’s tweet, I gave serious thought to my relationship history. I thought of the role I play in my own life, and in the lives of those closest to me. I have mastered the role of the supporting actress in my romantic relationships. The minute I fall in love, I willingly assume the role of CEO of Support.

If he needs me to bolster his confidence, remind him of his talents, say the right words in the middle of the night to allay his fears, clear his calendar for those important seminars, provide timely servicing to help deal with his stress, shine his shoes or gas up the car, I am the girl.

Meanwhile, I take a quick glance back at my life only to see that the lead role is left vacant. I occasionally make an appearance as stand-in, but I haven’t been starring in my own life.

There was an actress in that role at one point. I knew her several years ago. I’ve seen glimpses of her recently, but she’s yet to completely inhabit the role of lead actress in her own motion picture. She acts the part of mom real well. She’s all-consumed by that role, but she hasn’t fleshed out the rest of her character.

When I read Bowman’s tweet I realized that I’ve been so busy supporting others, I forgot to be the lead in my own life.

I want my shoes shined, and my passions encouraged, and my fears allayed, and my tank filled. I want to know what it’s like to support myself, as much as I’ve supported others. I want to know what it’s like to get top billing. I want to roll out the red carpet for myself, for a change.

If this has to be a one-woman show, then so be it.

**Bowman’s site is Project Happily Ever After, a treasure-trove of proven ideas for helping troubled marriages.

Random Observations / Recipes / Tools — 3 Comments
1
Mar 11

Goulash, Good Books and Colin Firth

red-pot My grandma called it goulache (goo-lah-key). She didn’t use paprika like they do in a genuine Hungarian Goulash. My version is more of a whatever’s-in-the-kitchen-pantry variety. It’s a take on spaghetti sauce only the vegies are chunkier and the sauce is wetter. I always make a big batch so as to have some to put in the freezer. It’s great to have extra on hand for ski days or those days when I’m not wanting to go to the store, which happens to be just about every day.

Goulash is my ultimate comfort food. Since Winter doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to turn to Spring, I’m fixing Goulash and reading by the fire.

To the kids, I’m reading more in the Merlin series – The Seven Songs of Merlin, by T. A. Barron.

For my own enjoyment I picked up a copy of Molly Ringwald’s, Getting the Pretty Back. It’s light and funny; she references lots of the stuff from my high school days; and she doesn’t take herself too seriously – just what this weather calls for. Reading her book is like spending the day at the spa with a girlfriend, sipping lattes, and then wrapping up the day with wine, dinner, freshly painted toes and a cheerier outlook.