Child of Narcissist

Child of Narcissist / My Minimalism / Parenting / Random Observations — 8 Comments
24
Jul 12

Notes From a Summer Getaway

You may be thinking that you need a prescription, but it could be that you need to drive a road that lazily winds around a mountain lake.  Roll the windows down and sing to the Doobie Brothers.*

Kids don’t need DVD players or iPads if one of ’em has a fishing pole, the other has a floaty mattress for playing in the lake and they both have nets for catching minnows.

Moms don’t need laptops, internet connection or a day at the spa if they have a good friend to chat with and reservations for dinner.

The withdrawals from that lack of internet connection last about four hours.  Fill the void with Cheetos and red wine.  It’ll pass. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Parenting / Stories / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 25 Comments
17
Jul 12

A Wink From the Universe

She certainly didn’t need another cup of coffee.

She looked inside her purse to make sure the box of Pepcid was there.  She wouldn’t have been surprised if – in the panic this morning – she’d left it on the kitchen counter.

Good.  There was the Pepcid.  She took one with a sip of cold coffee.

The worst part about these court appearances is that they were early in the day – too early for liquid courage.

At least the kids didn’t have to be at this court appearance.  It was stressful enough without having to consider the emotional fallout from the kids.  It’s not like she could pump them full of antacids.

__________ Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Parenting / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 22 Comments
9
Jul 12

Refresher Course in Backbone Building

“Don’t give me that condescending load of crap.”

That was his response when I asked if he would please feed Will dinner instead of a milkshake on their outdoor adventure days.

He said, “He told me he wasn’t hungry when I asked if he’d rather have dinner or a milkshake.”

What kid wouldn’t choose a milkshake over dinner?

I couldn’t leave it alone. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 38 Comments
5
Jul 12

Scream It With Me

From the nearest hilltop.

From a virtual mountain, if that’s your thing.

From the top floor of your apartment building.

From your desk at work with your mute button on.

From your shower.

With fists clenched and head thrown back…

 

“I am a good person.

I have a kind heart.

I have always tried to do my best.

I know I am responsible for where I have ended up.

 

Must I pay for my mistakes for the rest of my life?!

 

May I be done now?”

 

 

Straighten your blouse, brush your bangs to the side, glance around to see if anyone is staring and get back on your path.

 

 

*The desperate screams of a woman who fears she’ll have to deal with her narcissistic ex-husband for the rest of her life.

 

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Quotes / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 9 Comments
3
Jul 12

When He Cries

yin and yangBeware of men who cry.
It’s true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings,
but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with
are their own.
– Nora Ephron
 

Beware the man who, when you tell him you’re leaving your husband, starts to cry and lament the fact that his wife left him five years ago.

 

Beware the man who, when surrounded by the beauty of his own children, sheds “happy” tears about a stranger’s five year old daughter who sat on his lap and kissed his cheek.

 

Embrace the man who gazes at you and tears up because he knows his life is blessed by your presence; and he makes it his mission to never let you feel taken for granted.

 

 

 

Child of Narcissist / Random Observations / Stories — 6 Comments
25
Jun 12

On Building Character

It was her job to load the splitter, catch the split logs and pass them to the stacker.  They developed a rhythm as they worked, stopping only to drink water or wipe sweaty brows.  They enjoyed a sense of accomplishment, congratulating each other as the stack grew.  The hard work earned them the beers they would enjoy on the deck that afternoon.

Logs with knots were tricky for the splitter.  She’d learned that when a log doesn’t split all the way because of a knot, she could lift the log over her head and slam it down on the ground with all her might.  The force would split the log in two.

Sometimes.

That trick didn’t always work.

Some logs were tougher than others. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Parenting / Random Observations / Stories — 5 Comments
2
Jun 12

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up – 3

By the end of the third full day of rain, we’d filled our Yahtzee pages and played enough Aggravation to understand how the game got its name.

We’d run through Oh, Hell and Cribbage, too.  In a desperate move, I suggested Trivial Pursuit, even though I could clearly remember how the game was a yawn fest when I was a kid.

Jenny escaped to the garage to work on a project with grandpa.

Will, grandma and I dusted off the Trivial Pursuit box and pulled out the cards.   It wouldn’t be long before we’d lose Will.  We fumbled with questions like, “What team retired baseball player Stan Musial’s No. 6?” and “Who’s the barber in The Barber of Seville?”

It was Will’s turn. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Random Observations — 5 Comments
26
May 12

Proof of Love

proof of loveThe bouquet looks tired.  She ought to have pitched it a couple days ago.  She turns the vase to view the arrangement from a different angle and convinces herself that if she changed the water, she could enjoy it for another day or two.

He leaves hand prints in the dust on the cover of the box as he opens it.  The box contains a package of lures, empty 22 shells, skateboard bearings, tech deck pieces and pictures of successful fishing trips.  He keeps the packaging from the gifts.  He’s yet to use the lures for fear he’ll lose one.

He closes the box and grabs for his cell.  He’s hoping to make plans to shoot gophers or stop at the convenience store to pick up worms and go fishing or take a long bike ride.  He leaves another message.

She devotes a drawer in her vanity to notes and cards.  There’s one her dad have given her on her twelfth birthday.  There’s a scribbled note from the boy that sat behind her in 8th grade English.  She found a couple from college roommates.

The drawer is lined with the glitter sprinkled on the “fancier” cards.  She remembers being a little girl excitedly opening a birthday card.  The glitter would stick to her fingers as she read the card’s message.  She believed receiving a fancy card was a sign of a true, lasting kind of love. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 21 Comments
15
May 12

My Conversation With Audrey Hepburn

I steeled myself enough to peek over the edge of the covers.  Audrey was staring back at me.

“This is kind of late for you, isn’t it Dear?  Shouldn’t you be well into the morning’s chapter of reading by now?”

“I know, Audrey.  I know.  This is late.  I’m hiding.  I’m playing the role of the ostrich today.”

“I see.  So because you received a call with some unsettling news on Saturday, and slumped around in a funk all day Sunday, you think what you really need to do today is sleep in and avoid the rest of the world?”

“Well… yes.  I am going to fold my tent.  I will fold it neatly and tuck it away.  I’ll spend the day in bed with the covers pulled over my head and wait for everything to blow away in the wind.” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Parenting / The World Revolves Around Me / Tools — 12 Comments
26
Apr 12

Selective Attention and Homemade Tea Bags

her pretend tea bags When I brew a cup of tea, Jenny runs over to stand next to my cup.  Her turned-up nose hovers over the steam as she inhales deeply.  She loves the smell of tea but isn’t fond of the taste.  She often asks if she can dunk my tea bag while she watches the hot water take on the soft yellow of Chamomile.  She likes knowing the color comes from flower petals.

I think she’s drawn to the ritual of the process.  She’s fascinated by the little envelopes that hold the dried leaves.  She likes the names of tea:  English Breakfast, Orange Pekoe, Honey Bush, Peppermint and Lemon Zinger.

And so she spent the better part of a sunny afternoon, sitting out on the patio with paper, embroidery floss, staples, tape and markers to make her own tea bags.  Her tea bags contained imaginary dried petals and herbs.

Will and I marveled at how much they looked like real tea bags.  Maybe these were tea bags for baby dolls.  They might be used for a party with imaginary friends.

Jenny served us up some “steaming hot tea” in pastel-colored cups with mismatched saucers.  Will asked for Peppermint.  I chose Earl Grey. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Homeschool / My Minimalism / Parenting / Quotes / Random Observations — 13 Comments
18
Apr 12

It Isn’t Fair But It Is Good


We’d gone in search of lavender fleece.  We came home with jewelry making supplies, three unpainted birdhouses in need of jazz, and half a yard of turquoise fleece for, “You know, mom….  more projects.”

The idea was that each of us would paint a birdhouse.

Will and Jen are coming out of that blissful phase of thinking everything they do is fantastic.  They are starting to compare their creations to others.  But for right now they still relish the act of creating.  That means they get out the paints, sit down on the floor and go to it.

Without a plan.

Without first sketching, erasing, sketching again or starting over. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Narcissist Quotes / Parenting / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 19 Comments
15
Apr 12

Narcissism – The Crux of the Matter

Me:  “He’s demonstrated that he is more than willing to put in the time.  When other kids his age beg to play Xbox, he searches the internet for tips on golf swings.  Clearly, this is one of his top three passions – it may be the thing he is most passionate about.  We’ve been told by a couple instructors that he is blessed with some natural talent.  We don’t spend money on soccer or baseball or football or guitar or karate.  I really think it’s time we get him some lessons and support him in this thing he loves.”

Him:  “My parents never did that for me.”

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 6 Comments
2
Apr 12

He Might Be A Narcissist If …

… before you were married, he said flattering things about the way you dressed and the clever way you put yourself together.  After marriage, he tells you how he never liked boots with skirts, and that you shouldn’t wear your hair short because it makes your face look full.

… he refuses to suggest that you spend a day doing something you’ve been talking about – something he knows you’ve been dying to do – until you beg him to go with you.

… he spends more time getting ready in the morning than you.  His lotions and potions take up more space in the bathroom than your creams, and he often smells more fragrant than you.

… before marriage he was convinced you did everything perfectly.   Now that you’ve been married for eight months you’ve mysteriously forgotten how to cook an egg, sweep a floor, make a proper bed or keep the car tidy.

… he says you spend too much time reading and not enough time watching the stuff he likes on T.V. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / Parenting / Seeing My Path / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 34 Comments
9
Mar 12

Things That Can Be Fixed

Jenny fixes a too gaudy Barbie dress by altering it.  She cuts off the flouncy sleeves and shortens the train.  She might use tape or thread or buttons, but she knows she can fix it.  She’ll even fix Barbie’s hair with snips here and there.

When the wheels don’t spin fast enough on his skateboard, Will can fix that problem by cleaning the bearings.

I can fix a too-thin sauce in a batch of  Chicken and Broccoli Fettuccine by letting the sauce soak into the pasta a bit before serving.

I fix the toilet when it makes that whistling sound.  Will fixes the squeaky hinge on the art supply cupboard.  Jen fixes a meal of flowers and herbs for her imaginary pony.

Fixing is what we do.  Fixing is in our blood. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 18 Comments
6
Mar 12

Listening To My Body*

I walked out of the doctor’s office and ran across the street to the drug store where everyone knew me by name.  I was out of Pepcid.  I had a box in the bathroom, two in the kitchen cupboard, one in the office desk, and one under the car seat, but the box in my purse was empty.

I had made an appointment hoping to discover a name for this thing that caused me to go through antacids the way a nervous first-year college student goes through cigarettes.

The doctor ruled out pregnancy, gall bladder, and Crohn’s.

Last month, I’d asked my OB-Gyn if it was typical to require a prescription in order to stay married.  She said, “Jesse, I think you know the answer.”

Today, in the doctor’s sterile office with the posters advertising the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, I asked, “What now?  Do I live on Pepcid for the rest of my life? Is this normal?” Continue reading →

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