life « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: life

On Self-Improvement

He’s running across the yard with a huge grin on his face. “Mom! It’s 20 yards from the road. I made it that far! Pretty soon I’ll be hitting the road.”

“Bud, that’s awesome! Ah…. you might have to find a new place to hit from. That could get ugly if you hit a car.”

“I know, but can we pace it off? Can we see how far I’m hitting ’em?”

I grab my coffee and he’s still holding on to his driver when we start counting our paces across the park. We walk over irrigation sprinklers that create patchworks of green on an otherwise brown landscape. We side-step thistle and the party favors left by the neighborhood dogs. I’m counting out loud as we go.

We get to his ball when I reach 238 paces. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Random Observations — 11 Comments
22
Jul 13

On Goddesses, Full Moons and the Wisdom of a 10 Year Old

We were walking to the park. The day’s heat was turning into the moist cool of night. “So… that was probably the longest phone call you’ve had with your dad in as long as I can remember?”

“Yeah. Whew! A lot… of questions.”

“Well… what do you think?”

“What I am supposed to think?”

“I said that wrong. How do you feel?” Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — Comments Off
13
Jul 13

Passion-Driven

I whisper as I nudge his shoulder, “It’s 6:30, honey, time to get up.”

He rolls over to pull the covers over one shoulder, “Okay. I’ll get up in a second.”

I walk out to the kitchen and put some water on to boil. It’s hard for me to be up this early on a Saturday. I don’t know how an almost 15 year old does it.

This is his fourth day in a row.

As I sprinkle coffee into the filter, I can hear rustling coming from his bedroom. I marvel at the fact that most days, I don’t have to nudge him more than once.

He’s got it down to a system. He gets his clubs ready the night before. He lays his clothes out, gathers his wallet, phone and golf journal. In the morning, he needs enough time to shower and get dressed. I can be seen following him around nagging him to take another bite of bagel or drink more water.

We get in the car and we are off.

Depending on whether he golfs 9 or 18 or 27, I won’t hear from him again until he calls to tell me he’s on the tee box of his last hole. This from the boy whose hip has been connected to mine for 15 years. This from the boy who likes to know where I am at all times.

Golfing is his passion. When he’s golfing, he is in his zone. (When he’s not on a course, he’s practicing his swing, Googling other golfers’ swings, learning about new equipment or making a tee time.)

When he’s in his element, he isn’t worrying about what I’m doing, what’s for dinner, whether he has disappointed his dad, or what his sister might be getting that he isn’t getting.

When he is in his zone, he is free to be who he is without the influences of his life.

Who wouldn’t get out of bed at 6:30 on a Saturday to get to a place where you can feel like that?

Postcards From a Thriver — 12 Comments
11
Jul 13

“There Might Be Mermaids!”

“There might be mermaids! Could there be? Why not?”

They’d been hiking around the park, hunting for grasshoppers. They kept hearing a whooshing sound. They gave up the hunt to follow the sound and discovered a mini waterfall spilling from the side of the hill.

They ran back down the hill to get me. “Mom! You’ve gotta see what we discovered! Come on!”

As we hiked the hill, I noticed the expanse of greener grass that had been watered by the spill. It spread down the hill like a lush blanket.

When we arrived at the point of discovery*, their imaginations took flight.

“Well there could be mermaids down there. The water is cool and clear. They like that kind of water.”

“Let’s call grandpa! He’s gotta see this!”

“There is so much water every where! Can this be our discovery?”

They were excited and pleased with what they hoped they were the first to see. They imagined all possible and impossible explanations.

We stood in the sun and watched the park drink up the sparkling pools of water.

For 60 minutes, I forgot about laundry, dirty dishes, weeds in the garden and to-do lists. For one whole lovely hour I was a kid who believed in the unbelievable.

There could be mermaids or pots of gold under rainbows or unicorns or charming princes.

There could be _________________________.

You fill in the blank with whatever it is that makes your day brighter – even if for only a minute.

*It turns out the source was a broken irrigation line, but it was fun imagining until reality set in.

Postcards From a Thriver is a new category on the blog.
Look for bright spots and examples of a thriving life.

Parenting / Random Observations / Stories — 2 Comments
29
Jun 13

When Your Best Is Good Enough

She was flitting from one to the other. She didn’t have time to look for worms. Many times they may have been given a bit of sand instead of a grub or a Chokecherry berry.

She was doing her best, and her best produced plump, tweeting, happy teenage Robins.

Between three squawking teenage kids, the momma Robin was moving fast. She’d barely get something in one beak, and a second beak was in her face. In their birdy language, they were saying, “Over hear!” “What about me?” “Can I have more?”

She obliged with tenderness and efficiency.

I spied them from a window. I watched as she flitted as if she’d never tire. I was so proud of her. She was focused on her most important job. I said, “Hey, you guys. I know what my next post will be about… ” Continue reading →

Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 2 Comments
25
Jun 13

The Journey

“”Honey, the mediation spa that you made out of popsicle sticks didn’t do so well in the storm last night. I love that thing. Would you mind getting the hot glue gun out and putting it back together?”

“I could, but I’ve got other projects going on.”

“Okay. I was thinking the spa was too wonderful to give up on, but if you are cool with it, I am.”

“Mom, it’s about the journey, not the goal.”

That’s when you know they listen.

Random Observations — 12 Comments
12
Jun 13

“Hey, Lady! Back Away From That Black Box!”

It might have helped if I’d known more before finding myself teetering on the railing of a bridge, clutching a Black Box of cabernet.

Had I known, I wouldn’t have felt the need to write about how worthless I feel.

If I’d been told, I wouldn’t have frantically searched the yellow pages looking for a therapist to tell me that I wasn’t having a nervous breakdown.

It would have helped to know before I found myself wrangling with either wanting to jump my manfriend’s bones or figure out why he was trying to ruin my life with his very existence.

If I had known, I’d have understood why none of the usual words weren’t helping. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Spirit Guides / Stories — 7 Comments
27
May 13

One Afternoon at the Cemetery

She winds the strands of her beaded necklace through delicate fingers. Tilting her head back, she exhales, and points the ember in the direction of the couple yelling at their dog.

“What is it with people and their dogs? I mean, dogs are swell, but why bring your dog to the cemetery and then yell at it for running through the grass and sniffing at other folks? For God’s sake! Get that dog to a park, let it run and stop yelling at it.”

“Gladys, you’re dropping ashes on your dress. Shouldn’t you be more careful, dear?”

“Thanks, Margaret, but you know I’ve got more dresses where this one came from. It’s just a dress. What kind of pie are you making today? Lemon chiffon? Banana cream? Or blueberry? I love hot blueberry pie dripping with real cream – not that stuff they call cream now-a-days.”

“Hey, Gladys. You sure they can’t hear us? You sure I can skate off of these grave markers? Nobody’ll care, right?” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Random Observations — 18 Comments
23
May 13

Beware of Nice Narcissists

Nice feels good. Nice looks good.

Nice smooths rough edges, makes conversations less awkward, and hides ugliness.

There’s a plaque above my cupboard that says, Because Nice Matters. Another sign at the front door reads, Be nice or go away.

For a long time, I firmly believed that the world would be better off if we would all be a little nicer. What if we always made casseroles and brought them to those recuperating from surgery? What if we remembered birthdays and sent cards? What if we gave up our seat on the bus and held the door and remembered to shut our mouths when we couldn’t think of anything nice to say.

Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / My Minimalism / Random Observations — 2 Comments
13
May 13

My Elevator Pitch

I’m on my way to a dentist appointment. I’m wearing a cotton skirt, sandals, a faded denim blouse and a smile. I can’t remember the last time I wore nylons or had a manicure. I’m thinking about how much more garden I have to turn up before we get to start planting. I make a mental note to stop at the hardware store after the dentist. I’ll get washers to fix the hose, check out the bedding plants and grab a bag of briquettes. It’s warm enough for burgers on the grill tonight. The sun tea should be ready in time for dinner.

The elevator doors close and a woman in a tailored business suit turns, looks me up and down and says, “So what do you do?”

“Hi.

Um.

Well…

I guide two outstanding young people through the minefield of dealing with a narcissistic parent. I homeschool, practice living on a budget, and work from home. I wrote a couple motivational books for those in difficult relationships, and I’m working on a novel. I blog about narcissism to shed light on NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Through stories and pictures, I show how good life can be when brave steps are taken to leave an abusive relationship. Creativity, humor and harmony are on my list of priorities, right after my kids, reading and sleep. I drink too much coffee and try not to take myself too seriously.

Thanks for asking.

What do you do?”

The doors opened. As she stepped one heel out of the elevator, she looked over her shoulder and said, “Are you hiring?”

Moving On / Random Observations — 2 Comments
18
Apr 13

On Spring Cleaning, Fly Fishing and Hard Feelings

My idea of spring cleaning consists of blowing the dust off the stuff on the high shelf just enough to release the cobwebs that are anchored there. When a quick puff didn’t take care of things, I reached up to pull this jar down. It’s been on my bathroom shelf since we moved to this home.

I wiped off six years of dust and handed the jar to Jenny. As she took the rocks out, one by one, she commented on their smoothness and wondered where I’d found them.

“Your dad and I used to fly fish before Will was born. I was always on the lookout for rocks when I wasn’t casting the line.”

“How come you hardly ever fish anymore?”

“Well, things change when you have babies. Someone needs to tend to the baby and that leaves the other person free to fish. I was tending to babies, your dad did the fishing. I guess I got wrapped up with kids and forgot I liked to fish.” Continue reading →

Quotes — Comments Off
28
Jan 13

Encouragement

Most of us,
swimming against the tides of trouble the world knows nothing about,
need only a bit of praise or encouragement –
and we will make the goal.

– Robert Collier

Moving On / Quotes / Stories — 4 Comments
17
Jan 13

On Broken Hearts

“Well,” the Goddess said,
“your heart didn’t heal straight the last time it broke.
So we’ll break it again and reset it so it heals straight this time.”

– Jane Yolen

*Maybe if we looked at it this way,
a broken heart wouldn’t seem insurmountable.

Random Observations / Stories — 15 Comments
15
Jan 13

The Jigsaw Puzzle

She was too exhausted to untie the bundle. He stood next to her and excitedly pulled at the bow that was wrapped tightly around the four corners of the blanket. His hands were shaking. He fumbled a bit, but the blanket fell open to reveal the most precious gift. He gently placed the baby in her arms. They didn’t notice the green organza bag that fell out of the blanket to the floor.

They cooed at the baby while the nurse placed the green bag inside an overnight bag.

__________

A couple days later a tired, happy, new mom unpacked the overnight bag. Inside she found the shiny green bag. Was it a gift from the hospital? In her exhaustion, had she forgotten who’d brought her this unusual gift? She opened the bag to find seven brightly colored pieces from a jigsaw puzzle. Surely there was a puzzle somewhere that was missing important pieces. Who could this belong to?

She was too tired to sort out the mystery, so she placed the green bag on the shelf above the changing table. Continue reading →

Quotes — 2 Comments
11
Jan 13