Surviving Narcissism Exploring life after marriage to a narcissist. Learning and thriving by sharing our story. – Jesse Blayne

This post was to be about how creativity goes through the roof once you remove the barriers to thriving.  Get in a good mood and just watch what you’ll create!

I was going to tell you that I’ve been working on removing barriers.  I have noticed that good (thriving) feeling returning, and I planned to give you a secret for removing barriers that might keep you from thriving.

But that’s silly because one person’s barrier is another person’s bump in the road.  I can only share my experience and hope it helps you in some way.

Creativity is a direct path to thriving.  If we can stop the harmful self-talk and just make stuff, we’ll get to a better feeling place.  The connection between creativity and thriving is undeniable.  Thriving leads to creativity, and creativity leads to thriving.  Get to one, and the other naturally follows.

Jen and Will get into a thriving mode much easier than I do.  When she wears one ear bud, has a paintbrush in hand, the cat by her side and she’s left to her own devices, her mood is sparkly, and the stuff she makes blows my mind. (Yes, I am biased and proud and humbled by her creativity.)  When he leaves with a bucket, worms and a pole, he always returns with a wide grin.  (For the uninitiated, there is creativity in catching fish on a stretch of river that many have said is unfishable.  I continue to be amazed by his tenacity when it comes to proving that many types of fish are caught right below the house.)

But they do have their days when things don’t flow.  They have days when they are “in a funk.” We talk about energy a lot around here and what it takes to keep the good energy.  Those days we struggle with both thriving and creating are when we discuss negative energy and the influence of folks who rub us the wrong way.

It’s easy to blame other things for our blocks.  I’d rather blame my lack of creativity on someone else, than be responsible for controlling the thoughts in my head.  That’s the easy way out.  Shifting my thoughts to the good takes practice.  Some days I want to be lazy and wallow in the not-so-good, because I know it so well.  That doesn’t even make sense, but it’s true.

When I get away from toxicity, the energy clears and I feel lighter and more connected to creative ideas, but it’s not realistic to be a hermit in order to isolate myself from anything remotely toxic.  Even if I could, I’d end up missing people – even some of the toxic ones.  (I know.  That doesn’t make sense, either.)

As I pondered this post, I realized that I have no secret to removing barriers.  Going No-Contact won’t permanently make me a happy creative person, and in some cases that’s not possible.  Eliminating all the negative stuff in the world isn’t possible either.  Not even after this upcoming election.

In the writing of this post, I realized that the barrier is me.

My thoughts are the issue.

I could be surrounded by toxicity, but if I can control my thoughts, it won’t matter.

I rather enjoy an image of me, sitting with my laptop, madly typing away amidst chaos and mayhem, all the while maintaining that thriving feeling.  I’ll look up from the keyboard once in awhile, and duck when someone throws me a toxic comment or a sideways glance.  Instead of losing my muse, I’ll happily go back to creating.  Now that’s something to work toward.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times, those comments are about them, not me!

In the meantime, here’s what I’ve been doing to get closer to thriving.

I wake at least an hour and a half before my favorite people.  This gives me time to enjoy that first cup of hot, black coffee and peruse social media without feeling like I’m ignoring those important people.

When they wake, I greet them with a smile, and maybe a hug for the one who likes hugs.  We talk of the day and its possibilities.

Then I grab my iPad, earbuds and yoga mat.  I find an Abraham Hicks tape on Youtube and stretch for at least 20 minutes.

Then I hit a hot shower.

Between the stretching and the hot shower, the tension in my back releases, and I find it easier to maintain those good thoughts gained while listening to Esther Hicks.

That’s my version of getting my thoughts in the right place.  There are days, though, when the afternoon rolls around,  and I feel my energy tanking.  I can tell the funk is looming.  That’s when I grab the mat and the earbuds and find a second Hicks tape.  It feels self indulgent, but I deserve it, and it makes me a nicer person.

I’d love to hear of your rituals or self-care practices.  How do you get to that thriving feeling?  Please share in the comments.