proactive « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: proactive

Words Got Her Out

A few more boxes to pack and load into the car and she’d be done.

She thumbed through magazine clippings that had been filed in an office drawer. Some clippings dated back to her college years – that dreamy phase of, “When I grow up and marry, I hope my kitchen has …..”

There were clippings of herb gardens, bathroom paint colors in sage and mint, examples of open shelves instead of upper cabinets for the ideal kitchen, and nursery ideas.

__________

Her girlfriends thought she was crazy for not wanting upper kitchen cabinets. She loved how open shelving prevented her from collecting junk. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Parenting / Survivor Support / Tools — Comments Off
24
Jan 13

Survivor Support

In Survivor Support, I will call your attention to a new commenter who reaches out to us for encouragement or guidance or a compassionate ear.

We have created a most healthy group of wise individuals who send positive ripples out whenever needed.

It’s time to send more ripples.

Survivors and Thrivers, please see Kristin’s comment on this post.

Thanks,

Jesse

Moving On / Parenting / Seeing My Path / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 30 Comments
4
Dec 12

On Red Flags and Starting Over

Does he monopolize the conversation? Does he fail to ask of my life?

Does he care more about his looks than I care about mine? Do I get to be the pretty one in this relationship?

Does he treat Jen and Will like they are a nuisance?

Does he have friends? Does he get along with his family? How does he talk about his kids? How does he treat a waitress or the clerk at the grocery?

Does he act entitled? Does he lack empathy? Continue reading →

Quotes / Seeing My Path — 9 Comments
30
Nov 12

On Dodging the Truth

It is a puzzling thing.
The truth knocks on the door and you say,
“Go away, I’m looking for the truth,”
and so it goes away.
Puzzling.

-Robert M. Pirsig

Child of Narcissist / Guest Posts / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / Seeing My Path / Stories — 5 Comments
16
Nov 12

When Your Best Friend is a Narcissist

Guest Post by Anonymous

At the age of 12, she didn’t know why she cared so much about her friend, the one who was a notorious mean girl. The one who played the games that mean girls do… She didn’t understand why that friend mattered so much to her, even more than those she had known forever, even more than the ones who had proven themselves to be kind, caring girls….

She didn’t understand until nearly a quarter of a century later why that person seemed “right” – seemed familiar…. In the two years before she ended the friendship with her narcissistic friend, she often questioned herself, “Why do I even care so much about someone I don’t respect, someone that has hurt me so many times?”

She didn’t put two and two together, that the friend who called her names and ignored her, was a lot like her dad, who shamed her and ignored her. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Parenting / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 8 Comments
16
Oct 12

Mission Impossible: Relationship With a Narcissist

You could make a conscious choice to give up on pursuing your dreams, your goals and your passions.

You could end relationships with best friends from college, family members and the women in your book club.

You could always eat at her favorite restaurant, wear your hair the way he likes, decorate your house to please her, cook only his favorite meals, and forget that you ever had preferences of your own.

You could have conversations where you do all the listening and never get to speak of what is on your mind or in your heart.

Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Quotes / Random Observations / Stories — 24 Comments
7
Oct 12

A Ripple of Light

She sits in the glow of the computer screen, wringing her hands. It’s late – kids are in bed. She’d put her fingers on the home row and type, but she doesn’t know what to say.

She doesn’t know how to help.

She reads their words and feels their anguish. She senses the tightness in their chests. She hears the worries that keep them from sleep.

The instinct to want to protect their babies runs deep.

There is power in their anger. The strength required to control their anger makes them far stronger than most. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 5 Comments
2
Oct 12

What Change Feels Like

Change feels like the steady slow creep to the crest of the roller coaster hill, the brief pause before the crazy descent and the exhilaration that comes from having the guts to go, without the throwing up after.

Change feels like the warmth coming from the wood stove after splitting and stacking the wood and cleaning the chimney – the warmth that comes from self-sufficiency and independence.

Change feels like that pair of jeans that fits your figure and makes you feel good about yourself, even if there are parts of you that you’d just as soon forget about.

Change feels like the time you had the courage to raise your hand because you knew the answer, having been called on, and being right.

Change feels like knowing something – down to your bones: the directions to your brother’s house in a city you visit once a year; the memorized recipe for brownies you make from scratch when that craving for chocolaty decadence takes over; the friend you can call at whatever hour because you both are always there for each other. Continue reading →

Control / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 1 Comment
29
Sep 12

Control Your Destiny

I believe that you control your destiny,
that you can be what you want to be.
You can also stop and say,
“No, I won’t do it, I won’t behave his way anymore.
I’m lonely and I need people around me,
maybe I have to change my methods of behaving.”
And then you do it.

– Leo Buscaglia

Quotes — 4 Comments
8
Sep 12

De-Stress

The greatest weapon against stress
is our ability to choose one thought over another.

-William James

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / My Minimalism / Parenting — 20 Comments
15
Aug 12

Surviving Nicely – 3

The third anniversary of this blog quietly came and went.

__________

I harvested pales of fresh raspberries and discussed freezer jam recipes.

I collected rocks with Jen and counted the different types of butterflies that landed on the wildflowers beside the cabin. We lost track of the count when we spied two frogs in a rain puddle.

I took pictures of a grinning Will and the trout he was catching. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Parenting / Stories / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 25 Comments
17
Jul 12

A Wink From the Universe

She certainly didn’t need another cup of coffee.

She looked inside her purse to make sure the box of Pepcid was there. She wouldn’t have been surprised if – in the panic this morning – she’d left it on the kitchen counter.

Good. There was the Pepcid. She took one with a sip of cold coffee.

The worst part about these court appearances is that they were early in the day – too early for liquid courage.

At least the kids didn’t have to be at this court appearance. It was stressful enough without having to consider the emotional fallout from the kids. It’s not like she could pump them full of antacids.

__________ Continue reading →

Control / Moving On / My Minimalism / Quotes — 1 Comment
21
Jun 12

Say It With Me

Half of the troubles of this life
can be traced to saying yes too quickly
and not saying no soon enough.

– Josh Billings

What is a rebel? A *woman* who says no.

– Albert Camus

My Minimalism / Random Observations / Tools — 11 Comments
19
Jun 12

It’s Time To Say No

When you no longer notice the beauty in the things you possess, and shop for new, “more beautiful” objects.

When politely ignoring a situation doesn’t make it go away.

When you’re so over-scheduled that you can hardly wait to go to bed.

When you hate getting out of bed in the morning.

Continue reading →

Moving On / My Minimalism / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 17 Comments
14
Jun 12

The Best Kind of Party

Grab a pen. We’re going to plan a party.

Really.

This’ll be fun.

What if you planned your life like you would plan the ultimate party?

Wait…. don’t tell me you hate planning parties. That’s probably because you think that you have to invite certain people, serve particular foods and drinks, provide a sparkling evening that will please everyone and clean up the mess when it’s over. Continue reading →