As I was sitting down to write a new post, I discovered this article by Lisa E. Scott on her site, vainencounters.com:
The “Crazy-Making” Behavior of a Narcissist.
I identified with everything in Lisa’s article. She also mentions the term, gaslight. I had to Google some more. I had heard the term, but never paid attention. I didn’t know it applied to me.
I found this article by Robin Stern, Ph.D.:
What is Gaslighting?
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I had today’s post composed in my head before I had discovered the gaslighting stuff. I even had the appropriate pictures selected. I was ready to hit publish. The post was about how I’m tempted to believe that Mark is changing. I was going to write that I’ve been thinking I really managed to get through to him. I was even wondering if Narcissists are capable of seeing who and what they are, and that their behaviors have a detrimental effect on their families.
You’d think I’d know better by now.
Last night he came over to discuss Christmas gift ideas with the kids.
He left and Jenny broke into tears.
I was present for all the conversations. I heard the veiled put downs, and the not-so-subtle dismissals of the dolls Jenny wants, and the ski pants Will wants. I heard his jovial-sounding sarcastic jabs. In his sing-song voice he said, “Well Honey Bear, I thought you wanted a baby doll carriage. You mean you still like Barbies, too? You still like babies and Barbies?”
“So Will, do you think these ski pants would be cool enough for you?”
These are pokes and prods. These are smarmy little attempts at sounding like an interested dad, but really they show how little he knows them, and how little he cares.
This morning’s discovery of gaslighting was another whisper from the Universe. This time she said, “Hon, don’t be fooled. Don’t believe, for one second, that a Narcissist is capable of changing. It will never be about the kids. It will always be about him. Check out this post on gaslighting. It applies to you, Sweetie, and your kids, too.”
At least she’s still whispering. I half expect her to come at me next time with a 2 x 4.
I’m contemplating treating myself to a day at the spa.
They hadn’t seen him in three weeks. On Friday night, they spent over five hours with him. When they walked in the door, at the end of the night, I did a quick scan to check for rapid blinking, slumped shoulders, nervous pacing or shell-shocked expressions.
Yesterday marked three weeks since
“Mom! Can I do that thing like Cinderella? Can I scrub the floor with a brush and a bucket like Cinderella?”
I never got the hang of water skiing. I tried. I only ever managed to cling to the rope while I was drug around the lake, ending up with extra long arms to prove how hard I tried.
It’s November 1st. The bathroom has yet to be painted. The pumpkin vines are snaking through the dead tomato plants. The leaves are piled against the west fence. I have managed to put the Halloween decorations up on
I took this picture four summers ago. We’d gone camping a month after we’d moved out of their dad’s house. I often wonder what Will was thinking while he was sitting and waiting for the ‘big one’ to land on his line. I hope he was thinking like any other boy doing what he was doing – that he was thinking about fishing.
The Sun, with all the planets revolving around it, and depending on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as though it had nothing else in the Universe to do.
