I’m contemplating treating myself to a day at the spa.
Not really.
But seriously… can it be that a celebration is in order?
Nah… I never feel right spoiling myself.
I’m always doing the pampering, not receiving the pampering.
Maybe that ought to change, too.
They hadn’t seen him in three weeks. On Friday night, they spent over five hours with him. When they walked in the door, at the end of the night, I did a quick scan to check for rapid blinking, slumped shoulders, nervous pacing or shell-shocked expressions.
Nothing.
Will and Jen spoke animatedly about the event they attended. They talked of what they’d had for dinner and the stories shared. They spoke of the folks they saw.
They didn’t mention the baby voice, or the martyr tone. There was nothing about being overly embarrassed – other than the typical ways that all parents embarrass their kids. Nothing about hurt feelings, or insults, or critiques about hair, dress or table manners.
__________ Continue reading →
Yesterday marked three weeks since the Wednesday morning meeting with Mark.
During the last three weeks, the kids have received one email, and several (not daily) phone calls from Mark. The calls have varied from short and terse, to lengthy and pleasant. Mark has not pressured them to see him. They have not asked to see him.
They have returned his calls when he has asked them to do so in a message.
They have not called of their own accord.
The mood in our house, is light and without pressure. Continue reading →
“Mom! Can I do that thing like Cinderella? Can I scrub the floor with a brush and a bucket like Cinderella?”
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Should I have delivered the mini-lecture on feminism?
Is this the wants of a Lizard Brain in hyper-drive?
Did she see me try to perfectly clean her dad’s floor one too many times? Continue reading →
I never got the hang of water skiing. I tried. I only ever managed to cling to the rope while I was drug around the lake, ending up with extra long arms to prove how hard I tried.
I’ve kayaked once, canoed a few times, and rafted more times than I care to mention.
I’m more the lazy canoe or solo kayak type.
Perhaps I am a control freak, or maybe it’s just that I don’t like being spilled over the edge of some rubber flotation device, forced to drink a gallon of river plankton, while scraping the flesh off my shins, all by noon.
I thought of my relationship to water when I took my kids down by the river yesterday to do a little fresh air home schooling. Continue reading →
It’s November 1st. The bathroom has yet to be painted. The pumpkin vines are snaking through the dead tomato plants. The leaves are piled against the west fence. I have managed to put the Halloween decorations up on the shelf in the garage, but the Thanksgiving decorations are piled on a chair next to the dining room table, waiting for me to decide where to display them.
I have a tendency (you probably have that same tendency) to beat myself up for what I didn’t get done, instead of reveling in the things that I accomplished.
There were plenty of things on the list for 2010.
Many were crossed off.
The book isn’t done. Continue reading →
I took this picture four summers ago. We’d gone camping a month after we’d moved out of their dad’s house. I often wonder what Will was thinking while he was sitting and waiting for the ‘big one’ to land on his line. I hope he was thinking like any other boy doing what he was doing – that he was thinking about fishing.
I don’t want to believe that he was thinking about not living at his dad’s. I don’t want to know that he was wondering or worrying about what was happening to his eight year old life.
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Fast forward to today.
I was cleaning up the breakfast dishes, and I looked up at the calendar for something. Continue reading →
The Universe wrapped her arm around me Wednesday evening. I felt her warm breath on my ear.
This is what I heard her say:
“Listen, Honey, you’ve done a fine job. I’m proud of you for doing your best. I know this was hard for you. You got through to him as much as you possibly can. He’s injured, Dear, and you can’t do anything about it. You knew that when you married him, and you know that now.
You can rest easy in the knowledge that you have done as much as you possibly can. I don’t expect any more from you. Now you must focus your energies on caring for yourself and your children. You have avoided the negativity as long as you could. You tried tenderness and compassion.
It’s time for you to move on.”
__________ Continue reading →
The thing is… he didn’t physically abuse me. He didn’t drink or gamble or spend every weekend golfing or hunting or fishing. He didn’t cheat on me. At least I never had concrete proof that he cheated on me, unless I count his on-going affair with himself.
The thing is… he didn’t particularly like me. But then the world is populated with lots of married couples who don’t like each other.
The thing is… he didn’t embrace the whole having a baby thing. But lots of guys aren’t interested in going to doctor visits, listening to heart beats or shopping for onsies. I suppose, too, that lots of guys don’t want their wives to breast feed. Lots of guys don’t enjoy giving their babies a bath or reading to them every night.
The thing is… he didn’t listen to me when I told him I was frightened that our marriage was failing. But then I assumed that all guys hate the idea of going to counseling. When I cried and told him that I was lonely living in his house, and that I was afraid that he wasn’t connecting with me or the kids, he said I had problems.
He told me I was depressed, and that I needed to see someone. Continue reading →
To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.
Josh Billings
“Clean up this mess! How can we expect to have people over if this is what this place looks like? Are we Pigs, here? Can’t we put some order to this place?”
That is not what I said. It is what I have thought. I’m careful to not call it a ‘mess’, or ‘junk’. I know she loves all her stuff.
Yes, it makes me crazy.
I can be heard saying, “Okay, I’ve had enough. We need to find where this stuff lives. It’s my house, too. I love that you feel comfortable enough to explore, create, play and be, but at some point, I want to walk through the living room.”
I am done making excuses to friends. Continue reading →
