“Here, let me turn down the radio. I didn’t hear that one.” We are driving down the main thoroughfare in town, heading to pick up Will at the golf course. It’s sunny and warm. We are in full-on summer mode – looking forward to running through the sprinkler and barbecue that evening. The smell of sunscreen wafts out the window as we make the next turn.
We haven’t had a dad visit in a few weeks.
Life is good.
Somebody stop the clock.
Please.
“What did you say?”
She flicks her long blonde braid off of one shoulder, lowers the window and sticks her arm out of the car. “Don’t you think there are EMBBs?”
“What are EMBBs?”
“Well, you know how you are an INFJ, I am an ITP* and Will is an ENFJ?”
“Yeah. Go on.”
We turn into the parking lot of the course and I am trying to figure out the letters. E has to be extrovert. I assume it’ll be something about her extroverted brother that is driving her nuts.
“EMBB is for Extroverted Meanie Bo Beanie.”
“Ha! That’s perfect! Do you think there might also be some IMBBs then?”
“Sure. They’re just a little quieter about their meanness.”
Tags: a girl can dream, child of narcissist, communication, humor, Parenting
Thanks for that link. It is great. Although I filled it in for my son and it was INJ…so I think he needs to do it. lol!
and I love EMBB…we know a few of those. ;)
<3 the things that kids come up with. Best wishes for the 4th to you, Will, & Jenny. *hugs*
Z,
It’s funny how much I learned about my kids, once I learned their types. It isn’t the be all/end all. They will probably change as they mature, but it’s helpful to see things through their lens.
Happy Independence Day!
Jenn,
Oh, I know you hear lots of pearls of wisdom in your home. It’s the best!!
Happy Independence Day!
Having a little PTSD moment. Why do the bad memories have to ruin every freakin’ holiday? We went to NYC for the 4th of July. My idea. His friends live there. We had hotel and flight points so was small budget. I was still trying…to be a normal family. The part that no one gets is we were on a 3 day family vacation. The first day, he spends the evening on the phone making plans with all his friends. The second day, he leaves me and the oldest at the hotel for “daddy and youngest” time, taking the little one to FAO Scwartz and his friends house. (We did feel invisible!). I decided to buy comedy club tickets because my oldest was into that, we needed to do what we wanted to, and improv is fun! He leaves me hanging on whether the other two are going to show up until I am outside the theater. We go in as a family, but I hate him. And I swear to never allow this to happen again. He leaves all 3 of us the next day to have friend time and we decide the movies is better than enduring the grandstanding and bullshit facade. I wish it would go away like a bad dream, but sadly it was our reality for a long time. Sorry to dump, just had to get it out.
Z,
Don’t apologize. ;)
Sadly, so many moments – Father’s Day, Christmas, Sundays, dinners, walks at the park, watching a movie and eating popcorn, bathtime ….
Nothing is normal or easy with them.
Thanks, Jesse. It is so true. It was an unexpectedly emotional day for me. I am not sure if it was because I was home all day by myself or what. But I hate that I can’t enjoy them for what they are either and I feel robbed when all I can think about are the awful ones. I want to shake myself because that incident was 5 years ago! Please tell me this gets better. Ugh.
Z,
I know. I know.
Here’s what it’s like a couple years ahead of you.
When I am busy and navigating our regular schedule, those thoughts – if I have them – are fleeting and almost comical. They can be comical if I maintain my perspective of having learned a lot about narcissism.
When I am alone (hardly ever) or tired or blue for some reason other than the energy suck of narcissism, then those thoughts seem to find no barriers. They still hurt because of the injustice of it all. That’s when I want to scream in outrage at how unfair their treatment was/is. The good news is that happens far less than it used to.
It’s like they have been moved to the file labeled “Old Hurts” that I revisit when I’m down. They aren’t front and center any more!!
I hope today is brighter for you.
Thank you! Yes, that is exactly it. The day passed and I was much better this weekend. The guy and I went to a B&B on the farm. Cell service was impossible, Internet spotty, and the atmosphere (and food! Yum!) was just what I needed to take me to better memories. Can take the girl out of farmland, but can’t replace the love for farm life out of the girl. :)
Disclaimer: I am not a farmer, but my formative years was full of that lifestyle.
Sadly, my immune system has had enough of rolling in the grass and river water. Probably for the best because I may have given it all up and stayed. ;)
To move toward permanently closing the file of unpleasant memories, I think I have to reconstruct my holidays. They have become just another day and that is not good for the soul. I have been too busy to think ahead, but I know now…it’s all about proactively putting it behind you…
Z,
Oh, I’m envious. Sounds like a lovely getaway…
You know, I’d decided that I hated holidays because of all the bad memories. I like your approach. Seems the kids and I could be on a new trend of making happy holiday memories by now. Still there’s the whole having to fit in a visit with their dad, but we can and do make our private rituals magical.
Thanks for the gentle nudge, even if that wasn’t your intent. ;)
I was just telling my boss (for those that don’t know, she is an amazing woman that recreated herself after the N marriage and went from famous librettist to renowned neurosurgeon…yeah, I don’t try to keep up, but I do take her guidance to heart) how baffled I was that the bad memories set me back. She said it takes a very very long time for them to go away. And to start doing anything on the day (not work, which is what I was trying to do!) to block it out. She suggested group activities like volunteering somewhere you can make an impact. Smart woman. So, this is my takeaway: replace the bad memories with proactively seeking good ones and be patient with yourself. xx
Z,
Yes! I like a tangible approach – one that is doable. Except maybe the being patient with myself. Shees! That’s SO hard. Working on that…
Thank you, and please thank your amazing boss, too.