Control / My Minimalism / Parenting / Random Observations — 7 comments
23
Apr 12

So You Say…

So you say… that you wish you could find extra hours in the day to maybe carve out a compost pile in the backyard, learn to play the fiddle or compile all those photos into scrapbooks; yet you never miss an episode of your favorite TV show.

So you say… you’d like to do a better job of keeping in touch with friends, but there’s never enough time after work, homework, laundry and dinner, especially with the time you spend on Facebook every night.

So you say… you could cut back on hours at work, if only you could get your budget under control, while spending every Saturday at the mall looking for something to fill the void.

So you say… you’ll be able to slow the family pace a bit, right after the next session of swim lessons.  Oh, but there’s another season of soccer coming up and junior has to take soccer with all his buddies.

So you say… you’re going to take this minimalist lifestyle thing seriously, once you buy the shelving to organize all the stuff in storage. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Homeschool / My Minimalism / Parenting / Quotes / Random Observations — 13 comments
18
Apr 12

It Isn’t Fair But It Is Good


We’d gone in search of lavender fleece.  We came home with jewelry making supplies, three unpainted birdhouses in need of jazz, and half a yard of turquoise fleece for, “You know, mom….  more projects.”

The idea was that each of us would paint a birdhouse.

Will and Jen are coming out of that blissful phase of thinking everything they do is fantastic.  They are starting to compare their creations to others.  But for right now they still relish the act of creating.  That means they get out the paints, sit down on the floor and go to it.

Without a plan.

Without first sketching, erasing, sketching again or starting over. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Narcissist Quotes / Parenting / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 19 comments
15
Apr 12

Narcissism – The Crux of the Matter

Me:  “He’s demonstrated that he is more than willing to put in the time.  When other kids his age beg to play Xbox, he searches the internet for tips on golf swings.  Clearly, this is one of his top three passions – it may be the thing he is most passionate about.  We’ve been told by a couple instructors that he is blessed with some natural talent.  We don’t spend money on soccer or baseball or football or guitar or karate.  I really think it’s time we get him some lessons and support him in this thing he loves.”

Him:  “My parents never did that for me.”

Moving On / My Minimalism / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 11 comments
13
Apr 12

Time Out

self-care at its finestThe rainy grey skies gave her permission to sink into the couch.

Leaks were collecting in metal bowls that ran the length of the soggy carpet.  She had lined the bowls with paper towels to mute the ping ping as the drips accelerated.

The ping pings soon turned to sploosh splooshes.

The kids would be gone for four hours.

The basket next to the fire was stocked with wood. The fire peaked at her through the glass, giving her its permission. Continue reading →

Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 16 comments
10
Apr 12

When Enough Is Enough

She could remember when seeing his name in her Inbox made her heart race with excitement.  Now seeing his name in her Inbox made her palms sweat.  She let the cursor hover over his name.  She didn’t want to click to open his email.

She’d have to decide what to write back.

Did she even want to write back?

Being nice was her thing.  She’d been supportive.  She’d been there.  She’d listened and responded.

Was there anything positive coming out of this relationship?  If this was positive, why did it feel bad?

Were there healthier places to invest this energy?

Was she opening and answering emails because she was afraid there wouldn’t be another to come along.

She closed her laptop and stared out the window at the park.

__________

Her daughter came up and said, “Mom…  are you interruptible?  Can I ask you something?”

She looked into her daughter’s blue eyes and found the answer she’d been looking for:

Would she – one day – want her kids to
pin their hopes on this kind of relationship?

 

She opened her laptop and deleted his email before opening it.

Moving On / Quotes / Random Observations / Tools — 16 comments
05
Apr 12

Perspective

Cabernet and Cheaters are my middle age toolsMy breathing is loud.  I can hear my heart pounding in my ears.  I can’t remember if this is the sixth or seventh lap.

Does it even matter how many times I climb this hill, just as long as I get out here and move?

I get to the top and survey the river.  Through the pounding I hear my thoughts:

  • You are reaching for the cheaters more than you used to.
  • Maybe it’s age that keeps you from remembering how many times you’ve walked up the hill.
  • Remember when your ass was below your waist and not behind your knees?
  • You ought to have given more thought to what it would be like to physically keep up with two young kids at the age of 50.
  • When did you get to the age where  Mom Jeans are comfortable?
  • Isn’t it time to  consider coloring your hair?

I head down the hill and wonder if this upcoming birthday could quietly sneak away in the night without anyone in my family doing anything about it.  Through huffs and puffs, I laugh at myself because I know it’s not so much about the day, as it is about my perceptions of what it’s like to be turning 50. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 6 comments
02
Apr 12

He Might Be A Narcissist If …

… before you were married, he said flattering things about the way you dressed and the clever way you put yourself together.  After marriage, he tells you how he never liked boots with skirts, and that you shouldn’t wear your hair short because it makes your face look full.

… he refuses to suggest that you spend a day doing something you’ve been talking about – something he knows you’ve been dying to do – until you beg him to go with you.

… he spends more time getting ready in the morning than you.  His lotions and potions take up more space in the bathroom than your creams, and he often smells more fragrant than you.

… before marriage he was convinced you did everything perfectly.   Now that you’ve been married for eight months you’ve mysteriously forgotten how to cook an egg, sweep a floor, make a proper bed or keep the car tidy.

… he says you spend too much time reading and not enough time watching the stuff he likes on T.V. Continue reading →

Opportunistic / Random Observations / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 42 comments
29
Mar 12

Narcissists in the Desert

We’re home.

The vacation zen is making it hard to focus.

I’m short on words but long on photos.

Looking through the 300-plus photos, I started laughing at how much cactus is like a narcissist. Continue reading →

Homekeeping / Parenting — 7 comments
19
Mar 12

homekeeping 8

Three bags, nine days, and no laptop.

We’re headed off for another adventure.

Jenny has packed her favorite Barbie, a new floppy sun hat, a swim suit and sundresses.

Will is taking his skateboard.  I’m concerned he might try to sneak Nina in at the last minute.

I’m packing Sophie’s World by Jostein Gaarder.  I’ve had it for a long while.  Something tells me it’s time to read it.

The kids plan to go horseback riding, golfing, swimming, hiking and skating.  They hope to hang with a mom who doesn’t have her nose in a laptop.  I’m going to make sure that happens.

I also plan to walk, read, swim, write in a spiral notebook, and pretend to hit a little white ball with a metal stick and try to avoid saying bad words while doing so.

As I write this post, it is snowing, and that means our timing couldn’t be more perfect.  I got to shovel walks this morning, and soon we’ll be boarding a plane to head south – another example of the good being better because of the bad. ;)

If you leave a comment on the blog while I’m away, please know that I’ll reply when I return.

I’ll miss you all.

Happy Spring.

;)

Moving On / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 6 comments
16
Mar 12

That’s Not My Journey

We may walk hand in hand for a time, or we may know each other only briefly.

We’ll share many of the same turns and detours.

We’ll marvel at the beauty found in the connection we share.

I may pull your rolling red Samsonite for a stretch, and you might offer to carry my fraying black backpack.

I will empathize and address your concerns with compassion.  I will hand you tissues when you cry and pour the wine while you laugh so hard you can’t hold your glass.

I will listen while you detail the reasons for your choices.  We’ll both smile and nod when we realize we’ve made similar mistakes.

We’ll learn lessons from each other that we wouldn’t be able to learn from another.

I’ll be the first to pat you on the back.  Though I instinctively brush off your kind words, I’ll try to remember to be gracious.

Neither of us may know where we are going, but I will not follow you.

That’s not my journey.

Parenting / Random Observations — 12 comments
13
Mar 12

Riding With Tigger and Marcel

She’ll pick up her school papers and take herself off to her room to work.  He has never willingly gone to his room.  In fact, when she goes to her room, he follows her and only stops when his nose comes within inches of her closed door.

He walks around the house while brushing his teeth.  When he’s in the bathroom, he’s singing.  It doesn’t occur to her to sing in the bathroom.

He likes to know what the plan is, what we are going to have for lunch and dinner, and whether we will be having company.  She wants to be left to wing-it, she has to be reminded to eat, and she’s cool with not having anyone over for days at a time.

When he’s working on a project, he’ll stop in the middle to brainstorm a new project.  She doesn’t think about what’s next, because she’s so deeply immersed in what she’s doing now.

He’s the first to make us laugh with a joke or a funny voice.  She’s the first to come up with a new painting technique. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Lack of Empathy / Moving On / Parenting / Seeing My Path / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 34 comments
09
Mar 12

Things That Can Be Fixed

Jenny fixes a too gaudy Barbie dress by altering it.  She cuts off the flouncy sleeves and shortens the train.  She might use tape or thread or buttons, but she knows she can fix it.  She’ll even fix Barbie’s hair with snips here and there.

When the wheels don’t spin fast enough on his skateboard, Will can fix that problem by cleaning the bearings.

I can fix a too-thin sauce in a batch of  Chicken and Broccoli Fettuccine by letting the sauce soak into the pasta a bit before serving.

I fix the toilet when it makes that whistling sound.  Will fixes the squeaky hinge on the art supply cupboard.  Jen fixes a meal of flowers and herbs for her imaginary pony.

Fixing is what we do.  Fixing is in our blood. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Control / Moving On / Seeing My Path — 18 comments
06
Mar 12

Listening To My Body*

I walked out of the doctor’s office and ran across the street to the drug store where everyone knew me by name.  I was out of Pepcid.  I had a box in the bathroom, two in the kitchen cupboard, one in the office desk, and one under the car seat, but the box in my purse was empty.

I had made an appointment hoping to discover a name for this thing that caused me to go through antacids the way a nervous first-year college student goes through cigarettes.

The doctor ruled out pregnancy, gall bladder, and Crohn’s.

Last month, I’d asked my OB-Gyn if it was typical to require a prescription in order to stay married.  She said, “Jesse, I think you know the answer.”

Today, in the doctor’s sterile office with the posters advertising the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, I asked, “What now?  Do I live on Pepcid for the rest of my life? Is this normal?” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / My Minimalism / Parenting — 17 comments
02
Mar 12

The Good is Good Because of the Bad

Through tears he said, “I don’t wanna go. I’m tired.  Do we have to?  Do we have to do a dad visit?”

I said, “I’m sorry, Honey.  I know.  You are tired, but that’s not a good enough excuse to skip out on a visit.  You can be tired at dad’s house, too.”

He said, “I know that, but it’s not the same.  It’s not comfortable there.”

__________

Later, when sorting through Tech Decks and old Golf Magazines, picking up air soft ammo and discussing the logic behind owning seven backpacks, we found the wallet he lost last Thanksgiving.

“Mom!  Can you believe it?  There are gift cards in there, too.  I thought I’d never see that wallet again!”

I said, “You lead a charmed life, Cowboy.  Do you see that?”

He said, “I know, mom.  I do lead a charmed life.  Even if I have to go to dad’s today, I still have it pretty good.”

He walked out of the room to show Jen the found wallet.

A bit later he came back in and said, “I get it, mom.  The good is that much better because of the bad.”

Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 17 comments
29
Feb 12

Asking vs. Imposing

I could have backpacked in Europe for three weeks after I graduated from college.

I didn’t.

My brother did.

My brother backpacked and made memories.  He ended one phase of his life with a grand adventure.

He asked mom if he could borrow the money to make the trip.   She said, “Of course you can!”

I didn’t.

Oh, I could have… but I thought asking would be an imposition.

Now I know that asking isn’t an imposition when you ask those who care about you.

__________

 

I wrote a post for the Stratejoy Essay Contest.

I’m asking for your vote.

If you have the time and the inclination, Jen, Will and I would greatly appreciate your vote.

Love,

Jesse

 

 Click here to place your vote.

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