Random Observations


9
Dec 10

Some Days Are Like That

old-blue-enamel-pot1I make a damn good cup of coffee.  I make oatmeal with the perfect ratio of oats – walnuts – cinnamon – nutmeg.  Nobody cleans a cat box like I do.  You’d be amazed at how quickly I can fold a laundry basket full of clean clothes.  I even find all the socks, almost every time.

And some days, that’s the best I can come up with when trying to cheer myself up and get out of the funk.

When staring at the too-bright laptop screen at 5:15 a.m., my eyes are blurry – not from being tired, but from fussing over the pages of the book I’m trying to finish.

I bounce over to Twitter to get some inspiration and find a few laughs or a couple good posts to read.  The distraction takes my mind off the fact that I doubt myself.

I doubt my abilities as a mom. Continue reading →


5
Dec 10

Sparkles in the Cold

cold-quiet1My fingers are still thawing as I write this post.

At 8:30 a.m. it was 4 degrees below zero and absolutely gorgeous out, with all the sparkling snow encrusting everything.  I went out in the cold quiet to take photos of the glorious white landscape.

 

diamond-encrusted

My eyes teared up from the cold.  My fingers couldn’t push the buttons of the camera.  My boots crunched through the snow, and my knees shook. Continue reading →


4
Dec 10

Thoughts On Love, Sacrifice and Cat Hair on the Keyboard

It’s still dark.  I can barely make out the fog hanging over the park.  Kids are still snuggled in cozy beds.  After making my first cup of coffee, I light the fire and sit to cruise web sites and formulate a blog post.

Suddenly our cat jumps up on my lap.

She kneads for a bit, changes position, snags my robe with her claws, looks me in the face and sniffs my coffee.

I could put her down, but I don’t.

She wants to soak up some of my body heat.  It’s really cold this morning.  I love this patient cat.  She’s inconveniencing me like crazy, but she’s a sweetheart and I can’t put her down. Continue reading →


25
Nov 10

Thanks

thanksgiving

 


Thank you.

 

Altah
Amy
Andrea
Angel
Annie
BB
Bruce
Catherine
Caitlin
Chris
Craig
Debbie
Dee
Di
Diane
Donna
Doreen
E.R.M.
Firing On All Syllables
Flora
Heather
Holly
Janet
Jessica
Jo
Josh
Judy
Kate
Kath
Katherine
Lavica
LaVonne
Leah
Linda
Lisa
Lucy
Mia
Mike
M. J.
Mojo Girl
Mom
Pat
Peg
Pete
Phyllis
Ralph
Rebecca
Reese
Sandra
Sandy
Sarah
Siddhartha
Sue
Susan B.
Susan Q.
T.
Tina

 


This is the list of the folks who left comments on Surviving Narcissism.  These comments helped the three of us get to where we are today.

Thank you.

If your name isn’t on this list and you read this blog, thank you, too.

 


Love,
Jesse

 


18
Nov 10

Mom, It’s Like This…

“You know when you’re standing in line at the grocery store and the customer in front of you is talking to the cashier?  You know how the cashier sort of smiles, keeps working, and tries to answer the customer’s question, but really they just want to get through with that customer, and get on to the next, and be done working for the day?

You know how the cashier seems like she doesn’t really care about what the customer is talking about?

 

 

That’s what it’s like when I’m talking to dad.”

 


16
Nov 10

A Day Off

spa-dayI’m contemplating treating myself to a day at the spa.

Not really.

But seriously…  can it be that a celebration is in order?

 

Nah… I never feel right spoiling myself.

I’m always doing the pampering, not receiving the pampering.

 

Maybe that ought to change, too.


8
Nov 10

Idolizing Cinderella

cinerella“Mom!  Can I do that thing like Cinderella?  Can I scrub the floor with a brush and a bucket like Cinderella?”

__________

Should I have delivered the mini-lecture on feminism?

Is this the wants of a Lizard Brain in hyper-drive?

Did she see me try to perfectly clean her dad’s floor one too many times? Continue reading →


1
Nov 10

What Did You Do?

crunchy-leavesIt’s November 1st.  The bathroom has yet to be painted.  The pumpkin vines are snaking through the dead tomato plants.  The leaves are piled against the west fence.  I have managed to put the Halloween decorations up on the shelf in the garage, but the Thanksgiving decorations are piled on a chair next to the dining room table, waiting for me to decide where to display them.

I have a tendency (you probably have that same tendency) to beat myself up for what I didn’t get done, instead of reveling in the things that I accomplished.

There were plenty of things on the list for 2010.

Many were crossed off.

The book isn’t done. Continue reading →


30
Oct 10

I Am A Minimalist Parent

At this moment, Jenny is entranced by the Tim Burton version of Alice In Wonderland. Will finished making a batch of pancakes and is downloading skateboarding videos.  Later, they’ll make a birthday card for their cousin, ride their bikes on this glorious Fall day, and go to a bowling birthday party.

I’m not rushing around taking them to soccer practice, a Boy Scout meeting, a dance recital or karate lessons.

I take a minimalist’s approach to parenting by not jamming their schedules with lessons and practices.

I take issue with kids having schedules.

I could over-schedule them and decide what they should pursue to try to pave the way for an enriched future full of interests. Continue reading →


26
Oct 10

What’s The Rush?

fishin-but-not-catchinI took this picture four summers ago.  We’d gone camping a month after we’d moved out of their dad’s house.  I often wonder what Will was thinking while he was sitting and waiting for the ‘big one’ to land on his line.  I hope he was thinking like any other boy doing what he was doing – that he was thinking about fishing.

I don’t want to believe that he was thinking about not living at his dad’s.  I don’t want to know that he was wondering or worrying about what was happening to his eight year old life.

__________

Fast forward to today.

I was cleaning up the breakfast dishes, and I looked up at the calendar for something. Continue reading →


24
Oct 10

Making It Look Easy

tender-berriesThe Sun, with all the planets revolving around it, and depending on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as though it had nothing else in the Universe to do.
Galileo Galilei


*Dear Jessesee if you can exude the same kind of grace.


13
Oct 10

Coincidence?

This isn’t coincidence, there’s no such thing.
Brandon Boyd

 


12
Oct 10

The Universe and Lima Beans

bambooShe was standing in the rice and beans aisle in the grocery store.  She’d forgotten her list.  She knew she needed some sort of rice or pasta or beans or some such.

All she could think about was buying a pack of cigarettes.

She wouldn’t smoke the whole pack.  She wanted to taste one single cigarette – not even the whole thing – one deep, long drag.  She stood there arguing with herself.  The first thing the surgeon said when she came to, after heart surgery six weeks ago was, “Listen, if you want this to work – if you don’t want to see me again – you MUST quit smoking.”

For the first few weeks, she had no desire.  Every single thought in her head was consumed with the act of survival.  All she could do was breathe and let her body heal.  She barely gave cigarettes a thought.  Who was she kidding?  She thought of them, but not with the desperation that she’d expected.

Now, on her first solo shopping trip, six long weeks after surgery, she was consumed with the prospect of buying and smoking one delicious, long. slender best friend. Continue reading →


1
Oct 10

Where Are You Going?

golden-leavesIf you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.
Lao-tzu

29
Sep 10

Spirituality on a Road Trip

monolithI had my finger on the button to take the 113th black and white of Devil’s Tower, when I heard a bossy voice say, “Here… give me your camera. I’ll get a shot of you and your kids.”

The universe holds a special place for total strangers who offer to take photos of single parents and their kids. Imagine shoe boxes filled with photos of sticky marshmallow faces, consecutive years of Christmas present openings, and the first days of school with the ghost of a parent appearing in only one out of every 43 pictures.

I look kindly on anyone who offers to snap a picture of the three of us.

Except this time. Continue reading →