Posts Tagged: narcissist behavior

Child of Narcissist / Control / Parenting / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 8 Comments
24
Aug 12

On Being The Windshield

Sometimes your the windshield,
Sometimes your the bug.
-The Bug Lyrics
Mary Chapin Carpenter
 

A month ago, we told Mark that his scheduled visits weren’t working for us.

He had been the one to print the calendars and assign the visit days and hours per visit.  He delivered the calendars sometimes two months in advance and, in most cases, refused to be flexible saying, “The calendar was printed two months ago.  The kids know the schedule.  There will be no changes or cancellations.”

Life doesn’t work that way – especially with curious, creative, active young people.

Cousins come to town and want to spend every waking – heck, even the sleeping – moment with cousins they see only once a year.

Friends call with invites to fish or solve mysteries or paint or golf or just hang out all day without plans. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / My Minimalism / Parenting — 20 Comments
15
Aug 12

Surviving Nicely – 3

The third anniversary of this blog quietly came and went.

__________

I harvested pales of fresh raspberries and discussed freezer jam recipes.

I collected rocks with Jen and counted the different types of butterflies that landed on the wildflowers beside the cabin.  We lost track of the count when we spied two frogs in a rain puddle.

I took pictures of a grinning Will and the trout he was catching. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Parenting / Stories / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 25 Comments
17
Jul 12

A Wink From the Universe

She certainly didn’t need another cup of coffee.

She looked inside her purse to make sure the box of Pepcid was there.  She wouldn’t have been surprised if – in the panic this morning – she’d left it on the kitchen counter.

Good.  There was the Pepcid.  She took one with a sip of cold coffee.

The worst part about these court appearances is that they were early in the day – too early for liquid courage.

At least the kids didn’t have to be at this court appearance.  It was stressful enough without having to consider the emotional fallout from the kids.  It’s not like she could pump them full of antacids.

__________ Continue reading →

Moving On / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 8 Comments
13
Jul 12

Your Narcissism Handbook

This isn’t a bullet-point list of the ten proven steps you can take – tonight – to please your narcissist.

This isn’t the CliffsNotes Guide to convincing your counselor of your spouse’s NPD.

This isn’t the ultimate guide to finding an attorney who believes you when you try to convince her that your spouse’s charm is a ruse, and that he’ll take you to the cleaners, and trample his own kids on the way to the bank.

This isn’t the long-awaited recipe for a homeopathic remedy that you slip into your wife’s coffee in the morning in hopes she’ll come home, wrap you in her arms, apologize for treating you poorly, and promise to make you the priority you deserve to be.

This isn’t the iPhone app that supplies the snarky comebacks you wish you were quick enough to come up with to say to the narcissist in the next cubicle. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Parenting / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 22 Comments
9
Jul 12

Refresher Course in Backbone Building

“Don’t give me that condescending load of crap.”

That was his response when I asked if he would please feed Will dinner instead of a milkshake on their outdoor adventure days.

He said, “He told me he wasn’t hungry when I asked if he’d rather have dinner or a milkshake.”

What kid wouldn’t choose a milkshake over dinner?

I couldn’t leave it alone. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 38 Comments
5
Jul 12

Scream It With Me

From the nearest hilltop.

From a virtual mountain, if that’s your thing.

From the top floor of your apartment building.

From your desk at work with your mute button on.

From your shower.

With fists clenched and head thrown back…

 

“I am a good person.

I have a kind heart.

I have always tried to do my best.

I know I am responsible for where I have ended up.

 

Must I pay for my mistakes for the rest of my life?!

 

May I be done now?”

 

 

Straighten your blouse, brush your bangs to the side, glance around to see if anyone is staring and get back on your path.

 

 

*The desperate screams of a woman who fears she’ll have to deal with her narcissistic ex-husband for the rest of her life.

 

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Quotes / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 9 Comments
3
Jul 12

When He Cries

yin and yangBeware of men who cry.
It’s true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings,
but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with
are their own.
– Nora Ephron
 

Beware the man who, when you tell him you’re leaving your husband, starts to cry and lament the fact that his wife left him five years ago.

 

Beware the man who, when surrounded by the beauty of his own children, sheds “happy” tears about a stranger’s five year old daughter who sat on his lap and kissed his cheek.

 

Embrace the man who gazes at you and tears up because he knows his life is blessed by your presence; and he makes it his mission to never let you feel taken for granted.

 

 

 

Control / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / My Minimalism / Recipes / Tools — 22 Comments
8
Jun 12

The Secret Ingredient in My Low-Tech Cappuccino

 

The froth is the perfect warmth as it clings to my lips.   The nutmeg tastes earthy.   The espresso is strong enough without stealing the show from the froth.  And the sugar….  oh…

Starting the day with cappuccino is a fine way to practice a little self-care.  This is indulgence with a kick.

 

Low-Tech Cappuccino

  • 1/3 C  2% milk
  • 3 T finely ground espresso or dark roast
  • 1 t sugar – rounded and spilling over
  • pinch of nutmeg or cinnamon or both

    • Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Parenting / The World Revolves Around Me / Tools — 12 Comments
26
Apr 12

Selective Attention and Homemade Tea Bags

her pretend tea bags When I brew a cup of tea, Jenny runs over to stand next to my cup.  Her turned-up nose hovers over the steam as she inhales deeply.  She loves the smell of tea but isn’t fond of the taste.  She often asks if she can dunk my tea bag while she watches the hot water take on the soft yellow of Chamomile.  She likes knowing the color comes from flower petals.

I think she’s drawn to the ritual of the process.  She’s fascinated by the little envelopes that hold the dried leaves.  She likes the names of tea:  English Breakfast, Orange Pekoe, Honey Bush, Peppermint and Lemon Zinger.

And so she spent the better part of a sunny afternoon, sitting out on the patio with paper, embroidery floss, staples, tape and markers to make her own tea bags.  Her tea bags contained imaginary dried petals and herbs.

Will and I marveled at how much they looked like real tea bags.  Maybe these were tea bags for baby dolls.  They might be used for a party with imaginary friends.

Jenny served us up some “steaming hot tea” in pastel-colored cups with mismatched saucers.  Will asked for Peppermint.  I chose Earl Grey. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Narcissist Quotes / Parenting / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 19 Comments
15
Apr 12

Narcissism – The Crux of the Matter

Me:  “He’s demonstrated that he is more than willing to put in the time.  When other kids his age beg to play Xbox, he searches the internet for tips on golf swings.  Clearly, this is one of his top three passions – it may be the thing he is most passionate about.  We’ve been told by a couple instructors that he is blessed with some natural talent.  We don’t spend money on soccer or baseball or football or guitar or karate.  I really think it’s time we get him some lessons and support him in this thing he loves.”

Him:  “My parents never did that for me.”

Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 16 Comments
10
Apr 12

When Enough Is Enough

She could remember when seeing his name in her Inbox made her heart race with excitement.  Now seeing his name in her Inbox made her palms sweat.  She let the cursor hover over his name.  She didn’t want to click to open his email.

She’d have to decide what to write back.

Did she even want to write back?

Being nice was her thing.  She’d been supportive.  She’d been there.  She’d listened and responded.

Was there anything positive coming out of this relationship?  If this was positive, why did it feel bad?

Were there healthier places to invest this energy?

Was she opening and answering emails because she was afraid there wouldn’t be another to come along.

She closed her laptop and stared out the window at the park.

__________

Her daughter came up and said, “Mom…  are you interruptible?  Can I ask you something?”

She looked into her daughter’s blue eyes and found the answer she’d been looking for:

Would she – one day – want her kids to
pin their hopes on this kind of relationship?

 

She opened her laptop and deleted his email before opening it.

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 6 Comments
2
Apr 12

He Might Be A Narcissist If …

… before you were married, he said flattering things about the way you dressed and the clever way you put yourself together.  After marriage, he tells you how he never liked boots with skirts, and that you shouldn’t wear your hair short because it makes your face look full.

… he refuses to suggest that you spend a day doing something you’ve been talking about – something he knows you’ve been dying to do – until you beg him to go with you.

… he spends more time getting ready in the morning than you.  His lotions and potions take up more space in the bathroom than your creams, and he often smells more fragrant than you.

… before marriage he was convinced you did everything perfectly.   Now that you’ve been married for eight months you’ve mysteriously forgotten how to cook an egg, sweep a floor, make a proper bed or keep the car tidy.

… he says you spend too much time reading and not enough time watching the stuff he likes on T.V. Continue reading →

Opportunistic / Random Observations / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 42 Comments
29
Mar 12

Narcissists in the Desert

We’re home.

The vacation zen is making it hard to focus.

I’m short on words but long on photos.

Looking through the 300-plus photos, I started laughing at how much cactus is like a narcissist. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / Parenting / Seeing My Path / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 34 Comments
9
Mar 12

Things That Can Be Fixed

Jenny fixes a too gaudy Barbie dress by altering it.  She cuts off the flouncy sleeves and shortens the train.  She might use tape or thread or buttons, but she knows she can fix it.  She’ll even fix Barbie’s hair with snips here and there.

When the wheels don’t spin fast enough on his skateboard, Will can fix that problem by cleaning the bearings.

I can fix a too-thin sauce in a batch of  Chicken and Broccoli Fettuccine by letting the sauce soak into the pasta a bit before serving.

I fix the toilet when it makes that whistling sound.  Will fixes the squeaky hinge on the art supply cupboard.  Jen fixes a meal of flowers and herbs for her imaginary pony.

Fixing is what we do.  Fixing is in our blood. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 18 Comments
6
Mar 12

Listening To My Body*

I walked out of the doctor’s office and ran across the street to the drug store where everyone knew me by name.  I was out of Pepcid.  I had a box in the bathroom, two in the kitchen cupboard, one in the office desk, and one under the car seat, but the box in my purse was empty.

I had made an appointment hoping to discover a name for this thing that caused me to go through antacids the way a nervous first-year college student goes through cigarettes.

The doctor ruled out pregnancy, gall bladder, and Crohn’s.

Last month, I’d asked my OB-Gyn if it was typical to require a prescription in order to stay married.  She said, “Jesse, I think you know the answer.”

Today, in the doctor’s sterile office with the posters advertising the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, I asked, “What now?  Do I live on Pepcid for the rest of my life? Is this normal?” Continue reading →

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