Random Observations


17
Mar 14

Walking on Eggshells

walking on eggshellsShe’d walked on eggshells in hiking boots.  She’d walked across eggshells in heels.  She’d even walked on eggshells in bare feet.  It didn’t matter how delicately she stepped.  She’d tried to step around them.  She knew the eggshells would cut the soles of her feet.  And still – every day – she walked on eggshells.

She could tell you how long she’d been at it – since before she’d married him.

 

Every morning, she’d walk into the kitchen and there they were – the shells scattered across the hardwoods.  She would step around them and grab for the broom.  She’d sweep up the pile as he was leaving for work.  All day long, she’d walk through the kitchen and notice that the shells were gone, but the minute she heard his car in the drive, the shells would reappear.

She’d find herself stepping over eggshells for the rest of the evening.  She’d serve his dinner while crunching over shells.  She’d clean up the kitchen while stepping on still more shells.  Most nights, there was nothing she could do or say that would make them go away.  But once in a great while, she’d do something right – she couldn’t even tell you what it was, but she’d look over her shoulder and the shells would be gone. Continue reading →


11
Mar 14

Conversations with Kids in Cars

“Even if it was legal, even if they had the money to do it, kids could never run a business because adults just don’t respect them.  Kinda like boys don’t respect girls.  Same thing.”

I reach over to turn down the radio.  “Jen, why do you say that?”  I look at Will, “You gotta slow down a bit, it’s 25 in this neighborhood.”

“Well, I guess grownups don’t respect kids cuz they think kids can’t handle responsibilities.  They say stuff like, ‘You can’t do that, you’re still a kid.'”

“How is that like boys not respecting girls?”  I turn back to watch the traffic, “Nice job on that lane-change there, Will.  Good job remembering to signal.”

“Like if some boys are playing a hunting game on TV and a girl walks up and says, ‘Can I play?’ and the boys say, ‘No, it’s for boys.’  It’s the same thing.”

We are waiting for the light to change and Will chimes in, “Maybe adults think kids can’t handle responsibilities because they are really worried that they aren’t handling responsibilities well.  Maybe the boys worry that the girls’ll be better at the hunting game?”

 

How do you two come up with this stuff?

Jen looked out the window and laughed, “It’s all pretty obvious, mom.”


3
Mar 14

Signs of Cabin Fever

athena's owlCabin fever makes me cut my hair, even though the results from the last seven home haircuts were arguable. The money I save from not getting a professional cut is diverted to gas for trips to the ski hill where I wear a hat and no one would see my fabulous haircut anyway.

Cabin fever explains irrational justifications.

Cabin fever makes me reach for the fettuccine as I re-cap the last seven dinners and realize I’ve been serving variations of pasta or tortillas since September.

 

Cabin fever makes Will beg me to take him for a Blizzard at Dairy Queen when the thermometer reads -12. Continue reading →


24
Feb 14

The Legacy

“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work
and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for –
in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car,
and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.”
– Ellen Goodman
 

Forty years later, we’ll step off that hamster wheel and wonder if it’s worth it.  We’ll turn to our kids and start to say, “Hey, I dunno if this is such a good idea.”

They won’t hear us over the din of their own spinning wheels.


28
Jan 14

In Your Next Life, I Hope You Pick A Good Dad

snowy branchThe sun warmed our shoulders as the chairlift brought us to the top.  I put my arm around Jen and snuggled her closer.  “In your next life, I hope you pick a good dad.”

Jen laughed and said, “Oh!  I will.”

“Tell me about him.  What’ll he be like?”

Swinging her skis she said, “Well, he’ll listen to me.  And he’ll be interested in me.”

“Oh, that’s good.  That would be nice.  What else?”

“He’d read a lot, but also be interested in working on projects with me.  And he’d be funny, but not embarrassing funny.  He’d put up with a mess and not yell.”

 

Our skis were swinging together as we continued to climb.

“So mom, tell me who you’d pick to be your dad next time.”

“Oh, like you, I guess.  He’d listen and be interested in me.  He’d read and be funny.  I’d like him to be kind and compassionate.  He’d appreciate craft projects and art and still hunt and fish.  He’d be nice to kids and old people and animals.”

Jenny looked at me and said, “Oh yeah!  He’d have to be nice to animals.  What else?”

“Well, he’d understand that family is more important than work and that relationships come first.”

 

I looked at Jen, “Would you care what your dad looked like?”

“Nah, I don’t think it matters, do you?”

“No, it doesn’t, but I don’t want him to be too clean.  Know what I mean?”

Jen flinched, “Oh ick.  I know what you mean.  Yeah, not too clean.”

 

As we approached the top of the lift, we scooted forward to the edge of the chair to get ready to ski off.  I laughed, feeling a bit embarrassed.  “Wait.  I’m not sure if I’m describing a dad or a partner.”

We skied down the off-ramp and Jen yelled, “They are a lot the same!”


14
Jan 14

“Mom, What is Normal?”

snow on pot hook“Mom, what is normal, anyway?”

“How do you mean?”

“Is it normal to wear mismatched socks?”

“Well, it’s normal for you.”

“Is it normal to like crafts more than TV?” Continue reading →


24
Dec 13

A Gift

a giftThe gift – a small, tightly wrapped package – arrived on her doorstep.  She looked up the street to see who might have left her this surprise.  She saw no sign of the giver.

She slowly untied the bow, all the while wondering what could be inside, and who could have left her this gift.  She tore at the wrapping and opened the box to find layers of white tissue paper.  She parted the sheets of tissue to find a smooth stone.  The stone was flat and round and coolly fit in the palm of her hand.

She discovered letters carved on one side of the stone.  The message read, “That is about you.”

“That is about you.”

She said it over and over again in her mind. Continue reading →


6
Dec 13

On Disconnecting from Thoughts and Other Radical Attempts at Self-Care

winter basketThe package arrived around Thanksgiving.  Had I been looking out the window at the time of delivery, I’d have seen the mailman straining under the weight of the over-sized box.  He’d have had my permission to drop it on the front porch as there was nothing fragile inside.  I’d have liked to have heard its loud thump when it hit the wooden planks.

I avoided opening the box for several days.  For the first full day, I left the box on the porch – out in the cold.

I knew what was inside from the return address – my own.

 

On the third day of avoidance, I noticed that someone or something had slit along the packing tape.  The contents were leaking out.  At first, they leaked with a slow trickle.  By day five, I was paddling upstream in a flood. Continue reading →


2
Dec 13

The Care and Feeding of Your INFJ During the Holidays

Your INFJ at the HolidaysAren’t you lucky?  You have an INFJ in your life.  That means that while you’ll never completely understand what makes her tick, you’ll never be bored, and you’ll always know that she highly values the relationship she has with you.

Let’s try to make the holidays easier for you and for her.

 

Parties

This one is easy – invite her to parties.  Your invitation might sound like this, “Hey, I’ve got this party thing and I’d love for you to go, but I know you’d rather die, so I’m inviting you with the understanding that you like the invite, but you have no intention of going, and I’m cool with that.” Continue reading →


18
Nov 13

What Happened to Christmas?

december snow“What happened to Christmas?”

“Don’t you mean, ‘What happened to Thanksgiving?’  Didn’t there used to be a holiday somewhere in there between Jack O’ Lanterns and Christmas trees?  You remember, don’t you?  That holiday that brought everyone together for turkey and pie.”  Basil pours a cup of coffee and hands it to Gladys.

Margaret slides the pie server under another piece, “Oh, I always did love Thanksgiving.  I think that holiday was my favorite.”

Jon rolls to a stop on his skateboard, “My fav was Christmas.  Yeah….  for a kid of divorced parents, Christmas rules.  All their guilt turns into way too many Christmas presents for me.  Gotta love that.”

“Jon, dear, you know that isn’t what Christmas is about, don’t you?”  Margaret hands Jon a sliver of pie. Continue reading →


8
Nov 13

Easy, Jesse

easy, jesseEasy, Jesse.  What’s your hurry?  You’ll get it all done, and if you don’t, there’s an awfully good chance that it doesn’t need to be done.

There are no commendations for being the fastest laundry folder or having the cleanest kitchen floor.

You’ll get the emails sent, the books formatted and the bills paid in due time.

 

Make eye contact with them when they ask, “What’s for lunch?”  If they want you to jump off the shed roof into the leaf pile, do it.  Show her how to read a pattern and then turn her loose.  So what if he wants to learn every detail about waxing skis.  It doesn’t hurt you to pretend to care.

 

Have tea with your aunt.

Go to lunch with a girlfriend.

Stay up too late watching a movie.

Eat buttery noodles in a snowdrift of Parmesan and forget about protein for a change.

 

Don’t worry about keeping up with everything.  Not everything needs to be kept up with.

 

There is grace in taking it slower.

 

Easy, Jesse.

 

 

This morning I received these words from the Universe
in the form of a frazzled voice that sounded a lot like my own.


16
Oct 13

Do-Overs

 

orange and blue and do-oversHer head hit the pillow and all she could think was, “Can I get a Do-Over?”

 

At 2:30 that afternoon, she’d considered the possibility that it might be best to go to bed and put an end to this day.  She could pretend she had flu symptoms, make a cup of tea, put on her pajamas and bring this crappy day to a close.

But, of course, she didn’t.  She proceeded to touch more things that turned to shit.  She made bigger messes while trying to mop up other messes.

While running errands, she’d noticed the gorgeous fall leaves reflecting in the still blue river.  Blue and orange were complementary colors for a reason.  At least she couldn’t ruin that. Continue reading →


7
Oct 13

The List of Lessons

list of lessonsShe drew a thick black line down the center of a sheet of unlined paper.  On the left she wrote the names of people she’s known.  Some no longer played an active role in her life, and some impact her life on a daily basis.  Some stand in the periphery.  Others are knocking at her front door, and some sleep in the rooms at the back of her house.

They all carry clipboards full of notes.

A lot of the names appear on her Christmas card list.  It might be the woman she’d had coffee with on a daily basis in college, but now she was hard-pressed to remember the woman’s adult children’s names.  It might be the guy she’d lived with in college who made it hard for her to look her grandfather in the eye because of the whole “living in sin” thing.

 

The left column listed names of individuals – all of whom left a print on her life. Continue reading →


2
Oct 13

Autumn Harvest

Autumn HarvestApple crisp with more crunchy topping than apples?

How about an apple pie with vanilla ice cream?

Maybe a pot of boiled, spiced apples – a chunky apple sauce – to serve with pork loin?

Or diced apples and cinnamon in oatmeal on a rainy fall morning?

I know!  What about an apple cobbler drowned in heavy cream?

Or I could leave the apples in the bowl for a homeschool drawing/painting class.

 

Will came home with a grocery bag full of apples from the neighbor’s tree – an autumn harvest as partial payment for his weekly lawn care job.

Now we have to (get to) decide what to do with them.

Maybe we’ll eat them, one-by-one, just as they are.

 

If only all of life’s issues were this difficult.

 

 


30
Sep 13

Goodbye Summer

That went fast.

Remember when grownups would always say that time goes faster as you get older?  Another summer has come and gone and I find myself wanting to acknowledge all the sweetness of summer before settling down to fall.

There were so many good parts:

flip-flop tans

iced-coffees on the back patio (Will learned to make ’em better than me) Continue reading →