My mom tells the story like this:
You were in 5th or 6th grade and I’d just gotten home from work. I was putting dinner together and asked, “How was your day, honey?”
“It was okay.”
“How was recess?”
“Recess was crazy. All the kids were chasing each other and running all over the playground.” Continue reading →
“Today is ballroom skiing.”
“Huh?”
“Every time you come back from skiing, you share tales of near misses, close calls with concussions, clothes-line incidents and big-air jumps. Today you are skiing on new/used skis after having broken a ski. You know what ballroom skiing is. I want to see ballroom skiing.”
(I define ballroom skiing as big, wide, gentle turns and little to no air.)
I am nervous about Will skiing on some used skis that he found on eBay. They need a lot of tuning, a little waxing and some trial and error. Continue reading →
“It was important, Dumbledore said, to fight,
and fight again,
and keep fighting,
for only then could evil be kept at bay,
though never quite eradicated. . . .”
– J K Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
You probably have an HSP in your life. There are a lot of us out there.
If you’re reading this, you are most likely a Highly Sensitive Person.
Many, however, who are probably not HSP, read the title of this post, rolled their eyes and opted to read something else. They are tired of hearing about us. They can’t relate. They aren’t wired to relate. They’ve come to believe that HSPs are an inconvenience or that we are high-maintenance. We’re too sensitive, take everything personally, and get overwhelmed easily. They may not realize that they have HSPs in their lives who serve very important roles.
HSPs are the folks you turn to when you need real human contact. Continue reading →
We are paddling like crazy and keeping our heads above water.
Barely.
We’ve been paddling through some expected stuff; and we’ve held our breath and maneuvered some unexpected stuff. The water has been pretty choppy lately.
To be fair, there have been some calm pools that allow us to float on our backs, feel the warmth of the sun, and catch our breath. The bitter and the sweet must be what they mean by balance?
When it comes to homeschool… ha! There are no better lessons than the ones that have been handed down lately. Continue reading →
Whew! Mercury goes direct today.
For those of you who don’t believe in such things, I’m here to tell you that it would be good to prepare yourself before the next Mercury in Retrograde.
My track record is spotty with surviving retrograde. This is the first with Will having his driver’s license. I held my breath for three weeks and we skated through without incident. We did have transportation issues when it came to who had the keys. That’s probably more a function of two drivers in a family with only one car. Can’t blame that one on Mercury.
Will did have a ton of computer issues with his brand new laptop. He seems to think it’s getting better. We shall see. Will might be the first to tell you that those transportation issues also apply to rafts on creeks. (Not letting him on a raft in a Retrograde. Ever again.)
Jenny kept her head down, but was quite distressed by some communication issues with her dad – more so than she has been in the recent past. She blamed that on Mercury and her dad. Continue reading →
She’d walked on eggshells in hiking boots. She’d walked across eggshells in heels. She’d even walked on eggshells in bare feet. It didn’t matter how delicately she stepped. She’d tried to step around them. She knew the eggshells would cut the soles of her feet. And still – every day – she walked on eggshells.
She could tell you how long she’d been at it – since before she’d married him.
Every morning, she’d walk into the kitchen and there they were – the shells scattered across the hardwoods. She would step around them and grab for the broom. She’d sweep up the pile as he was leaving for work. All day long, she’d walk through the kitchen and notice that the shells were gone, but the minute she heard his car in the drive, the shells would reappear.
She’d find herself stepping over eggshells for the rest of the evening. She’d serve his dinner while crunching over shells. She’d clean up the kitchen while stepping on still more shells. Most nights, there was nothing she could do or say that would make them go away. But once in a great while, she’d do something right – she couldn’t even tell you what it was, but she’d look over her shoulder and the shells would be gone. Continue reading →
You’ve fortified your boundaries. You carry the cheat sheet in your bag. Your backbone is stronger than it’s been in years. You have a teetering stack of journals that proves the value of writing out your thoughts. Most days you’ve moved so far beyond those old hurts that you can’t even remember the specifics.
And then it happens again.
He says something that cuts to your very core. That one button is pushed – the one that only he can push. The button you thought you’d melted and discarded months ago. How does he find it?
You get off the phone and you shake your head. Maybe you shake your head hard enough to erase the thoughts from your brain.
Cabin fever makes me cut my hair, even though the results from the last seven home haircuts were arguable. The money I save from not getting a professional cut is diverted to gas for trips to the ski hill where I wear a hat and no one would see my fabulous haircut anyway.
Cabin fever explains irrational justifications.
Cabin fever makes me reach for the fettuccine as I re-cap the last seven dinners and realize I’ve been serving variations of pasta or tortillas since September.
Cabin fever makes Will beg me to take him for a Blizzard at Dairy Queen when the thermometer reads -12. Continue reading →
“Whew! How ’bout that last cold spell?” He hops further along the branch, “I was starting to worry that we wouldn’t have enough seeds. The humans weren’t venturing out to fill the feeders.”
She hammers at a sunflower seed to expose the nut inside. “I know, right? I wasn’t sure I could lower my body temp much more. You figure Mother Nature is on a holiday somewhere? Maybe she left town and forgot to turn up the heat.”
“Oh, that sun feels good. We might get a chance to thaw out a bit before the next storm moves through.”
“Yes, I should think the humans will have a chance to restock the feeders. We better fill up our caches while we can.”
Stretching his wings and fanning his feathers, “I know. But we’ve earned this thaw. We can spare a few minutes to just soak up some sun and sing without having to worry about anything.”
__________
I heard them this morning outside my window. The sun lit their stage. Pillows of snow topped the roofs of their houses. They were singing and chirping as if they’d feared they’d never warm up enough to sing again.
I stood for a minute and listened. They sounded frantic and excited and optimistic – like kids when the temps raise enough to go out and sled without the fear of windchill temps on a wet face after a face-plant.
And then they quieted for a moment.
Tucking in his wings and hopping closer to his companion, “So… if the humans begin to come out, does that mean the cat will be out again, too?”
And then the chirping and singing crescendoed.
Fanfare is for narcissists.
That’s why – without all the folderol – I’m telling you that my books are available for free on Smashwords.com. Visit my page on their site and click through to enter the codes*.
Seeing My Path is a series of conversations I have with myself over a few road trips to a plateau outside the town where I live in Montana. Sometimes humorous and often self-deprecating, the conversations are an assessment of some of the crappy choices I’ve made. The convo progresses to the wake-up call that sends me in a new healthy direction. I’m still heading in that direction today. (Thankfully.)
When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code LU97P for Seeing My Path.
Words Got Her Home is a compilation of quotes and pictures that motivated me to get off the old path and stay on this new one. It’s a quick read that I still refer to on some of my “down” days.
When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code RN36H for Words Got Her Home.
If you’ve enjoyed this blog, I think you’ll enjoy the books.
I’ve been on this path for awhile. I’ve learned a lot about narcissism – enough to help myself and my kids learn to live a thriving life even while still dealing with narcissism.
It’s my goal to help others dealing with narcissism – especially kids.
The codes will be effective until February 22.
Please.
Get the books.
I hope they shed some light and encourage you on your path.
Thank you for being here.
*You can either visit smashwords.com and search for Jesse Blayne, or click on my page.
“Will, you’re blinking a lot. What’s up?”
“Nothing.”
“Is it about the trip?”
“No. Yeah. I dunno… I guess.”
I put down my mug and said, “Tell me.” Continue reading →
The kids were standing at the check-out with the next books in the Percy Jackson series and I was taking in the beautiful quilts on display at our public library. I didn’t need a book. I was part way through three different books and I knew I didn’t have the brain space to start something new.
One quilt caught my eye. It was suspended over the “New” books section, so I walked over to get a closer look. The quilter had a great sense of which colors go well together – purples and teals – and a good eye for negative space, which isn’t easy to do in a quilt. I turned to meet up with Will and Jen and I noticed the book. It jumped out at me. It was probably the word – narcissist – that caught my attention.
I could find that word in a haystack.
I’d been thinking that I’m all done with reading about narcissism. Time to move on. I’ve learned enough. But… the title intrigued me. It referred to my role in these relationships with narcissists.
Perhaps I have more work to do. Continue reading →
Her head hit the pillow and all she could think was, “Can I get a Do-Over?”
At 2:30 that afternoon, she’d considered the possibility that it might be best to go to bed and put an end to this day. She could pretend she had flu symptoms, make a cup of tea, put on her pajamas and bring this crappy day to a close.
But, of course, she didn’t. She proceeded to touch more things that turned to shit. She made bigger messes while trying to mop up other messes.
While running errands, she’d noticed the gorgeous fall leaves reflecting in the still blue river. Blue and orange were complementary colors for a reason. At least she couldn’t ruin that. Continue reading →
Guest Post by ZairaWhen you turn down an unfamiliar road, it is uneasy. The curves and blind spots in the valleys are unsettling, but after a few whips and whirls, you start to feel the road. The car feels grounded and secure. You speed up a little and start to think this crazy road is manageable. Then you come over a hill that you hope will be the last and there is a stop sign. Screeching to a halt, you have lost all sense of security that existed. You want to turn and get off that road now, but the new direction is scarier than mistrusting the road you are on. Besides, that turn may leave you on a dirt road, in bad weather, and prolong the agony of the journey as either way is uncertain.
“I went down to the crossroad
fell down on my knees
Asked the lord above “Have mercy now
save poor Bob if you please”
Yeeooo, standin at the crossroad
tried to flag a ride
ooo ooo eee”
Cruising along thinking my road was not so bad, getting a little better, perhaps. Sure there were hills and valleys, but I have hit the stop sign. I swerved and hit the damn sign! I am caught off guard. My security is halted. My confidence cracked. Fear of the unknown has left me unable to back up, redirect, and make a choice on direction. I have my thumb out…
“I tried to flag a ride
Didn’t nobody seem to know me babe
everybody pass me by
Standin at the crossroad baby
risin sun goin down
Standin at the crossroad baby
eee eee eee, risin sun goin down
I believe to my soul now,
Poor Bob is sinkin down”
People are stopping. Checking out my ride. Shaking their heads. But no one can tell me what to do, which way to go. My heart is pounding…
“You can run, you can run
tell my friend Willie Brown
(th)’at I got the crossroad blues this mornin Lord
babe, I’m sinkin down”
That hill was steep! You need to slow down! You have time. Pay attention and stay calm. It will be ok. It’s a long road, but you will get there.
“And I went to the crossroad momma
I looked east and west
I went to the crossroad baby
I looked east and west
Lord, I didn’t have no sweet woman
ooh-well babe, in my distress”
Robert Johnson- CrossRoads
