life « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: life

Who Are You Mad At?

Are you mad at the clerk because of her surly attitude, or was she surly because you loudly chatted on your cell the whole time she rang up your groceries?

Are you mad at the unfortunate soul who answered the phone when you called to complain about your bill, or did you forget to greet him politely?

Are you mad at the guy at work because he had the nerve to ask you to make his project a priority, or are you mad at yourself because you didn’t say no?

Are you mad at her because she says you are too sensitive, or are you mad at yourself for not sticking to your boundaries? Continue reading →

Moving On / My Minimalism / Random Observations — 13 Comments
30
Dec 12

New Growth

Lose weight.

Exercise more – hell – start exercising.

Quit smoking.

Start walking.

She had hoped he’d walk into the kitchen, smell the Spritz Cookies baking in the oven, warmly greet the kids, and come up behind to wrap her in his arms and whisper, “Merry Christmas, honey.” Instead, he walked in, grabbed the vacuum and started bumping into their toes as he cleaned up flour dust and cookie sprinkles. “Daddy, aren’t the cookies pretty?” He took a few more swipes with the vacuum and said, “Yes, honey, now let’s start cleaning up this mess.”

She’d planned to stroll arm-in-arm, watching the snow fall, seeing the Christmas lights twinkle, and enter shops to jointly select Santa’s gifts for the kids. Instead, he told her that he was too busy and shopping was a wife’s job.

She decorated the tree with ornaments the kids had made, hung the stockings she’d sewn for each of them, and hand-colored the Christmas cards she’d planned to mail to their friends and family. He told her he’d already sent cards to his friends and family, and that she didn’t need to bother combining his list with her list.

She put lots of thought into the gift she would make for him – maybe a collage of photos from his childhood, or a shadow box full of keepsakes from his outdoor adventures. He let out a sigh of frustration when he asked, “So, what should I be getting you this year?”

He’d sit on the couch and watch TV while she read The Tub People’s Christmas. When the kids giggled over the arrival of Santa in the story, he asked if they’d keep it down so he could hear his show. Continue reading →

Quotes — 11 Comments
8
Dec 12

What Do You Choose?

When the ego is forced to choose
between happiness and victimhood,
it will always choose being the victim.

– James Twyman

A friend sent this quote to me.

I’ve been simmering on this since Wednesday.

What do you think?

What do you choose?

Quotes / Seeing My Path — 9 Comments
30
Nov 12

On Dodging the Truth

It is a puzzling thing.
The truth knocks on the door and you say,
“Go away, I’m looking for the truth,”
and so it goes away.
Puzzling.

-Robert M. Pirsig

Random Observations — 6 Comments
20
Nov 12

A Thanksgiving Prayer

Thank you for blessing me with Will and Jenny. Their presence is proof that I deserve good in my life.

Thank you for presenting me with the lessons I need. Thanks, also, for your patience while I re-learn a lot of those lessons.

Thank you for knowing how much I can handle, and for not dumping it on me all at once.

Thank you for leaves to rake, fresh air to breathe, snowflakes to anticipate and the change in the seasons.

Thank you for each new quiet morning, the fullness of the day, and the tranquility of night.

Thank you for not taking me too seriously, and for not laughing at me when I do.

Thank you for friends – those who’ve come and gone and left their mark, and those who’ve stayed for the long haul.

Thank you for family and their impact on our lives.

Thank you for giving second, third and fourth chances so that I may continue to try and get it right.

Child of Narcissist / Guest Posts / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / Seeing My Path / Stories — 5 Comments
16
Nov 12

When Your Best Friend is a Narcissist

Guest Post by Anonymous

At the age of 12, she didn’t know why she cared so much about her friend, the one who was a notorious mean girl. The one who played the games that mean girls do… She didn’t understand why that friend mattered so much to her, even more than those she had known forever, even more than the ones who had proven themselves to be kind, caring girls….

She didn’t understand until nearly a quarter of a century later why that person seemed “right” – seemed familiar…. In the two years before she ended the friendship with her narcissistic friend, she often questioned herself, “Why do I even care so much about someone I don’t respect, someone that has hurt me so many times?”

She didn’t put two and two together, that the friend who called her names and ignored her, was a lot like her dad, who shamed her and ignored her. Continue reading →

Homeschool / My Minimalism / Parenting / Recipes — 5 Comments
14
Nov 12

Recipe For Creative Children

Take:

One pair of Shrinky Dink twin tip skis
One enthusiastically supportive uncle
One girl’s unstoppable imagination
Two peanuts, still in their shell
Fuzzy yarn, aluminum foil, a Sharpie, cocktail toothpicks in fun colors, and a hot glue gun
One mom who has the good sense to stay out of the way.

Mix together without criticism, judgment, hovering or micro-managing on the part of adults.

Judiciously add laughter, warm-hearted teasing, big smiles and ice cubes for fingers that get in a tangle with the glue gun.

Include dollops of encouragement and one chunk of unscheduled time.

Result: A kid who finds positive energy and self-confidence when expressing herself through her own creativity. (She’ll make happy memories with her uncle, too.)

My Minimalism / Random Observations / Tools — 1 Comment
1
Nov 12

Stopping the Noise

Stop for a minute and look around you.

Let your eyes fall on something you would normally ignore.

Focus on the negative space that surrounds a Starbucks go cup. Notice the way the arm of a chair curves to meet the seat. Appreciate the pressed corners of the collar on a charcoal grey wool coat.

See the color of the cement when it’s wet. Try to think of the name of the color of a curled leaf. Is it amber? Is it burnt umber?

Continue reading →

Random Observations — 6 Comments
29
Oct 12

Bringing Out the Best in Each Other

The turning leaves are enhanced by the dusting of white on the river bank. The leaves aren’t frosted in white, and the white bank isn’t covered with amber leaves.

The leaves and the snow bring out the beauty in each other.

__________

She offers to fill my calendar along with her own, and laughs when I say, “We’ll take a rain check on that one.” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Random Observations / Tools / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 11 Comments
24
Oct 12

They Have Narcissism Radar

“Hercules was a big strong guy with long wavy hair. Personally, I think he was a narcissist.” (The answer to one of her worksheet questions on Greek and Roman Mythology.)

“Mom, I’m positive Marie Antoinette was a narcissist – look at this picture. She ordered a special palace to be built, just for her.”

“Who did Napoleon think he was, anyway?”

While watching the Grammys: “Mom, do you notice that it’s not about the music, it’s all about what they look like? Do you have to be a narcissist to make it in music?”

They See Narcissism Everywhere

“Mom, do you figure only narcissists drive Escalades. That name just sounds narcissistic.”

“Male lions have to be narcissists, why else do they sit around preening and expecting everyone to adore them?”

“Mom, don’t you think irises are narcissists? Just look at ’em. They stand up taller than the other flowers and then they die fast if they are neglected.”

“Mom, I love peacocks, but they act like narcissists.”

“Mom, you know all the Disney Princesses are narcissists, right? Cinderella is the worst. She’s always standing in front of the other princesses fanning out her dress to hide the dresses of the other princesses.” (You can’t make this stuff up.)

“Mom, do you think Tiger Woods is a narcissist? Why else would he act that way on the course and treat his wife the way he did?”

Even cakes can be narcissists. “Does that cake really need that much frosting and decorating? It’s screaming for attention. It has to be a narcissistic cake.”

“Mom, you can tell from the outside of a building, if a store caters to narcissists.”

When it comes to the necessary tools for surviving narcissism, their narcissism radar may be the most effective.

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 5 Comments
2
Oct 12

What Change Feels Like

Change feels like the steady slow creep to the crest of the roller coaster hill, the brief pause before the crazy descent and the exhilaration that comes from having the guts to go, without the throwing up after.

Change feels like the warmth coming from the wood stove after splitting and stacking the wood and cleaning the chimney – the warmth that comes from self-sufficiency and independence.

Change feels like that pair of jeans that fits your figure and makes you feel good about yourself, even if there are parts of you that you’d just as soon forget about.

Change feels like the time you had the courage to raise your hand because you knew the answer, having been called on, and being right.

Change feels like knowing something – down to your bones: the directions to your brother’s house in a city you visit once a year; the memorized recipe for brownies you make from scratch when that craving for chocolaty decadence takes over; the friend you can call at whatever hour because you both are always there for each other. Continue reading →

Parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 9 Comments
20
Aug 12

On French Braids, Golf Swings and Life

“I braid your hair almost every morning. How come today I can’t remember how to do this? It’s like my fingers checked out and they aren’t listening to my brain.”

I started over from the top. This time I quit thinking about it. I let my fingers do the work and thought about something else. I watched as my hands worked together – pulling in new strands and overlapping them.

“Hand me a ponytail holder. It’s done.”

Jenny laughed and asked, “How did you remember what to do?”

“I quit thinking about what to do and let my fingers do what they do every morning. I got my brain out of the way. I’ve been telling Will that he ought to do the same thing with his golf swing. He needs to quit thinking about it and just swing.” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / My Minimalism / Parenting — 20 Comments
15
Aug 12

Surviving Nicely – 3

The third anniversary of this blog quietly came and went.

__________

I harvested pales of fresh raspberries and discussed freezer jam recipes.

I collected rocks with Jen and counted the different types of butterflies that landed on the wildflowers beside the cabin. We lost track of the count when we spied two frogs in a rain puddle.

I took pictures of a grinning Will and the trout he was catching. Continue reading →

Homeschool / My Minimalism / Parenting — 8 Comments
10
Aug 12