Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop to look around once in awhile you could miss it.
Matthew Broderick as Ferris Buller
Posts Tagged: NPD
16
Feb 10
More On Distractions…
I got distracted by these plump little fairy godmothers. Jenny set them up for Rita, and I fell in love with their sweetness.
If I hadn’t managed to get a bunch of stuff crossed off the list, I’d have walked by these little sweeties, without a second glance. Because I got some things done, my brain was clear, and open to seeing new things. I’m always telling the kids that they will more enjoy a good time, if they get the chores out of the way, first. (Plus, if they get the jobs done, they won’t have to listen to me harping at them.)
And then I was thinking about getting ‘chores’ done on a larger scale. If we attempt to really deal with the big uncomfortable stuff, the good stuff won’t be over-shadowed. We can continue to go through life, avoiding the major problems, and missing the magical little details; or we can try to deal with those issues, and free ourselves up for more of life’s sweetness. It’s one thing to be bothered by a clogged sink drain, it’s another to be weighed down by the major problems in a relationship. Can we afford to ignore those problems? How much sweetness are we missing out on, when we walk around carrying the weight of a failed relationship?
14
Feb 10
Be Your Own Valentine
I was going to work on my taxes today. I was going to try to unclog my bathroom sink. I played all day yesterday, so I’m feeling like I’m supposed to be productive and accomplish something today. (As if spending a wonderful day enjoying the company of my kids isn’t productive.)
Then I remembered, “It’s Valentine’s Day!!”
*sigh*
I don’t have anything insightful to say about Valentine’s Day. If you’d like a chuckle to go with your obligatory box of chocolates, then check out a previous post on narcissism and gift-giving.
Enjoy this quote on love, or this one, too. Continue reading →
13
Feb 10
Relaxation
Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.
Chinese proverb (via Amy Oscar)
13
Feb 10
Narcissism Pisses Me Off
Today we skied like we could be Olympic contenders – in our dreams. We laughed, inhaled fresh mountain air, and got that really good tired. Then we came home and made fajitas, sat by the fire and watched amazing athletes compete on T.V.
It was a stellar day.
Why am I so agitated?
In the last few days, I’ve gotten emails from a woman who is agonizing over the chaos in her daughter’s life. Her daughter divorced a narcissistic man five years ago, and this man is still making her daughter’s life a living hell.
I’ve gotten an email from another woman who found the courage to leave her narcissistic husband, but she doubts her decision on a daily basis, because this man continually tells her that she’s making a monumental mistake. Continue reading →
10
Feb 10
Narcissism and Lack of Awareness
I am writing at the purple table. I reach for a sip of coffee and kick the cat.
I did not kick her on purpose.
I’ve already mentioned that we live with the world’s most patient cat. She is affectionate and loving, and she likes my ankles.
I sit at the table, right leg crossed over left, writing, answering questions, breaking up fights, sipping coffee, and writing some more. Invariably, I have to get up to fix or get or find something, and when I do, I pick up my right leg. When I lift my leg to get off the chair, my foot comes up and kicks Nina.
I usually catch her in the ribs. Continue reading →
9
Feb 10
Bedtime Tonic
A good gulp of hot whiskey at bedtime — it’s not very scientific but it helps.
Alexander Fleming
9
Feb 10
Nighttime and the Narcissist
Who thinks of you at night? Who thinks of you as they turn out the light? Who sends up a little prayer for you, or gives thanks that you are in their life?
Last night, on my way to bed, I checked on Will and Jenny. I do every night. Seems I can’t go to sleep unless I check on them first. It probably isn’t necessary. I tuck them in every night. But I have to see them before I go off to bed. I remember one night several years ago, I was preoccupied, went to bed, read a bit, turned out the light, and settled in. I was just hitting that sweet spot between wakefulness and snooze, when I bolted upright and realized I hadn’t checked on them. I jumped out of bed to make sure that they were snuggled safely in their beds. Every now and then, Will asks me if I still check on them before I go to bed. I’m not sure I could go to sleep without first checking on them.
I don’t think it is too much to expect that a spouse or partner might think of you before he closes his day. Of course, we are busy and exhausted. There are so many distractions. There is the need to just unwind and not have to fulfill anymore obligations. But at the end of the day, can’t we make time for this person who shares a life with us — struggles and all? Can we share a warm glance that says, “I’m glad you’re here, even if I’m too damn tired to do anything about it?”
I can guess what ran through Mark’s head when I was still living in his house. It was probably a lot like this:
“Damn, when is that woman going to figure out how to fix pork chops the way I like ’em? I wish she’d leave me alone with the remote. God, I hope she tucks the kids in, it’s her job anyway. I wonder if she remembered to take the garbage out? Shouldn’t those toys be picked up by now? I wonder if I have clean socks for tomorrow? Do I have to sit through one more story about the kids? Wonder if I’ll get any tonight?” Continue reading →
7
Feb 10
The Proper Care and Feeding of Your Narcissist
Eight years ago on Super Bowl Sunday, I was two months pregnant with Jenny. I had round-the-clock morning sickness. To this day, I tell Jenny that she was worth every trip to the bathroom.
One of my favorite pictures is a shot of me, looking awful from the morning all-day sickness, holding a gallon-sized container of Atomic Fireballs. There’s something about the hot spicy jawbreakers that kept the sickness at bay. They were an absolute lifesaver. I had an Atomic Fireball in my mouth for 7 months.
Poor Will was going on four years old. He got used to me hanging out in the bathroom. In fact, after Jenny was born, I was doing something, let out a cough, and I heard Will say, “Mommy, are you throwing up again?”
Anyway, we had been invited to a Super Bowl Party. I was sitting in a chair, trying to summon up the strength to put on my shoes. I did not want to go to the party, but I didn’t want to disappoint Mark and Will. I looked at Mark and said, “I’m so sorry, but I just can’t go. I feel like all I’ve been doing is trying to simply exist.” He looked at me, let out a sigh of frustration and said, “Well, that is all you’ve been doing.”
__________ Continue reading →
1
Feb 10
When Narcissists Win Grammys
We watched the Grammys last night. The Grammys might also be called, “The Music World’s Parade of Narcissists“. We watched to see the artists we like, but as the spectacle continued, we became annoyed by the display of glitz and the embarrassing acceptance speeches. The extravaganza took on all the fascination of a train wreck. We felt compelled to watch to see which Narcissist would attempt to out-do the other Narcissists.
It was painful, hilarious, disgusting, and not in the least entertaining. Just what do the Grammys have to do with music?
At the risk of sounding like I’m channeling my grandma when she watched the debut of the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan Show, I have to wonder, what do baggy pants have to do with entertainment? The station had to block the sound on half of the lyrics “sung” by Eminem and his bad-ass buddies. Is this music worthy of any awards?
At one point Jenny said, “Why don’t they wear regular clothes, stop acting so weird, and just sing?” Will noticed that the audience wasn’t clapping very enthusiastically, and said, “I think they’re only clapping to be polite.” What part of the Elton John/ Lady Gaga spectacle was entertaining? Maybe it was a fine display of marketing and packaging in an attempt to sell more CDs, but I’m not rushing out to buy anything based on what I saw, and I like Elton John.
Check out the lyrics for the Black Eyed Peas’, ‘Imma Be’. The only line missing is, “Imma Be a Narcissist.” Continue reading →
31
Jan 10
Invest Wisely
The four most dangerous words in investing are, ‘This time it’s different’.
John Templeton
31
Jan 10
Narcissism and ROI
I had the “Finals Week Dream” last night. I used to have that one a lot. In the dream, it’s finals week and I’m looking at the printout that shows the schedule for my finals. I’m going over the schedule, thinking about how much time I’ll be able to cram for each test, and I see a final on there that makes me absolutely panic. I keep staring at the class number. My brain starts spiraling.
Crap.
I forgot to go to that class last quarter! How can I pass a final for a class I forgot to attend?
I guess it has something to do with failing to be prepared? I’ve heard of people having the “Forgot The Baby On Top of the Car Dream”. Mine is always about having to take a final for a class I never attended.
After waking to that sense of relief that comes with realizing that it’s just a dream, my mind had all these accounting acronyms swimming around in it. Things like ROI (Return On Investment), LIFO (Last In First Out), and FIFO (First In First Out), that I haven’t thought about since college. Continue reading →
28
Jan 10
The Blogger as Narcissist
Maybe I’m the Narcissist?
I’m the one writing this blog.
Could be I’m every bit as narcissistic as my wasband.
That thought used to keep me awake at night.
I’ve taken the tests. I’ve read the books. It’s not lost on me that with as much time as I spend writing and thinking about my life, I could be every bit as narcissistic as he is. Add to that the fact that I’m putting this all out there for the world to see. But I have enough experience in, and knowledge about, NPD to know that I’m not the narcissist.
I sleep well.
Writing this blog has been the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I started out venting, spewing, rationalizing and explaining. Now I see that writing this blog has been instrumental in helping me move on. There are fewer days when I wallow in the “poor me”; and a lot more days when I marvel at how far the three of us have come. Continue reading →
27
Jan 10
Diet or Divorce
I did a double-take when I saw him. Is that who I think it is? We were walking toward each other, and I could tell that he was trying to figure out who I was, too. “Hey, Jesse, is that you?” It was him. “Chris, how are you? Haven’t seen you in awhile.”
He was a lot thinner than the last time I’d seen him. He had that crooked smile that I remembered from high school. He had a spring in his step. It’d been about four years since we’d last visited. He used to come into Mark’s shop. We’d compare notes on kids, marriage, and the weather. He always looked like he was going through the motions, pretending to be happily married, saying all the right things, and enthusiastically speaking of his son’s soccer games or hunting trips. But each time I saw him, he was a little heavier, a little sadder, a little bit collapsing under the weight of the world.
“So, Jess, how come I never see you at the shop?” It always surprises me when I run into someone that doesn’t know I’m divorced. We live in a pretty small town. “I divorced the shopkeeper.” Chris said, “Hey, I’m going through the same thing right now! Never been happier. I’ve lost 65 pounds since June. I feel great!” I asked how long he’d been married, and he said he’d made it 22 years. I said, “Geez, I only made it 12.”
As we went on our separate ways, Chris said, “12 years is a long time if you aren’t with the right person.”
25
Jan 10
Why Did the Narcissist Cross the Road?
The other night I really yelled at Jenny. Yes, it is only January, and I have already managed to remove myself from contention for Mother of the Year – 2010. That didn’t take long. Truth be told, I probably committed my first infraction on January 1st.
Jenny is a selective eater. In Jenny’s case, ‘experimental eating’ means anything other than PBJ, chocolate milk, mandarin oranges and finely grated cheddar cheese. I had put a bowl of homemade soup in front of her. I will say that at least she tries what I present. She doesn’t whine. She has a couple bites and then politely asks for something that she will actually eat. This particular night, I blew a grommet. I lost my temper. I know all the psychological damage that can be caused by making an issue out of food. I have my own fond memories of sitting at the table trying to gag down ice-cold canned spinach – like it’s any better when it’s warm.
I’m not proud to tell you that she ended up in tears. I was a jerk. After I made her a peanut butter and jelly, I apologized. I really apologized. I said, “Jenny, I am sorry.” I thought of saying any one of the following:
- “I’m sorry. I’m getting my period. I wish you would eat the damn soup.”
- “I’m sorry, but you frustrate the hell out of me and I just wish you would eat what I put in front of you.”
- “I’m sorry that you are so selective about what you eat.”
- “I’m sorry I spent all day making homemade soup, only to have you turn your nose up at it.”
Instead, I admitted that I made a mistake, and I simply said, “I am sorry,” without justifications, rationalizations or explanations. Continue reading →
