If It Isn’t One Thing, It’s Your Period

old-white-shedThey could have banished me to the old white shed.

I wouldn’t have blamed them.

In desperation, I came up with a plan to try and establish balance in our home.

I wanted to go back to bed.

I wanted to eat everything in sight.

I apologized to Jen and Will for being cranky.

They said, “It’s okay, mom,” and they avoided me when they could.

We didn’t have enough chocolate.  Will sang too loud.  Jenny’s painting messes grew to take over the house.  Even Nina found a way to annoy me.

I threw the masking tape across the room when I couldn’t get the Santa sign to stick to the front door.

I said bad words.

That annoying yellow orb in the sky had the nerve to shine right in my eyes as I scurried to check errands off a list that seemed to grow longer with each passing hour.

The clerk at the grocery store had the audacity to smile at me when she handed me my receipt.

I fired off a hostile email to Mark, when normally I’d have completely ignored him.

I started to chop at my hair, because we all know that what you really need when you feel this way is a good haircut, but then my mom called and interrupted me.  (Thanks, mom, while talking to you, I completely forgot I had planned to cut my hair.  Catastrophe avoided.)

I wrote another post about wanting to be something else.

I sulked on the couch and tried to figure out why I was angry at the world.

I said more bad words.

I apologized to Jen and Will for being cranky.

They said, “It’s okay, mom, sometimes days are crabby.”

They continued to steer clear of me.

Bedtime couldn’t come soon enough.



When bedtime finally arrived, my mind raced with thoughts of what I needed to do differently.  What could I do to keep from feeling so explosive?

Should I cut out my three small cups of coffee – my morning bright spots?

Should I quit eating wheat?

Should I exercise more?  Ha!  Should I exercise?  Period.

Do I need little breaks from being a mom 24/7?  Do they need a break from me? (I know the answer to that one.)

Should I eat more protein?

Should we move across the country?

Should I cancel Christmas?

Should we get a dog?

Should I go on Prozac?

What should I do?!?


The next morning, I woke feeling lighter.  I wasn’t angry.  I didn’t need to throw the tape across the room or move to the East Coast or cancel the holidays.

And then…  I had to pee.

And there it was – proof that I hadn’t lost my mind.

I’d started my period.

By now you’d think I’d see that pattern.  The pattern that says, “When you feel like tossing a grenade in the backyard; when you want to pack the car and head to Mexico; when you want to clear the fridge and fill it with kale and broccoli and stuff for green smoothies; when Jenny’s sweet smile and Will’s brown eyes piss you off…..   you are about to get your period.”


I greeted the kids with a warm smile that morning.

I apologized – again – for being a crank.

I said, “You know, I can pretty much guarantee that today is going to be a better day around this joint.”


“I swear.”

“No more nastiness coming from me today.  You know why I was so out of it the last two days?  I was getting my period.”

Jen and Will exchanged glances, “It’s okay, mom.  We know.”




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  1. I thank the Gods every day that I am done with that!

    It took way too long to happen, but it did.

    I DO NOT miss a minute of it.

    “When you feel like tossing a grenade in the backyard; when you want to pack the car and head to Mexico; when you want to clear the fridge and fill it with kale and broccoli and stuff for green smoothies…” still laughing about this cuz that doesn’t stop! LOL

    Loving you!

  2. Donna,

    Dang. What’ll I blame that on, if I can’t blame it on periods?


  3. Menopause!

  4. Donna,

    But of course! There’s so much to look forward to. *sigh* ;)

  5. Oh, how that made me laugh! How can we be in sync on opposite coasts??? This past week, I wanted a new boyfriend. Yeah, ditch the one that holds me tight and kisses my forehead when I cry and never criticizes. He did point out that he thought I just needed to get it out…and must be on my period. Couldn’t argue with that one!

  6. Z… if you decide to pack the car and head for Mexico, take him with you.

    … just saying.

  7. for sure…he would never go for the green smoothie.

  8. Z,

    I have to admit, I’m not in a hurry to try a drink made of vegies.

  9. Naked Juice!!! You have to try it. The green one looks suspicious, but it’s oh so good! http://www.nakedjuice.com/our-products/juice/green-machine
    Look at the ‘boosts’…broccoli, spinach, parsley :D

  10. Z,

    um… what is the chaser?

  11. Tequila, of course! LOL!
    It really does taste good!!!!

  12. Z,

    One of these days… ;)

  13. After having everything ripped out of me, I have my life back. That was one of the best days of my life! I know that sounds crazy, but it was. I still get weird, boobs hurt, body puffs up, I want to eat the wall paper off of the walls, but it is waining. They say menopause is on the horizon. Here I go on another journey. You can join me…… Love ya!

  14. Annie,

    Oh, I’ll be there. We’ll be parked on the beach some where. Umbrella drinks in hand. ;)

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