Jenny: Tina has a quote on her bathroom mirror. It says…
Life isn’t about waiting for the rain to stop. Life is about learning to dance in the rain.
Will: I guess ski days with dad are like dancing in the rain.
Tools
24
Jan 11
The Jury’s Still Out
“Mom, how come Uncle John drinks so many beers? How come Grandma G doesn’t get down on the floor and play with us? How come dad gets mad at me for getting rocks in the grass? Why do we have to put all our toys away before dad gets home?”
Some of those questions are easier to answer than others. I could have glossed over some of the answers, or completely ignored some of the more difficult questions.
When my kids were little people learning to talk, figuring out that a lot of life was spent relating to other folks and not just their mom and dad, I made an instinctive decision to answer each and every one of their questions.
I made the choice to use other people’s actions and attitudes as learning opportunities.
My instincts also told me to use a respectful, adult voice when relating to my kids. Sure, there were times when we’d be snuggling or they’d be sitting on my lap, and I’d coo to them the way I sometimes feel that I’m biologically programmed to do. And, when they were sick, I’d use a sweeter, more tender voice. But for day-to-day interactions – discussing how to tie shoes, why you shouldn’t kick your sister in the butt with the pointy part of your cowboy boot, and why you may want to wait until you’re a 13 year old girl to roll your eyes – I’d use an adult voice. Continue reading →
20
Jan 11
A Twist on a Classic
God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.
Author Unknown
19
Jan 11
The Proof is in the Fritos
Late Monday afternoon I had the opportunity to enjoy a guilty pleasure. My kids were gone. I got a break from being a role model. I sat at the table in front of my laptop reading blog posts, while dipping Fritos in chili.
It was a little slice of heaven.
Yes, that is a big deal for me.
__________
I can’t eat when I’m nervous. Continue reading →
12
Jan 11
On Writing, the Universe, and Whiplash
One night, almost a year ago, I came bounding out of bed in the middle of the night with an idea for a post. I’d swear something had yanked me by the collar of my pjs.
I fixed a cup of tea and started writing. It was as if this post had built up in my mind while I was sleeping. It couldn’t wait until morning to be spilled out on the keyboard.
That post got me in some hot water. When I completed it – in about twenty minutes – I didn’t step back and anticipate that I might be getting myself in trouble for posting it. There was no question about hitting the ‘publish’ button.
To this day, I don’t know where that post came from.
This post arrived the same way. Continue reading →
10
Jan 11
There Are No Shortcuts
*A lesson that bears repeating.*
I’m doing it again. I’m stuffing big logs and wads of paper into the wood stove hoping to keep it burning, even though I know the fire burns better with smaller, split wood. I’ll walk by in another couple minutes, angrily point a finger at the stove, and tell it, “Keep burning, dammit.”
Then I’ll run out of paper, and have to scrounge around the house looking for scratch paper, junk mail, and anything else remotely combustible.
Invariably, I’ll stand in front of the wood stove with my hands on my hips, ask the cat why she isn’t doing her part to keep the fire fed, and frustratedly open the door to the stove and poke at the smoldering logs.
All of this is because I’m lazy.
I’m too lazy to chop the firewood into smaller pieces that burn better. Truth be told, Will does all the chopping, and I don’t want to worry or hover or stand out there keeping an eye on him with my finger on speed dial, ready to call 911. I don’t want to make a bunch of trips hauling arm loads of smaller chunks of firewood. Continue reading →
3
Jan 11
homekeeping 6
It has been a while since I’ve written a homekeeping post. I miss the format – loose, random thoughts on where we are and where we are headed.
I just reread homekeeping 5 this morning. Wow. What a difference six months can make. Blood, sweat, tears and a lot of cussing later, and we seem to be in a good place.
Knock on wood.
It has been almost three months since Mark and I had the marathon chat session about the kids and his relationship with them. I did not perform miracles that day. It would be nice to say that I was able to reach him.
Honestly, I think Mark hasn’t changed one iota. Continue reading →
31
Dec 10
A Fond Farewell to 2010
You might be thinking that I’m counting down the minutes until 2010 comes to a close. You might be thinking that I am running in the direction of 2011.
I could let the screen door hit 2010 in the butt, on its way out.
I could give it a swift kick for good measure.
This last year was full of tears, and 2 x 4s to the head, and dashed hopes as well as triumphs and lessons learned. We experienced real, tangible, sustainable growth.
We worked hard. Continue reading →
9
Dec 10
Some Days Are Like That
I make a damn good cup of coffee. I make oatmeal with the perfect ratio of oats – walnuts – cinnamon – nutmeg. Nobody cleans a cat box like I do. You’d be amazed at how quickly I can fold a laundry basket full of clean clothes. I even find all the socks, almost every time.
And some days, that’s the best I can come up with when trying to cheer myself up and get out of the funk.
When staring at the too-bright laptop screen at 5:15 a.m., my eyes are blurry – not from being tired, but from fussing over the pages of the book I’m trying to finish.
I bounce over to Twitter to get some inspiration and find a few laughs or a couple good posts to read. The distraction takes my mind off the fact that I doubt myself.
I doubt my abilities as a mom. Continue reading →
4
Dec 10
Thoughts On Love, Sacrifice and Cat Hair on the Keyboard
It’s still dark. I can barely make out the fog hanging over the park. Kids are still snuggled in cozy beds. After making my first cup of coffee, I light the fire and sit to cruise web sites and formulate a blog post.
Suddenly our cat jumps up on my lap.
She kneads for a bit, changes position, snags my robe with her claws, looks me in the face and sniffs my coffee.
I could put her down, but I don’t.
She wants to soak up some of my body heat. It’s really cold this morning. I love this patient cat. She’s inconveniencing me like crazy, but she’s a sweetheart and I can’t put her down. Continue reading →
25
Nov 10
Thanks
Thank you.
Altah Amy Andrea Angel Annie BB Bruce Catherine Caitlin Chris Craig Debbie Dee Di Diane Donna Doreen E.R.M. Firing On All Syllables Flora Heather Holly Janet Jessica Jo Josh Judy Kate Kath Katherine Lavica
LaVonne Leah Linda Lisa Lucy Mia Mike M. J. Mojo Girl Mom Pat Peg Pete Phyllis Ralph Rebecca Reese Sandra Sandy Sarah Siddhartha Sue Susan B. Susan Q. T. Tina
This is the list of the folks who left comments on Surviving Narcissism. These comments helped the three of us get to where we are today.
Thank you.
If your name isn’t on this list and you read this blog, thank you, too.
Love,
Jesse
16
Nov 10
A Day Off
I’m contemplating treating myself to a day at the spa.
Not really.
But seriously… can it be that a celebration is in order?
Nah… I never feel right spoiling myself.
I’m always doing the pampering, not receiving the pampering.
Maybe that ought to change, too.
30
Oct 10
I Am A Minimalist Parent
At this moment, Jenny is entranced by the Tim Burton version of Alice In Wonderland. Will finished making a batch of pancakes and is downloading skateboarding videos. Later, they’ll make a birthday card for their cousin, ride their bikes on this glorious Fall day, and go to a bowling birthday party.
I’m not rushing around taking them to soccer practice, a Boy Scout meeting, a dance recital or karate lessons.
I take a minimalist’s approach to parenting by not jamming their schedules with lessons and practices.
I take issue with kids having schedules.
I could over-schedule them and decide what they should pursue to try to pave the way for an enriched future full of interests. Continue reading →
17
Oct 10
It’s All Perception
“Clean up this mess! How can we expect to have people over if this is what this place looks like? Are we Pigs, here? Can’t we put some order to this place?”
That is not what I said. It is what I have thought. I’m careful to not call it a ‘mess’, or ‘junk’. I know she loves all her stuff.
Yes, it makes me crazy.
I can be heard saying, “Okay, I’ve had enough. We need to find where this stuff lives. It’s my house, too. I love that you feel comfortable enough to explore, create, play and be, but at some point, I want to walk through the living room.”
I am done making excuses to friends. Continue reading →
