gratitude « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: gratitude

My Minimalism / Postcards From a Thriver — 2 Comments
16
Sep 13

Hope In A Jar

“Mom, what colors do you pick?”

“Um…. how about red, purple and turquoise.”

“Oh, that’ll be pretty. I’ll see if I can layer the beads in this little jar.” She makes a teensy funnel out of a scrap of paper.

“Okay! The beads are in, and they stayed in separate layers! Look! What do you want the label to say?”

“Well…. I’m not sure. How about, “Faith, Hope, Love.”

“I like that. I’ll have to write real tiny.” She cuts a thin strip of paper, just long enough for three words.

“Oh, Jenny! It’s beautiful! Thank you.”

As she sorts beads for the next jar she asks, “Where are you going to put it?”

“How about in a window where it can catch the sun?”

Moving On / Random Observations — 6 Comments
13
Sep 13

It Wasn’t Supposed To Be Like This

She dusted the potting soil off of the rim of the clay pot. “Mom, I potted the Hoya clipping. They’re supposed to be in a north-facing window. Where should I put it?”

“Well, we have two options. Let’s see if we can make room for it.”

“Did you have more plants at dad’s house?”

“Yeah, we had lots of houseplants at dad’s house.”

“How come?” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver — 4 Comments
13
Aug 13

A Page From a Thriver’s Life

She sips coffee under the Sumacs (that he would never let her grow) while the cat (that he would not let her have) rubs against her ankles.

She has the whole glorious day ahead of her. She will skip breakfast if she wants. She’ll read, before chores, from a book that was on her own reading list.

She could fry up potatoes with onions and peppers and add too much cumin seed and spill too much salsa on too much cheese and not give a second thought to carbs.

She’ll walk when she wants, where she wants, for as long as she wants.

Or she won’t walk at all. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Random Observations — 11 Comments
22
Jul 13

On Goddesses, Full Moons and the Wisdom of a 10 Year Old

We were walking to the park. The day’s heat was turning into the moist cool of night. “So… that was probably the longest phone call you’ve had with your dad in as long as I can remember?”

“Yeah. Whew! A lot… of questions.”

“Well… what do you think?”

“What I am supposed to think?”

“I said that wrong. How do you feel?” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Parenting / Tools — 4 Comments
17
Jul 13

The green index card in my purse is my backbone fortifier. The card contains notes on how to handle verbal attacks. A friend on Twitter sent me a link to Martha Beck’s post on the subject. I had to create a short-hand version of Martha’s approach so as to fit it on one side of the card. I wanted a quick cheat sheet to refer to when necessary.

(No, I haven’t actually pulled the card out in front of an attacker. Not yet.)

I refer to this card when I’m standing in line at the grocery store. I re-read this card when I’m in the parking lot waiting for Will to finish 18 holes. Looking in my purse to find chapstick, I see the green of the card and I’m reminded of the key points.

Here’s the version that has helped me.

1. Fighting Stance. Continue reading →

Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 2 Comments
25
Jun 13

The Journey

“”Honey, the mediation spa that you made out of popsicle sticks didn’t do so well in the storm last night. I love that thing. Would you mind getting the hot glue gun out and putting it back together?”

“I could, but I’ve got other projects going on.”

“Okay. I was thinking the spa was too wonderful to give up on, but if you are cool with it, I am.”

“Mom, it’s about the journey, not the goal.”

That’s when you know they listen.

Random Observations — 12 Comments
12
Jun 13

“Hey, Lady! Back Away From That Black Box!”

It might have helped if I’d known more before finding myself teetering on the railing of a bridge, clutching a Black Box of cabernet.

Had I known, I wouldn’t have felt the need to write about how worthless I feel.

If I’d been told, I wouldn’t have frantically searched the yellow pages looking for a therapist to tell me that I wasn’t having a nervous breakdown.

It would have helped to know before I found myself wrangling with either wanting to jump my manfriend’s bones or figure out why he was trying to ruin my life with his very existence.

If I had known, I’d have understood why none of the usual words weren’t helping. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations — 2 Comments
18
Apr 13

On Spring Cleaning, Fly Fishing and Hard Feelings

My idea of spring cleaning consists of blowing the dust off the stuff on the high shelf just enough to release the cobwebs that are anchored there. When a quick puff didn’t take care of things, I reached up to pull this jar down. It’s been on my bathroom shelf since we moved to this home.

I wiped off six years of dust and handed the jar to Jenny. As she took the rocks out, one by one, she commented on their smoothness and wondered where I’d found them.

“Your dad and I used to fly fish before Will was born. I was always on the lookout for rocks when I wasn’t casting the line.”

“How come you hardly ever fish anymore?”

“Well, things change when you have babies. Someone needs to tend to the baby and that leaves the other person free to fish. I was tending to babies, your dad did the fishing. I guess I got wrapped up with kids and forgot I liked to fish.” Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Random Observations — 3 Comments
17
Feb 13

Let This Be Enough

In this moment, let quiet beauty be enough.

Random Observations — 6 Comments
20
Nov 12

A Thanksgiving Prayer

Thank you for blessing me with Will and Jenny. Their presence is proof that I deserve good in my life.

Thank you for presenting me with the lessons I need. Thanks, also, for your patience while I re-learn a lot of those lessons.

Thank you for knowing how much I can handle, and for not dumping it on me all at once.

Thank you for leaves to rake, fresh air to breathe, snowflakes to anticipate and the change in the seasons.

Thank you for each new quiet morning, the fullness of the day, and the tranquility of night.

Thank you for not taking me too seriously, and for not laughing at me when I do.

Thank you for friends – those who’ve come and gone and left their mark, and those who’ve stayed for the long haul.

Thank you for family and their impact on our lives.

Thank you for giving second, third and fourth chances so that I may continue to try and get it right.

Random Observations — 6 Comments
29
Oct 12

Bringing Out the Best in Each Other

The turning leaves are enhanced by the dusting of white on the river bank. The leaves aren’t frosted in white, and the white bank isn’t covered with amber leaves.

The leaves and the snow bring out the beauty in each other.

__________

She offers to fill my calendar along with her own, and laughs when I say, “We’ll take a rain check on that one.” Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 5 Comments
2
Oct 12

What Change Feels Like

Change feels like the steady slow creep to the crest of the roller coaster hill, the brief pause before the crazy descent and the exhilaration that comes from having the guts to go, without the throwing up after.

Change feels like the warmth coming from the wood stove after splitting and stacking the wood and cleaning the chimney – the warmth that comes from self-sufficiency and independence.

Change feels like that pair of jeans that fits your figure and makes you feel good about yourself, even if there are parts of you that you’d just as soon forget about.

Change feels like the time you had the courage to raise your hand because you knew the answer, having been called on, and being right.

Change feels like knowing something – down to your bones: the directions to your brother’s house in a city you visit once a year; the memorized recipe for brownies you make from scratch when that craving for chocolaty decadence takes over; the friend you can call at whatever hour because you both are always there for each other. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Parenting / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 8 Comments
24
Aug 12

On Being The Windshield

Sometimes your the windshield,
Sometimes your the bug.

-The Bug Lyrics
Mary Chapin Carpenter

A month ago, we told Mark that his scheduled visits weren’t working for us.

He had been the one to print the calendars and assign the visit days and hours per visit. He delivered the calendars sometimes two months in advance and, in most cases, refused to be flexible saying, “The calendar was printed two months ago. The kids know the schedule. There will be no changes or cancellations.”

Life doesn’t work that way – especially with curious, creative, active young people.

Cousins come to town and want to spend every waking – heck, even the sleeping – moment with cousins they see only once a year.

Friends call with invites to fish or solve mysteries or paint or golf or just hang out all day without plans. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / My Minimalism / Parenting — 20 Comments
15
Aug 12

Surviving Nicely – 3

The third anniversary of this blog quietly came and went.

__________

I harvested pales of fresh raspberries and discussed freezer jam recipes.

I collected rocks with Jen and counted the different types of butterflies that landed on the wildflowers beside the cabin. We lost track of the count when we spied two frogs in a rain puddle.

I took pictures of a grinning Will and the trout he was catching. Continue reading →

Homeschool / My Minimalism / Parenting — 8 Comments
10
Aug 12