A sweet, bright light went out today.
Dearest Nina,
You blessed our lives in ways unimaginable. If we are thriving and happy it’s due in so many ways to your patient, enduring love.
We will never forget you. Continue reading →
Posts Tagged: gentle reminders
23
Mar 16
Convictions
I just walked over to the dining room table intending to write “chicken” on my grocery list. I wrote in block letters and put a box around the word, but when I put down the pen, I realized I’d written the word “convictions.”
Have you heard the one about the husband sitting at the dinner table? He intends to say, “Please pass the salt,” but instead he blurts out, “You’ve ruined my life.”
Those messages rise to the surface for a reason. Continue reading →
17
Mar 16
Taking Yourself By The Hand
This isn’t a plug for my book. (It should be obvious to you, by now, that I suck at self-promotion.) This post comes from an observation that I’m not as evolved as Seeing My Path indicated. I ended that book by saying that I acknowledged myself, that I truly saw myself, and that I liked what I saw.
That wasn’t enough.
It’s not possible to make that declaration and simply move on, just as it’s not possible to plant Early Girl tomatoes, say a few nurturing words, and ignore them until the shiny red globes scream to be picked. Without regular attention, those fruits will be cracked and split and assaulted by aphids.
I can’t say to myself, “Yep, you’ve been through the ringer, but you came out swinging and I like you for that!” and assume my job is done. Continue reading →
7
Mar 16
A Narcissism Litmus Test
“Hey, Sandy! How are things? I haven’t seen you in awhile. Have you met Anne? She’s our new backup bartender. You’re going to like her.”
“Hello, Anne. Nice to meet you.” Sandy laughed and pointed at Hank. “I bet you get a real education working with this guy.”
Anne shook Sandy’s hand and said, “You know, I’ve tended other bars, and thought I’d heard it all, but Hank definitely has some new stories.”
Hank laughed, “Who, me? What can I get ya, Sandy?”
“I’m going to pretend that it’s warm enough for a gin and tonic.” Continue reading →
29
Feb 16
If You Know a Child of a Narcissist
There’s a good chance you know a child of a narcissist.
This post is written for you if your friend or loved-one or relative is suffering – or has suffered – at the hands of a narcissist.
Your heart aches for her. You want to make things better for him. You want to ease their pain, even if just for a moment.
You can’t make it all go away. You can’t love them enough to make up for what their parent couldn’t or wouldn’t do. You can’t swoop in and be the caretaker they have always longed for.
You can acknowledge their hurts. You can listen and believe them when they explain who their parent was/is. Continue reading →
15
Feb 16
The Art of Overthinking
It starts with a benign thought.
I look at Jenny and say, “I wonder what I should make for dinner. I’ll go look through the freezer.” As I walk downstairs and head for the freezer, I wonder about painting the basement and look at the pictures on the wall that would need to be moved, in order to paint. I see a landscape that my grandmother painted and I remember her friend, who taught painting, and where she lived and how her friend lived next to a gal I went to high school with and that gal now lives in Missouri and I start thinking of the flooding in Missouri and how many were forced to move; and I think of our move and wonder what people think of that and I think it doesn’t matter what they might be thinking, because what really matters is where I’m going to put a garden in the spring and that leads to thinking about what the forecast is for today and hmm… maybe I should make a pot roast for dinner, because it’s quite overcast out there and this weather calls for comfort food; and I wonder if this overly long sentence should have more commas (or is it semi-colons?) and then I think that I never have known when to use a semi-colon, and …
I look down and wonder why I am standing in front of the freezer.
This is the odyssey of overthinking. From my dreams, I would have to assume that overthinking occurs while I’m sleeping, too. For me, overthinking is my constant state of being.
10
Feb 16
A Day in the Life of an HSP Mom
My fingers are in my ears and I’m yelling, “La la la la la la la. Geez! You haven’t figured out, by now, that it’s not the best idea to tell me of your narrow misses on the ski hill?”
“I know, but it was SO cool.”
“Bud, anyone would tell you that that is just not something to tell a mom – especially an HSP mom. Tell me the gist, but please spare me the gory details.”
“Right. Right. Right. I’m sorry. I know.”
As much as I want to hear how he does on the slopes, if he gives me too many details, I know I won’t be able to let him go. Continue reading →
6
Feb 16
Defining Terms
“Today is ballroom skiing.”
“Huh?”
“Every time you come back from skiing, you share tales of near misses, close calls with concussions, clothes-line incidents and big-air jumps. Today you are skiing on new/used skis after having broken a ski. You know what ballroom skiing is. I want to see ballroom skiing.”
(I define ballroom skiing as big, wide, gentle turns and little to no air.)
I am nervous about Will skiing on some used skis that he found on eBay. They need a lot of tuning, a little waxing and some trial and error. Continue reading →
31
Jan 16
Attack of the Shoulds
I should read more.
I should exercise more.
I should call family and friends more.
I should push Will more in school.
I should get Jen to the skating rink more. Continue reading →
22
Jan 16
Recording Memories
“Outside. Outside! OUTSIDE! Geez, the door is open. You can go outside!”
I was talking to the dogs, or maybe the kids. I can’t remember.
There was the usual chaos that comes with bouncy dogs, kids infested with cabin fever, and a cranky mom who’d forgotten to eat. I checked their school lists and saw that some progress had been made, but more wouldn’t be made unless they both blew off some stink.
Before I could utter the suggestion, Jen looked at my face and calmly said, “Mom? If we promise to get back on our lists, can we head to the pond?”
“Please. Yes. Please go to the pond. Can you take the dogs with you?” Continue reading →
15
Jan 16
On Finding Happiness or Where’s the Embroidery Floss?
We moved, you know. We packed up all our stuff and headed 90 miles west. We’ve been here three and a half months now. Everything is put away. We are finding a groove. We are recreating our old schedule in these new, much larger digs.
We even survived the holidays in this new place.
Barely.
A couple weeks before Christmas I was working on a homemade gift that needed to be finished and mailed. I had to have some purple embroidery floss. That’s when the craziness began, or I should say, the craziness got a little crazier. Continue reading →
8
Jan 16
View From the High Road
“What’s the point of always taking the high road if nothing ever changes? It gets old. Why don’t we try the low road for a change?”
“I hear your frustration, bud. It sucks. I know it does. It does get old.”
“Well, he never takes the high road.”
“Maybe you’re confused about what it means to take the high road.”
Will reached for his coffee and said, “If it doesn’t improve the situation, I don’t see the point.” Continue reading →
30
Nov 15
I Do Not Like Green Pumpkin Pie
“Hey Jesse! How was your Thanksgiving?”
“Well, we all came down with that stomach bug. Only three of the four of us could even eat the dinner. My pumpkin pie turned green. And the dogs ate all of the salami we’d sliced for appetizers. It was the best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had, and I’m NOT being facetious. How was yours? Oh… I’ll have a Fat Tire, please.”
Hank laughed, “Wow! You sound like a beer-drinking Erma Bombeck.”
“I’d bet she tossed back a few in her day. Seriously, though, how was your turkey day?”
“Nice and quiet, just how I like it.” Hank placed an almost over-flowing glass of beer in front of Jesse. Continue reading →
5
Nov 15
A Bird’s Eye View
Keep your crystal ball, I want a bird’s eye view of the path I’ve chosen. Make no mistake, I don’t want to know the outcome. I’m not rushing off to a fortune teller in hopes of getting validation that I’m on the right track. I’ve consulted the runes enough times to get confused over their seemingly mixed signals. They offer some encouragement, but I want more than that.
I want to sore above the trees and get the kind of perspective that only a bird can get. I want a view of the horizon. I want to see right up to the edge without any spoilers. I don’t want to know how it ends. I don’t want to know if there will be a “happily ever after.”
I want to know if I chose the correct path. I want to see if the guideposts are meant for me. I want reassurance that the struggle is due, without knowing the payoff.
Please don’t tell me to have faith.
I’ve had faith before. I’ve continued blindly on what I thought was the right path. The signs along the way were screaming at me to turn around. But I had faith, and I kept going down that path. I had faith, but I didn’t believe. Continue reading →
14
Oct 15
A New Zip Code
“Hey Jesse, I heard you have a new zip code. Whatcha doin’ in here?”
“How are ya, Hank? Yes, we do have a new zip code. It’s only about 90 minutes away. I’m in town to get the house ready to rent out.”
“Wow. Big changes afoot for all of you. How are you doing with it all? And your kids? I saw them the other day at that frozen yogurt place. They appear to be happy and thriving and growing. What can I get you?”
“Do you still have Bayern Amber on tap?”
“Comin’ right up!” Continue reading →
