It’s cold outside.
I won’t know anyone there.
I can’t go dressed like this.
Everyone will be younger.
Everyone will be older. Continue reading →
Posts Tagged: proactive
5
Dec 11
I Want to be a Sparkly Turquoise Scrunchy
It sat there for six days.
I couldn’t bring myself to put it away.
In my typical state of doing too many things at once, while talking to Will, brushing my teeth and straightening the bathroom, I almost tossed it in the cupboard.
But I stopped myself.
I had grown to like the look of it.
Really.
I’m okay.
I swear.
__________
I liked its simpleness.
I liked its sparkles.
I liked that it barely left a slight shadow.
I liked how it stood out amongst the things it sat beside.
I liked how it waited patiently until it was pressed into service.
I liked that it didn’t have an identity crisis, and knew completely and without a doubt what it was expected to do. It might be worn on a tiny wrist or twisted into a doll’s hair, but it had a single, primary function that it performed better than most anything else.
It didn’t care that it was no longer in style.
It didn’t care that it wasn’t used very often.
It levitated happily, in its place, letting its shiny threads brighten our day.
Oh… to be a Sparkly Turquoise Scrunchy.
30
Nov 11
What Do You Need To Be Happy?
I could have said, “Geez you guys! I can’t handle this stuff laying around everywhere!”
I could have said, “I want more time to do what I love, instead of having to pick up after you two!”
I could have said, “I need a break from this mess!”
I could have said a number of things, but while I was washing off the metaphorical dirt in the shower, I hatched a better plan.
It went something like this:
Take out a piece of paper. Continue reading →
28
Nov 11
Ignore the Two Steps Back
One step forward, two steps back.
One step forward, two steps back.
One step for……
I know, already!
Yet I can be found grumbling, kicking rocks and beating myself up with each one of those steps taken back.
My cheerleader voice says:
“Focus on the progress.”
“See how far you’ve come.”
“Hello, Girl! You are way better off now than you were five years ago!”
“It’s okay to slip up once in awhile.”
And because I was never a cheerleader in real life – is high school real life? – I gravitate to the curmudgeon side of me that says:
“Why do you let him get to you?”
“Wow, Jesse, way to emulate grace and poise,” in a most facetious tone.
“Hello? Have you forgotten what the pattern is here?”
And then the wise old soul in me – the one who lightens up, the one who doesn’t take all this shit too seriously, the one gently encouraged by the Universe, the one whose cup is empty says:
“Jesse, it’s okay.”
“That’s what it’s like to be human.”
“Slip-ups happen on the way to progress.”
“You are showing your kids that it’s okay to make a mistake, own it, and move on.”
“Remember that thing about the bitter and the sweet?”
“Just keep moving, honey, and don’t put so damn much emphasis on those two steps back.”
14
Nov 11
The Impact of Attitude
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company … a church … a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude … I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it.
And so it is with you … we are in charge of our Attitudes.
C. Swindoll*
I have a choice.
I could wake this morning, annoyed that winter is on its way, and I’ll soon be shoveling walks and hauling firewood; or I could appreciate the built-in exercise routine that doesn’t require a monthly health club fee.
I could be angry that I am a single mom with full responsibility for raising two kids by myself; or I could appreciate how fortunate I am that they are with me 98 percent of the time.
I could be missing the much nicer house we used to live in, and the lack of money worries; or I could appreciate that this home is full of love and comfort, and my kids have learned valuable lessons that come from living within our means.
I could be annoyed by the mess from the English Muffins and coffee makings; or I could appreciate that they can make their own breakfast, and make me a cup while they’re at it.
I could be anxious that I’m single and 49; or I could revel in the sheer joy of being single and 49.
I could be worried about what the future holds, and whether I’ll benefit from the choices I’m making; or I could trust that the level of contentment I see in the three of us is a good indication that we are headed in the right direction.
I could be cranky about having started a bathroom remodel when I know next to nothing about such things; or I could turn this into a homeschool project where all three of us learn in the process.
I could bark at the kids when I can’t handle the mess; or I could acknowledge that this is their house, too, and gently ask them to help when I feel overwhelmed.
__________
I could choose to see what is wrong in our life and our choices; or I could choose to see what is right.
I can choose to wake with a positive attitude and greet my two with a smile and a kind voice that gets the day off to a good start.
I have a choice.
*Thank you, Kate. ;)
9
Nov 11
Ordinary, Everyday Bright Spots
They are in there.
I promise.
You might have to train yourself to look at things differently.
Some bright spots may require a little effort on your part.
Some bright spots just happen.
Once you notice them, savor them.
- Perfectly steeped tea, toast with the right amount of seedless raspberry jam, a good magazine and a few quiet moments to read.
- A Jackson Browne song, followed by a Bonnie Raitt song, followed by Fleetwood Mac on the radio as you’re driving down a tree-lined street under a canopy of red, yellow and gold.
- When the kids enjoy working together to build a ginormous pile of leaves for jumping in; and the sound of their caring, cooperative voices laughing and happy.
- A canceled dad visit.
- An email from a friend that simply says, “I was thinking of you today.”
- The cat jumping into your lap, simultaneously warming you and slowing your heart rate.
- When she finds the perfect leaf engraved with the mysterious zig zag and sets about pressing it in waxed paper between two heavy cookbooks, and doesn’t ask for help.
- When he yells, “Thanks for washing my clothes, mom!”
- A long, hot, uninterrupted, steamy shower with time to apply rosemary-scented pumice foot rub on dry cracked heels.
- Spontaneous hugs and whispers of “I love you” from the child who didn’t use to be so demonstrative.
- When she says, “Mom, can I fold the towels? Please?”
- When, at 4:30, you call and invite someone for dinner at 6, and they say, “Yes! And I’ll bring the wine!”
- When you stop raking for a second, realize that it’s not windy, and you can hear the train rumbling along the tracks down by the river and the high-pitched sound of the wings of the Canadian Geese as they fly over head.
- That first sip of Merlot when the spaghetti sauce is simmering gently, the kids are outside rolling in the leaves and Dean Martin’s version of Sway comes on the iPod.
- That delicious place at the end of the day when all the doors are locked, the kids are tucked in safely, you lay back on a new pillow, open up a new book, and realize you have the freedom to read for as long as you want.
- The moment when you realize that all your choices have brought you to this place in time, and you discover that you are right where you want to be.
20
Oct 11
Selective Ignorance
Who am I to question the wise words of Maya Angelou?
When I discovered that quote, it didn’t sit right with me, and yet I still posted it. Now, I’m wondering if I posted her quote because I wish – with all my heart – that we could allow kids to be uninformed. (I like uninformed better than ignorant.)
I wish my kids could waltz through their childhoods believing in the mischievousness of Larry the Leprechaun, the eternal kindness and generosity of Santa and the mystery of the Tooth Fairy without having to know the darker sides of human nature.
I’d love nothing more than for them to think all teachers are as endearing as Miss Honey.
I want them to sail through these years without having to know what sexting is. I want Will to go to the skate park without my having to define the terms he finds written in spray paint in the bowls of the park. I want Jenny to be able to wear her hair in braided pigtails without other girls teasing her that she still dresses like a little girl. Continue reading →
16
Oct 11
Ignorance is Bliss
Children’s talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.
– Maya Angelou
14
Oct 11
A Different Version of Normal
At his address, the toys are neatly put away, the art supplies stay tucked in the cupboard and the towels are folded the minute the dryer buzzes.
At her address, the toys are everywhere, the baby dolls have dinner with the family, the art supplies are never tucked away because they are used constantly and the clean towels are grabbed out of the laundry basket on the way to the shower.
…
Dinner at his house is something adults would enjoy eating and kids would pick around while hoping to get a PBJ after the dishes are done. Around the table in the orderly dining room, more attention is paid to manners and less to conversation.
Dinner at her house is about coming together, helping with the prep, making sure there’s something on the table that each person will eat, and moving art supplies to make room for plates. There might be a gentle reminder about not talking with a mouthful of macaroni. There will be lots of laughing, stories of the day, and sometimes a few tears. Continue reading →
3
Oct 11
Serendipity in a Story
Through tears she asked, “How come he says other kids do things well, but he can’t say that about me? How come he doesn’t think I’m great? What do I have to do to get him to say those things about me?”
Will turned to me and said, “Mom, you have to call him. Tell him! Tell him he needs to say that stuff about Jenny. Tell him it hurts Jen’s feelings when he brags about other kids and doesn’t talk about what Jen does. Call him!”
I asked Will to hand Jenny a kleenex.
“Honey, I can call your dad if that’s what you want. I can talk to him about this – again. If you think that will help you to feel better, I’ll do it.”
She wiped her tears and said, “It never does any good. It never makes a difference. He won’t change. He doesn’t hear us. What’s the point?” Continue reading →
23
Sep 11
To Parents of Daughters
We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between a man who flatters her and a man who compliments her ~ a man who spends money on her and a man who invests in her ~ a man who views her as property and a man who views her properly ~ a man who lusts after her and a man who loves her ~ a man who believes he is God’s gift to women and a man who remembers a woman was God’s gift to man.
– Unknown *Thank you, Kate.
– Unknown *Thank you, Kate.
20
Sep 11
Settle Down
She came home from work with a story to share. She was animated and expressive. Her emotions were out in full force. She was starring in her own one-act play about an event from her day. She couldn’t wait to share it with him.
She’d always loved when he shared his stories. She knew he would give her his full attention.
She never could talk without moving her hands, and as she got wound up with the telling of the details, she was gesturing and demonstrating and waving and pointing and gasping for breaths.
He looked up from the newspaper and said,”Whoa, girl, settle down!” Continue reading →
15
Sep 11
I Am Not A Goddess
“If you think this isn’t very hard, that’s because you have been steadily working on getting to this point this whole time.
If someone set us down in front of a block of stone and said, “Here, get going. Create a magnificent relief of a Goddess, and don’t get up until you’re done,” that would be daunting. But if that block of stone came with instructions to create a Goddess by chipping away a little each day, the project wouldn’t be quite as overwhelming.
The work we’ve done didn’t happen overnight. You didn’t just wake up and decide to get the clear picture, stand in the wind and dust on this plateau, stretch your arms and legs, fill your lungs with fresh air, and jump onto a new path.
This has been a long time in the making. Every choice and path correction has led to this point. Continue reading →
12
Sep 11
On Full Moons, Rainbow Trout and Gratitude
The rainbow cleared the surface of the water to get a glimpse of the full moon. It was his job to report back to the others. “Yep, it’s full. They can’t catch us for at least another 24 hours!”
The ripples set off by the splash broke the seamless reflection of the sailboat. Without a breeze, the ripples smoothed quickly and returned the cove to a dark mirror spotted by boat lights and star haze.
Up until then, we’d been wondering if that sailboat had two masts. We couldn’t tell where the boat ended and the reflection began.
In our shorts, sweatshirts and Keens, we stood arm-in-arm, gazing at the moon hiding on the other side of the trees. Their leaves were still clinging to green. Even though it was September 11th, they weren’t ready to change into yellow, orange and brown.
Not yet.
When I asked what thoughts came to their minds when standing there bathed in moonlight, they both uttered something about being thankful.
Thankful for fish caught.
Thankful for new friends made.
Thankful for trees to climb with new and old friends.
Thankful for grandparents fun enough to camp with.
Thankful for the opportunity to enjoy a warm summer night when others had to go to bed early on a school night.
Thankful for the opportunity to appreciate our simple lives when others have lost so much.
Thankful for closeness and comfort and not so much stress.
Thankful for coffee in the morning, jeans to ward off the chill, warm chocolate milk and the opportunity to catch more fish.
__________
We pointed out the constellations that tried to stand out against the bright light of the moon. We knew some of the names and made up the others.
As we turned to walk back and tuck in for the night, we acknowledged the date. For a brief moment we felt awkward in our gratitude.
Was it enough to be thankful?
Should we do more?
And then we heard the splash. The rainbow cleared the surface again. We turned in time to see the ripples sending a code that said, “Come back tomorrow. Catch me if you can.”
9
Sep 11
The Surrender
A definition of surrender from merriam-webster.com:
to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)
…
When she was little, surrender was something she did when she played Cowboys and Indians. She usually tried to be on the side that didn’t require her to surrender.
When she was a teenager, surrender was something she feared would be expected once she agreed to kiss a boy, so she didn’t often let herself get in a situation where she’d be close enough to kiss. Continue reading →
