Posts Tagged: a girl can dream

Random Observations / Spirit Guides — 6 Comments
7
Jan 15

On Looking Back

antique espressoThe pie server made a scraping sound in the hard-packed dirt as she finished carving the words – Stop Looking Back!

“Margaret!  What on earth are you doing?  You’ll ruin your pie server.”  Gladys stood with her hands on her hips as she read the words.  “Stop looking back?  What’s that about?”

“Don’t interrupt me, dear.  I’ve got work to do.”

“But you’ll scare the bejeesus out of them.  What will they think when they see these cryptic words next to tombstones?”

“Well, they ought to have the bejeesus scared out of them.  They’re all wasting too much time looking back.”  Margaret stood up from a crouch and walked a ways to a new spot.  She bent to scrape again.  “See that one over there?”  She pointed to a woman in a business suit.  “She’s looking back over her career and wondering where she should have taken a different turn.”  Margaret nods her head in a different direction, “That man is looking back at how he lost his family because of his focus on his business.  And the gal in the dark glasses keeps looking back at what she used to look like, making comparisons to her current self.  What a waste of time!” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Kids are People — Comments Off on When the Apple Falls Far From the Tree
23
Dec 14

When the Apple Falls Far From the Tree

When the apple falls far from the tree“So mom…  you know that movie we watched the other night – the one where the gal worked for that mean lady, and she was miserable, but she stayed working for her for three years?”

“I know which movie you mean.”

She mopped the last bite of pancake through the maple syrup.  “Well, you can’t really complain if you’ve only invested a year.  And if you’ve toughed it out for like three years, that seems the time to make a choice.”

“Yeah?  Not sure where you’re going with this, but I’m listening.”

“But if you stick it out for 16 years, complaining all the way and continuing to be miserable, isn’t it your own fault for staying.  At that point, do you have any right to complain about that jerky woman you’re working for?”

“I see what you mean.  And as long as you remember that that also applies to relationships, you’ll have it all figured out.”  I laughed, “It sounds like my work is done here.”

“I knew you were gonna say that!”

 

Thank you for reading here.  I wish you quiet sparkles, warm hugs from those you love the most, peace by a fire with a good book in your lap, and an optimistic feeling about the new year. 

Be well, friends, and Merry Christmas!

My Minimalism / Postcards From a Thriver — 4 Comments
20
Nov 14

They Aren’t Me

The Game of LifeThey can say what they want, but they aren’t me.

They can say, “Maybe you spend too much time with your kids.”  They might say, “Maybe you need breaks from being a mom.”  They have said, “You need to get out more.”

I smile and say, “Maybe.”  I laugh and say, “Probably.”  And what I’m thinking is, “It’s not my kids I need breaks from.  I don’t need a break from being their mom, I need a break from being what others expect.”  What I want to say is, “No!  I need to stay in more!”

I smile, because I know where our center is.  I know where the calm is.  I know how to get the harmony back.

  Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Guest Posts / Quotes / Stories / Survivor Support — 6 Comments
14
Oct 14

The Difference Between Can’t and Won’t

all that ocean and not a narcissist in sightGuest Post by Jenn

Way back in May of this year I was dealing with issues stemming from the sideline Narcissist in my life.  I call her a sideline Narcissist because she doesn’t live in my home, or in my town, but she very much influences my life because she raised my husband.  Thank the Gods he managed to survive his childhood and now we have our own little darlings, who are also influenced by the sideline Narcissist.  But I digress.

Back to the issue the sideline Narcissist was inconveniently causing back in May.  After I had sent out an email to extended family members letting them know that we wouldn’t be traveling to Kentucky as we normally do, the husband received an email from his mother.  She stated she would like the kids for two weeks in July and then again for another two weeks in August – at her house, which is ten hours away from where we live.  The big problem here is that my MIL cannot physically handle the rigors of caring for two very active young boys plus their sister for more than a few days.  She wanted them for two weeks at a time.  Cue the drama where the sideline Narcissist does a happy dance.

So the husband and I actually agree that his mother cannot have the kids for two weeks.  Then we even go so far as to agree that he should go with the kids for their one-week visit.  We then agreed that he would talk to his mother about why she couldn’t have the kids by herself.  And that’s where all the happy dancing on my end stopped because although the husband said he would talk to her, in reality it wasn’t happening.  I even gave him a date to have it done by, since he’s horrible at procrastinating.  That date came and he hadn’t had the TALK.

We were in July now, and I was angry – grinding my teeth and harrowing-in-my-gut angry – when I saw him.  Because what I saw was that he wouldn’t talk to his mother even though it was in his kids’ best interests. He didn’t want me talking to the sideline Narcissist about this problem because I was “too aggressive” –  in his words.  Whereas what I saw was that he was entirely too passive.  So I sat in my anger and I felt my body drawing in around me, and at some point I got tired of the anger.  It takes a lot of energy to maintain that kind of anger and I didn’t want to do it anymore.  So I pulled myself aside and had a chat.  The fancy schmancy counseling degree I have teaches you certain skills.  So I asked myself what I would do with some random dude off the street who walked in and had an angry wife and a mother he couldn’t talk to.  And that’s when it hit me. Continue reading →

Parenting / Random Observations — 6 Comments
7
Oct 14

Do As I Say

a cat and a blanketDo as I say, not as I do.

 

I tell them to examine how they feel when they are with someone.  If the energy feels good, pursue that relationship.  If you feel icky or drained, re-think whether you want to spend time with that person.

They see me foster relationships that leave me depleted.

  Continue reading →

Random Observations / The Bartender / Tools — 4 Comments
25
Sep 14

Self-Awareness Isn’t About You

jelly something-er-other“Hey, what are you doing on this side of the bar?”

“I just finished my shift.”  The bartender closed his composition notebook and reached for his glass.  “How are you?”

She sits on the next stool, “I’m well.  I’ve got about an hour before picking up the kids.”  She smiled across the bar to the next shift’s bartender, “I’ll have a coke, please.”  After finding her wallet she said, “So, Hank, what are you writing?”

Hank hesitated, “I’m working on a paper about self-awareness.” He slid the notebook to the side.  “There’s a fine line between self-awareness and self-absorption.  I want to illustrate that self-awareness – contrary to what most folks think – isn’t really about you.  Maybe I should say that it shouldn’t be about you.”

“I’m not sure I get where you’re going.” Continue reading →

Parenting / Random Observations — 12 Comments
17
Sep 14

Pretending I’m Not an INFJ

sun setting on the PacificI didn’t intentionally try to be someone else.

My heart was in the right place.

Really.

But it appears that I’ve been pretending that I’m not an INFJ.  And because I’m pretending to be other than I am, I find myself barking at my kids, nursing a messed up stomach, dropping the ball on this blog, and burying myself in scrubbing floors and cleaning cupboards in an attempt to get back to where I was.

Only I’m not sure how to get back there. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Parenting — 12 Comments
17
Aug 14

On Soft Landings and a Rare Night Out

a rare night out“So what if I kept the conversation going on your projects? I’ll ask the questions and then maybe dad will join in. What do you think?”

We were taking a long walk through the neighborhood, trying to come up with a plan to suit both kids for the next day’s dad visit.  As we walked, we watched charcoal storm clouds build south of town.

That should have been my first clue.

Jen said, “I know how that will go.  I’ll answer you and start talking about a project, and he’ll quit listening, like he always does.”

Jen walked to the edge of the street when she saw a car coming.  Will had to be made aware of the car.  (That pretty much sums up my experiences parenting a boy and a girl.) Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver — 9 Comments
12
Aug 14

Take a Left at the Coke Can

Take a Left at the Coke CanI’m in need of a bright spot.   I’m struggling with getting back in the groove after spending a couple relaxing days in the woods.

The forwarded email about what animals look like when they see you naked had the three of us giggling.  The dish of strawberries and whipped cream perked up Will.  Jenny’s busy making a Sherlock Holmes doll, so she’s in a craft-induced focus.

The forecasted 98 degree temps are wilting the energy.

I could surf and find bright spots or I could create my own.

  Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Survivor Support — 18 Comments
8
Aug 14

Random Thoughts at the Five Year Mark

starting overwow.

This blog is five years old.

wow.

 

Things have changed a lot in five years.  We not only survive, but we thrive on a mostly daily basis.  The health of my kids (and myself!) is testament to the power of connection, the awesomeness of being heard, the cathartic healing found in knowledge and the magic of friendship. Continue reading →

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 4 Comments
25
Jul 14

Make a New Bed

make a new bedIf you’ve spent any time in these parts, you know how I feel about making beds, but this morning I had an “epipha-me“.

I was thinking about choices, plans, wrong turns, course corrections and new directions.

There’s an idiom that goes like this:

You made your bed, now lie in it.
 

My INFJness had my wheels spinning on that one.  Mostly I was thinking about the individual who penned that classic phrase.  How stuck was she, or I suppose it could have been a he?  How dismal to go through life thinking, “This is it.  This is where I am.  This is what I planned for.  I’m here.  Better stick with it.”

How many decide that since they invested so much time in this relationship, or spent so much money on that degree, that they can’t make a choice to do something else?  Even if they aren’t happy in that relationship or with the job that degree landed them, they stick with their choices.

I wish I could have told the person who wrote that idiom,

“If you can make one bed, you can make another.
It’s okay.
Really.
Make a new bed.”

 

 

Guest Posts / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Survivor Support — 4 Comments
21
Jul 14

A Beginning

George Clooney's crescent wrenchSix months on the other side of divorce, this Thriver has fought the good fight, and now she’s ready to see what’s next. She’s optimistic about whatever the future may hold.  She knows it’s going to be tough to go it alone again, especially while raising a child, but she’s open to possibility and the opportunity to try again.

Maybe…  maybe a new beginning.

 

Guest Post by Anonymous

 A Beginning Continue reading →

Kids are People / Parenting — 4 Comments
16
Jul 14

On Trusting Your Teenager

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESHe’s a teenager.

We used to read each other’s mind.  I’d leave him in the living room with a stack of blocks and head to the kitchen to get him a snack.  He didn’t know that I was on my way to open the fridge, but he’d yell, “Bwuebewwies, pwease!”

And that’s how it was for years.

It did happen the other day in the car.  We heard a song on the radio and we simultaneously referenced a video we’d seen about an amazing guy who turned a carrot into a flute or saxophone – some orange wind instrument.  Anyway, on occasion, Will and I are actually on the same page.

  Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Postcards From a Thriver — 8 Comments
11
Jul 14

On What’s Missing

still life with pebbleA typical day finds me juggling agendas:

Will’s involving all things golf with segues into fly fishing or spincasting or minnow catching (aren’t they all the same thing?) and begrudgingly mowing a few lawns to keep him in golf balls.  (Did I mention I’m glad we’re done with fireworks season?)

Jen’s involving ways to gut a stuffed animal, fill it with tubing so as to mimic the digestive process of a ‘real’ dog (without the mess), trips to the craft store and coconut oil treatments on blisters created by spins on the horizontal bar that now graces the back yard.

Mine involves tending a belligerent garden, stopping up water leaks, pretending to write on a third book, finding new things to grill on the Weber and repeatedly washing the same three golf shirts.

  Continue reading →

Control / Random Observations / Stories / The Bartender — 2 Comments
8
Jul 14

“I Married My Mom!”

Fat Tire“I’ll have a Jack and Coke.  Hold the Coke.”

“Was the long weekend tough on ya?  How was the lake?”  The bartender reached for a rocks glass, filled it with ice and poured a steady stream of amber-colored attitude adjustment.

“The lake was fine.”  He reached for the glass and took a long sip.  “I married my mom.”

“You what!?  This weekend?  You did what?”  The bartender paused, bar rag in hand, waiting for an explanation.

“No.  Not like that.”  He took another sip.  “No, I meant that the woman I married is exactly like my mom.” Continue reading →

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →