Moving On

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver — 4 Comments
13
Aug 13

A Page From a Thriver’s Life

She sips coffee under the Sumacs (that he would never let her grow) while the cat (that he would not let her have) rubs against her ankles.

She has the whole glorious day ahead of her.  She will skip breakfast if she wants.  She’ll read, before chores, from a book that was on her own reading list.

She could fry up potatoes with onions and peppers and add too much cumin seed and spill too much salsa on too much cheese and not give a second thought to carbs.

She’ll walk when she wants, where she wants, for as long as she wants.

Or she won’t walk at all. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 12 Comments
30
Jul 13

You’ll Get There

 One day you’ll be sitting at your computer and you’ll open your inbox.

You’ll see your ex-husband’s name and you’ll think, “Crap!”

You’ll take a sip of coffee and think to yourself, “Geez, this day started out so well.  It’s not too hot out this morning.  The coffee’s excellent.  The kids are still sleeping and I have a bit of time to gather myself for the day.  And then this – an email from him.”

“Damn.”

  Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Stories — 4 Comments
8
Jul 13

When The Narcissist Leaves

I’d only seen her a handful of times since college.  She would come into town from the ranch and once in awhile our paths would cross.  My kids were younger than hers.  Her kids were stretching out in that teenage growth spurt phase.  I never seemed to recognize them.

We’d compare notes on kids and life.  Her life was foreign to me – ranch wife raising two kids while teaching in a one-room school and helping her husband as much as time would allow.

She had that outdoors look – lots of sun and wind and the way the elements make creases in places she didn’t like, but ways I envied.

One of the last times I saw her, the creases appeared deeper.  Her eyes had lost their sparkle.  She was beyond tired.  I assumed she was exhausted from keeping up with teenagers, school work, ranch life and marriage.

She didn’t have time to chat.  I didn’t ask any questions. Continue reading →

Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 2 Comments
25
Jun 13

The Journey

“”Honey, the mediation spa that you made out of popsicle sticks didn’t do so well in the storm last night.  I love that thing.  Would you mind getting the hot glue gun out and putting it back together?”

“I could, but I’ve got other projects going on.”

“Okay.  I was thinking the spa was too wonderful to give up on, but if you are cool with it, I am.”

“Mom, it’s about the journey, not the goal.”

 

That’s when you know they listen.

Moving On / Random Observations / Spirit Guides / Stories — 7 Comments
27
May 13

One Afternoon at the Cemetery

She winds the strands of her beaded necklace through delicate fingers. Tilting her head back, she exhales, and points the ember in the direction of the couple yelling at their dog.

“What is it with people and their dogs? I mean, dogs are swell, but why bring your dog to the cemetery and then yell at it for running through the grass and sniffing at other folks?  For God’s sake!  Get that dog to a park, let it run and stop yelling at it.”

“Gladys, you’re dropping ashes on your dress. Shouldn’t you be more careful, dear?”

“Thanks, Margaret, but you know I’ve got more dresses where this one came from. It’s just a dress. What kind of pie are you making today? Lemon chiffon? Banana cream? Or blueberry? I love hot blueberry pie dripping with real cream – not that stuff they call cream now-a-days.”

“Hey, Gladys. You sure they can’t hear us? You sure I can skate off of these grave markers? Nobody’ll care, right?” Continue reading →

Moving On — 12 Comments
23
Apr 13

On When to Leave

 

Have you ever stood outside waiting for the 4th of July Fireworks to start while swatting mosquitoes and listening to the bats as they whiz by your head?  The first chrysanthemum explodes and your kid says, “Mom, how will I know when it’s the grand finale?”

“You’ll just know.”

I’ve stood there through twenty minutes of ooooos and ahhhhhs saying, “No, honey, that’s not it.  Nope, Will, that’s not it either.  Jenny, put your hood up so the mosquitoes can’t get to your ears.  Nope, not yet, Will.”

“Mom, will I know it when it comes?”

“Yes, honey, there’s no doubt when it’s the grand finale.  It’s not like the others.” Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations — 2 Comments
18
Apr 13

On Spring Cleaning, Fly Fishing and Hard Feelings

My idea of spring cleaning consists of blowing the dust off the stuff on the high shelf just enough to release the cobwebs that are anchored there.  When a quick puff didn’t take care of things, I reached up to pull this jar down.  It’s been on my bathroom shelf since we moved to this home.

I wiped off six years of dust and handed the jar to Jenny.  As she took the rocks out, one by one, she commented on their smoothness and wondered where I’d found them.

“Your dad and I used to fly fish before Will was born.  I was always on the lookout for rocks when I wasn’t casting the line.”

“How come you hardly ever fish anymore?”

“Well, things change when you have babies.  Someone needs to tend to the baby and that leaves the other person free to fish.  I was tending to babies, your dad did the fishing.  I guess I got wrapped up with kids and forgot I liked to fish.” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On — 4 Comments
19
Mar 13

On Resiliency

Last night, no amount of bathroom humor would tease her out of her funk.  She plotted a daughter’s revenge – cryptic drawings on paper that would then be tossed in the wood stove.

I asked if she wanted to have a slumber party in my bed.  “I’ll tickle your back.  You can tell me anything or nothing at all.”

She brushed her teeth.  I braided her hair.   She pushed the cat aside and crawled in my bed and said, “I’m sick of all of this.”

 

___________

 

Today she discovered how to make different sizes of paper frogs.  She colored them brightly and called them Baby and Mommy and one of them was even Dad.  Right now she’s beating her brother at a dice game, and when a favorite song comes on Pandora, she dances by me twirling and whirling and smiling and not thinking about anything but good stuff.

 

That is the resiliency of kids.

 

That is the roller coaster of life.

Moving On / Seeing My Path / Survivor Support / Tools / Words Got Her Home — 4 Comments
1
Mar 13

Help In The Night

She wanted to switch on the light, but she didn’t dare wake him.  On those sleepless nights, if the moon wasn’t too bright, she could see stars through the skylights above their bed.  Maybe one day, when she was free to pursue her own interests, she’d learn the constellations – Cassiopeia, Orion and the others.  The names made her think of possibility.

Possibility was what she needed to believe in right now.

Was it possible to feel good again?

Was it possible to create a healthier life – better than this life full of fears and disappointments and anger?

She gently turned back the covers and stepped out of bed.  She had tiptoed down the stairs enough times in the dark to feel her way down without bumping into anything.  Once downstairs, she could turn on a light, slide out the drawer in the office desk, and reach into the back for a small, innocent-looking spiral notepad.  The pages were worn.  The pad was almost full.  She had turned down corners on pages that held the notes that touched her most deeply. Continue reading →

Moving On / Quotes / Tools — Comments Off on Words Got Her Home
23
Feb 13

Words Got Her Home

Motivational words to create change.

Mantras, prayers, meditations, famous quotes,
personal Post-Its, and journal entries –
these are the words I used to move on
and create a better future for myself and my kids.

This new ebook is a compilation of the powerful words
that made a difference in our lives.

 

Find Words Got Her Home on Smashwords.com or Amazon.com.

 

Thanks for reading!

Moving On / Quotes / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 4 Comments
15
Feb 13

Words Got Her Out

A few more boxes to pack and load into the car and she’d be done.

She thumbed through magazine clippings that had been filed in an office drawer.   Some clippings dated back to her college years – that dreamy phase of, “When I grow up and marry, I hope my kitchen has …..”

There were clippings of herb gardens, bathroom paint colors in sage and mint, examples of open shelves instead of upper cabinets for the ideal kitchen, and nursery ideas.

__________

Her girlfriends thought she was crazy for not wanting upper kitchen cabinets.  She loved how open shelving prevented her from collecting junk. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / My Minimalism / Parenting / Random Observations — 34 Comments
5
Feb 13

When to Stay Away

The thing is, most of the time I know when to stay away.

When she says, “Ewwww!  Mom, remember that experiment where we made the smoothie for Twilite?  You know the blueberries, grass and banana drink?  It’s still in the fridge!  Come smell it!”

Yeah.

No.

I know to stay away. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Parenting / Survivor Support / Tools — Comments Off on Survivor Support
24
Jan 13

Survivor Support

In Survivor Support, I will call your attention to a new commenter who reaches out to us for encouragement or guidance or a compassionate ear.

We have created a most healthy group of wise individuals who send positive ripples out whenever needed.

It’s time to send more ripples.

Survivors and Thrivers, please see Kristin’s comment on this post.

Thanks,

Jesse

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Parenting — 12 Comments
23
Jan 13

Letter of Resignation

Dear Narcissist,

We resign as caretakers.

We will no longer protect you, make excuses for your behavior or come to your defense.  We will not sweep your abuses under the rug.  We will not pretend like your treatment is acceptable.

We will not allow you to manipulate us or control us.

You will not hurt us again.

We will not feel sorry for you.

I will not coach your children on what to say to you in order to keep the peace.  I will point out your behaviors to make sure that the children understand that they are not to be blamed for your mistreatment.

We will not cater to you, tiptoe around you or deal with your mood swings.

We will not allow you to make us feel inferior.

 

We are good enough.

 

We will no longer see ourselves through your eyes.

 

We will no longer see ourselves through your eyes.

 

We will no longer see ourselves through your eyes.

 

Signed,

Jesse, Will and Jenny

 

 

*Survivors,

You may be thinking that by now we would have successfully moved on.  Just yesterday I heard myself coaching Will on what not to say to his father over the phone.  After almost seven years, I still fall into the trap of protecting the narcissist.

Moving On / Quotes / Stories — 4 Comments
17
Jan 13

On Broken Hearts

“Well,” the Goddess said,
“your heart didn’t heal straight the last time it broke.
So we’ll break it again and reset it so it heals straight this time.”
– Jane Yolen
 
 
 
 
 

*Maybe if we looked at it this way,
a broken heart wouldn’t seem insurmountable.

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