Postcards From a Thriver « Surviving Narcissism

Postcards From a Thriver

Oh! The Feelings!

“So you know, since your classes are at night, we won’t be having dinner together.”

“Yeah. I guess that’s right.”

He’s organizing his papers and looking at his new schedule. Many pieces have fallen into place to bring him to this point. It has been hectic around here. He’s starting this school sooner than we had expected, and we haven’t considered all the ramifications. I know it hasn’t occurred to him that we won’t be having dinner together. He’s the one who wanted to take his classes at night. He’s a night owl. This is perfect.

It’s dumb that I bring up the dinner thing, but it had just dawned on me. Dinner has always been a big deal to me. As much as I may not want to cook some nights, I love that time of the day when everything that can be done is done, and we can eat dinner and “hit relax mode.”

He zips up his backpack and says, “How are we going to do dinners?” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Homeschool / Kids are People / Moving On / Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver — 6 Comments
3
Jan 17

The Pep Talk

I winced when I heard the door slam on 2016, and I’m the one who slammed it so hard.

Three days into this new year and I’m still wincing. I’m apprehensive, unsteady, exhausted and excited – all at the same time. The holidays took over kicking my butt, where 2016 left off. I spent so much time talking about being glad 2016 was over, that I’m nervous about that energy following me into 2017. You know what they say, “Whatever you talk about, you attract.”

I read a “motivational” post the other day that pointed out that all that complaining about 2016 is misdirected. The writer went on to say that we ought to be reevaluating the choices made in 2016 that led to the messes, and make damn sure to point ourselves in a new direction.

That hurt a bit when I read that. So all that was my fault? Really? Don’t tell me to pull up my big girl pants. I hate that expression. As a single mom, I’ve been the one wearing the pants since day one.

But it’s true. It is my fault. I made the choices. I created that gigantic mess. Continue reading →

Kids are People / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 2 Comments
26
Nov 16

I See You Introverting

She gets there as soon as the ice is free for open skating. She’s quick to tie her laces and get out there. This gives her time, even before the loud music starts, to skate a couple laps before the crowd starts filtering in.

I watch her glide. I can hear her blades every now and then. The sound brings us both to the moment. I notice thoughts of yesterday drifting from my brain. I assume they are headed for the car. My brain tries to coerce me into thinking about what to make for dinner. I ignore it. I feel my hand wanting to reach for my phone and I resist.

I imagine she has, by now, trained her mind to focus on what her legs and arms are doing. She’s graceful in the skating. Her arms are relaxed. Her face appears calm, with a hint of a smile – eyes trained ahead.

The quiet is blissful, even if for only a few precious minutes.

Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 4 Comments
13
Nov 16

The INFJ and the Pomegranate

My mom tells the story like this:

You were in 5th or 6th grade and I’d just gotten home from work. I was putting dinner together and asked, “How was your day, honey?”

“It was okay.”

“How was recess?”

“Recess was crazy. All the kids were chasing each other and running all over the playground.” Continue reading →

Kids are People / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver — 2 Comments
4
Nov 16

Barriers to Thriving

This post was to be about how creativity goes through the roof once you remove the barriers to thriving. Get in a good mood and just watch what you’ll create!

I was going to tell you that I’ve been working on removing barriers. I have noticed that good (thriving) feeling returning, and I planned to give you a secret for removing barriers that might keep you from thriving.

But that’s silly because one person’s barrier is another person’s bump in the road. I can only share my experience and hope it helps you in some way.

Creativity is a direct path to thriving. If we can stop the harmful self-talk and just make stuff, we’ll get to a better feeling place. The connection between creativity and thriving is undeniable. Thriving leads to creativity, and creativity leads to thriving. Get to one, and the other naturally follows. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Kids are People / Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver — 5 Comments
24
Sep 16

Signs of Thriving

Six years ago, when on a road trip, we had stopped for treats and Will took a good 15 minutes to decide between types of beef jerky. (How different can they be?) Jen and I would have used the restroom, gotten our drinks and goodies, and stood by the car watching the sun setting while he was still trying to make a choice.

I remember thinking I’ve got to help that kid learn how to choose without worrying about making a mistake. He’d grown accustomed to having his choices doubted and questioned. He’d pick a blue t-shirt and his dad would say, “Why did you pick that color. You should pick green.” He would order a coke, and his dad would say, “No! You are having lemonade.”

Will had a history of making “bad” choices, as far as his dad was concerned, so any time he was faced with making a decision, he was paralyzed. Even if his dad wasn’t there.

Now, when Will drives up to a convenience store, he’s in and out faster than I am. And when it comes to making the big choices, like his first rifle or a pair of skis, he does his homework. He looks at reviews online. He asks for the opinions of others. He’ll search out a clerk at the store and pummel him with questions. When he feels confident with his choice – and he does – he proceeds.

It’s a beautiful thing to see. Continue reading →

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 7 Comments
10
Sep 16

On Guideposts and Eggplant

I recently pinned a photo of a darling little girl with a quote: “I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life, they have shown me exactly who I do not want to be.” I can’t quit thinking about it. On the one hand, it doesn’t feel good to label someone a “difficult” person. Heck, I’m a difficult person, or so I’ve been told, and being called difficult does not feel good. On the other hand, I struggle with trying to figure out why I click with some and can not click with others, and calling them difficult gets me off the hook. (Why do I waste so much energy worrying about not clicking with someone? –> Lizard brain.)

None of us clicks with everyone, and that’s a blessing. How much time would any of us have if we didn’t naturally filter out some people in order to have more energy to focus on others?

But I liked the pin, and I really liked her dimples. After seeing the message, I realized that I spend too much time trying to figure out why I don’t get on with some. Are they a mirror to me? Are they reflecting back to me the stuff I need to be working on? Are they in my life to teach me some new lesson? Could it be that I am the teacher? Gawd! For their sake, I hope I’m not their teacher.

What does it mean that I don’t click with this person?

The pin told me, “You don’t need to dwell on it. You don’t need to figure it out. You don’t have to understand why you don’t get along. It doesn’t have to mean that there is something wrong with you, or with them. The pin is telling you, ‘Don’t go there. Don’t be that. That isn’t meant for you.'” Continue reading →

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Words Got Her Home — 18 Comments
29
Jun 16

Here We Go Again … Or Not

I had planned to check out the third in the Harry Potter Series, but some lucky kid, who finds him or herself with long, empty summer days, got to it first. Even with an ongoing list of books I’m dying to read, if I go to the library with one particular book in mind, it’s impossible for me to switch gears. But since I can’t go home empty handed, I stopped to see what’s in the New Books.

__________

To preface things a bit, I must explain that I’ve believed in reincarnation since I was in high school. I don’t remember why. (I recently learned that INFJs struggle with remembering much of their childhood, and that certainly applies, in my case.) Also, as an INFJ, I wasn’t influenced by a friend or a relative. But in that way that INFJs have, I simply knew (more like felt) this belief in reincarnation and karma was right for me. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver — 4 Comments
21
May 16

The Difference Between Boys and Girls

Today is the day we’ve planned to drive around in hopes a new kitten will fall in love with our family. Last night, as we said our good nights and brushed teeth, we had a hard time containing our excitement.

This morning, Will has barely made it to the top of the stairs before asking, “What time are we heading out to find a new kitten?”

I assure him that we’ll go as soon as we’ve had a chance to ease in and have coffee.

A half hour later, I’m doing a coconut pull. Invariably, someone needs to ask me a question, or I need to tell the kids something the minute I’ve pulled the spoon from my lips. This morning is no different. Before I hit the shower, I want to tell them what time to plan on heading out to hunt for a new feline sister.

Sometimes the communicating during a coconut pull works. Whether it works or not, it’s always funny – a lot like playing charades. Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 4 Comments
30
Apr 16

The Good and the Simple

Cabin fever kicked our butts this year. The gloominess arrived in November, when Thanksgiving turkey and football were replaced by fever, chills, and, well…. I’ll spare you the details.

There were a few bright spots to break up the grey skies, but mostly we hunkered in and crossed days off the calendar until the snow melted and the first blades of grass braved the winds.

Yesterday was the first rain-less day in a week. For six days, we stared at the water rushing down the street as our part of the world accumulated 25 percent of its annual rainfall in less than a week. Some days, the rainwater was peppered with pink blossoms from the surrounding trees. Mother Nature was trying to tell us that even when she rains on our parade, she still provides the confetti.

The soul-crushing dreariness is finally coming to an end, and it’s time for gentle reminders and a list of what’s good and simple.

Continue reading →

Homeschool / Kids are People / Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver — 1 Comment
12
Mar 16

Homeschool at the Movies

“Let’s watch The Martian.”

“Isn’t that like three hours long? I won’t be able to stay awake.”

“Mom. It’s o-kay.” He says that in a way that indicates he’s impatient with me, and trying to keep his eyes from rolling. It’s annoying – probably something he picked up from me.

“And The Incredible Hulk, too?”

“Jen? Really?” Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 10 Comments
31
Jan 16

Attack of the Shoulds

I should read more.

I should exercise more.

I should call family and friends more.

I should push Will more in school.

I should get Jen to the skating rink more. Continue reading →

Kids are People / Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 6 Comments
22
Jan 16

Recording Memories

“Outside. Outside! OUTSIDE! Geez, the door is open. You can go outside!”

I was talking to the dogs, or maybe the kids. I can’t remember.

There was the usual chaos that comes with bouncy dogs, kids infested with cabin fever, and a cranky mom who’d forgotten to eat. I checked their school lists and saw that some progress had been made, but more wouldn’t be made unless they both blew off some stink.

Before I could utter the suggestion, Jen looked at my face and calmly said, “Mom? If we promise to get back on our lists, can we head to the pond?”

“Please. Yes. Please go to the pond. Can you take the dogs with you?” Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 12 Comments
15
Jan 16

On Finding Happiness or Where’s the Embroidery Floss?

We moved, you know. We packed up all our stuff and headed 90 miles west. We’ve been here three and a half months now. Everything is put away. We are finding a groove. We are recreating our old schedule in these new, much larger digs.

We even survived the holidays in this new place.

Barely.

A couple weeks before Christmas I was working on a homemade gift that needed to be finished and mailed. I had to have some purple embroidery floss. That’s when the craziness began, or I should say, the craziness got a little crazier. Continue reading →

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / The Bartender — 6 Comments
30
Nov 15

I Do Not Like Green Pumpkin Pie

“Hey Jesse! How was your Thanksgiving?”

“Well, we all came down with that stomach bug. Only three of the four of us could even eat the dinner. My pumpkin pie turned green. And the dogs ate all of the salami we’d sliced for appetizers. It was the best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had, and I’m NOT being facetious. How was yours? Oh… I’ll have a Fat Tire, please.”

Hank laughed, “Wow! You sound like a beer-drinking Erma Bombeck.”

“I’d bet she tossed back a few in her day. Seriously, though, how was your turkey day?”

“Nice and quiet, just how I like it.” Hank placed an almost over-flowing glass of beer in front of Jesse. Continue reading →

Surviving Narcissism Exploring life after marriage to a narcissist. Learning and thriving by sharing our story. – Jesse Blayne