Surviving Narcissism Jesse Blayne writes about thriving after marriage to a narcissist.

For what it’s worth, the following is a list of pearls – advice I’ve received over the last so many years.

Some was delivered by a caring family member or a dear friend.

Some was gleaned from a magazine article or a self-help book.

Some was uncovered while searching the internet in the wee hours.

Some was initially ignored.

These are the most useful words that I turn to when I don’t know where else to turn.  These aren’t direct quotes, but paraphrases of helpful bits that have gotten us through.

• If it’s hard to get, it’s hard to keep.

• If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, run screaming in the other direction.

• Your gut always tells the truth.

• If you have to ask him to listen, he’s not interested.

• If she says she doesn’t have time, what she’s really saying is that she doesn’t want to.

• Respect is not a given, it should be earned.

• Respect has nothing to do with age.

• It doesn’t need to be this hard.

• If you want mail, you’ve got to send mail.

• If you want friends, you have to be a friend.

• It’s okay if everyone doesn’t like you.

• It’s okay to not like everyone.

• If you aren’t feeling good about yourself, it might be that you are surrounded by assholes.

• Good sleep is better than all the makeup in the world.

• Humor can be found in almost every situation; find the funny part and quit dwelling on the negative.

• They can treat me whatever way they choose; I can choose to accept that treatment or not.

• Keep talking until you find someone who understands and believes you – they are out there.

• Kids are wise old souls in new bodies – treat them accordingly.

• There’s no point in talking the talk if you aren’t planning to take some action.

• There’s nothing wrong with going to bed early.  (See above on sleep and makeup.)

• Many things can be fixed with a hug and good music.

• We cross paths for a reason – it’s okay if we don’t stay on the same path forever.

 

*Share your favorite advice in the comments below.  Let’s compile a fabulous list.