Posts Tagged: cuz I am Woman

My Minimalism / Postcards From a Thriver — 8 Comments
11
Jul 14

On What’s Missing

still life with pebbleA typical day finds me juggling agendas:

Will’s involving all things golf with segues into fly fishing or spincasting or minnow catching (aren’t they all the same thing?) and begrudgingly mowing a few lawns to keep him in golf balls.  (Did I mention I’m glad we’re done with fireworks season?)

Jen’s involving ways to gut a stuffed animal, fill it with tubing so as to mimic the digestive process of a ‘real’ dog (without the mess), trips to the craft store and coconut oil treatments on blisters created by spins on the horizontal bar that now graces the back yard.

Mine involves tending a belligerent garden, stopping up water leaks, pretending to write on a third book, finding new things to grill on the Weber and repeatedly washing the same three golf shirts.

  Continue reading →

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Seeing My Path / Survivor Support / Words Got Her Home — 4 Comments
1
Jul 14

Whew!

seeing the roadWhew! Mercury goes direct today.

For those of you who don’t believe in such things, I’m here to tell you that it would be good to prepare yourself before the next Mercury in Retrograde.

My track record is spotty with surviving retrograde. This is the first with Will having his driver’s license. I held my breath for three weeks and we skated through without incident. We did have transportation issues when it came to who had the keys. That’s probably more a function of two drivers in a family with only one car. Can’t blame that one on Mercury.

Will did have a ton of computer issues with his brand new laptop. He seems to think it’s getting better. We shall see.  Will might be the first to tell you that those transportation issues also apply to rafts on creeks.  (Not letting him on a raft in a Retrograde. Ever again.)

Jenny kept her head down, but was quite distressed by some communication issues with her dad – more so than she has been in the recent past.  She blamed that on Mercury and her dad. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Homekeeping / Homeschool / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Tools — 16 Comments
23
Jun 14

homekeeping 10

homekeeping 10It seems I’ve entered my Nanny McPhee Period when grey hairs corkscrew from the top of my head and adult onset acne gets comfortable and refuses to leave.  I know this isn’t a beauty blog, but I’ve discovered a couple products that have made this phase slightly less Nanny McPhee-like, and it wouldn’t be right not to share.

I haven’t the bravery to Google – “How Long Will I Keep Getting Periods” – because if there’s a woman out there who is still getting periods well into her senior years, I don’t want to know about her.  I don’t want to know that I could be that empty-nest woman, in her 60s (because I will be close to 60 by the time Jen leaves, if she decides to do so), traveling to Italy, sipping red wine at a lovely cafe and having to excuse herself from the intelligent conversation at the quaint bistro table for two because she’s having a “period” emergency.

I can handle many things, but I’m not sure I want to know how long I’ll have to deal with periods.  No, I won’t be doing hormone replacement therapy.  I’m the anti-chemical, left-over hippy, who doesn’t put anything on her lawn, doesn’t own a microwave, and has never colored her hair.  I will not be taking some sort of chemical supplement to help me through this phase, even if that would keep my kids from wanting to kill me or move into their dad’s house once a month.  (Come to think of it, my mood swings are sure to bring about that empty nest.)

 

Primrose Oil has kept my kids from packing their bags.  I don’t know why it works.  I don’t care.  It keeps me from wanting to slash the neighbor’s tires when he leaves his car running while he’s in his house obviously looking for his car keys.  Primrose oil keeps me from hiding under the covers until my period passes.  I love this stuff.  If I’m telling you about it, that means it works. Continue reading →

The INFJ and the Narcissist - A Series / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 9 Comments
15
May 14

The INFJ and the Narcissist – Part 8

baby spoonShe hadn’t heard the ticking of a biological clock.  She didn’t have one.

She rarely babysat as a kid.  She never craved holding a newborn.  She didn’t know what to do around kids.  When she married at 33, she was pretty certain she wouldn’t be starting a family.  That was fine with her.*  He had adult children from a previous marriage, so he wasn’t pushing to start a second family.  She has no recollection of discussing babies with him.  Perhaps they both assumed that wasn’t on the table.

__________

 

As she looks back, she wonders if – in lieu of a ticking biological clock – what she heard were faint echos coming from a deep cavern.  “Helloooo up there.  Is this all there is?  Is this the amount of love you might ever expect to receive?”  And quieter still, the softest whisper that said, “Can you expect to survive on so little human contact or connection?” Continue reading →

Random Observations / Stories / The Bartender — 3 Comments
13
Apr 14

A Little Jack Daniel’s and A Lot of Advice

a little jack daniel's and a lot of advice“What’ll ya have?”

“Jack on the rocks.  And some advice.  Please.”

“Well, the Jack is easy.  We’ll see how I do on the advice.  What’s up?”

“I’ve been seeing an amazing woman.  She’s smart, funny, beautiful, independent.  She has friends and she’s tight with her family.  She’s had a few relationships, so she’s already worked through stuff.  Thing is…  I dunno.”

“Ah….  sounds like I better leave the bottle of Jack right here.  I’ll be back.” Continue reading →

Homekeeping / Homeschool / Parenting — 12 Comments
8
Apr 14

When the Organized, Independent, Single Mom Drops the Ball

ducks in a row“Mom, you know what I noticed about you?  You are organized.”

 

I have to be organized.

 

I know when the cat needs shots; when to change the furnace filter; the best time to plant sweet pea seeds (weather permitting); and when the frog needs his (or her?) water changed. Continue reading →

Random Observations / Spirit Guides / Stories — 2 Comments
2
Apr 14

“Why Are They So Angry?”

pots in west window“Have you noticed the anger coming out of them?  They are all mad.”  Gladys reached into her beaded bag for a cigarette.

Jon squirted oil on his bearings and gave the wheel a spin.  “Why are they so angry?  They’re alive.  Isn’t that enough to keep ’em from being mad?”

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you, Jon.  But all of them are angry.  Some of them keep the anger bottled up.  Some of them explode at the first provocation.  It’s a shame, really.  And by the way, I’ve made some fresh pie today – French Silk.  That was my husband’s favorite.  I made French Silk for every one of his birthdays.  In fact, I often made him French Silk when he was angry about something.  That’d do the trick every time.”  Margaret reached behind to re-tie her flowered apron.

Jon put down his board and walked to Margaret’s side, “My mom made a chocolate pie.  Is that what that is?  I’d love some.”  He takes a slice and leans against a grave marker.  “So, Gladys, what are they mad about?”

Gladys exhales and says, “It’s more about who they are mad at.  They are mad at their boss, or their boyfriend.  Most often they are mad at their husband.  A lot are mad at their mother or father.  Hell, they’re mad at everyone.” Continue reading →

Random Observations / Stories — 4 Comments
17
Mar 14

Walking on Eggshells

walking on eggshellsShe’d walked on eggshells in hiking boots.  She’d walked across eggshells in heels.  She’d even walked on eggshells in bare feet.  It didn’t matter how delicately she stepped.  She’d tried to step around them.  She knew the eggshells would cut the soles of her feet.  And still – every day – she walked on eggshells.

She could tell you how long she’d been at it – since before she’d married him.

 

Every morning, she’d walk into the kitchen and there they were – the shells scattered across the hardwoods.  She would step around them and grab for the broom.  She’d sweep up the pile as he was leaving for work.  All day long, she’d walk through the kitchen and notice that the shells were gone, but the minute she heard his car in the drive, the shells would reappear.

She’d find herself stepping over eggshells for the rest of the evening.  She’d serve his dinner while crunching over shells.  She’d clean up the kitchen while stepping on still more shells.  Most nights, there was nothing she could do or say that would make them go away.  But once in a great while, she’d do something right – she couldn’t even tell you what it was, but she’d look over her shoulder and the shells would be gone. Continue reading →

Moving On / Seeing My Path / Words Got Her Home — 10 Comments
7
Mar 14

To Whom It May Concern

You’ve fortified your boundaries.  You carry the cheat sheet in your bag.  Your backbone is stronger than it’s been in years.  You have a teetering stack of journals that proves the value of writing out your thoughts.  Most days you’ve moved so far beyond those old hurts that you can’t even remember the specifics.

And then it happens again.

He says something that cuts to your very core.  That one button is pushed – the one that only he can push.  The button you thought you’d melted and discarded months ago.  How does he find it?

You get off the phone and you shake your head.  Maybe you shake your head hard enough to erase the thoughts from your brain.

  Continue reading →

Homeschool / Random Observations — 2 Comments
3
Mar 14

Signs of Cabin Fever

athena's owlCabin fever makes me cut my hair, even though the results from the last seven home haircuts were arguable. The money I save from not getting a professional cut is diverted to gas for trips to the ski hill where I wear a hat and no one would see my fabulous haircut anyway.

Cabin fever explains irrational justifications.

Cabin fever makes me reach for the fettuccine as I re-cap the last seven dinners and realize I’ve been serving variations of pasta or tortillas since September.

 

Cabin fever makes Will beg me to take him for a Blizzard at Dairy Queen when the thermometer reads -12. Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Recipes — 17 Comments
7
Feb 14

A Happy Accident

magical buttery basil spreadI love a happy accident.

It’s fun finding a $20 bill in my ski pants.

Not long ago, I learned that a favorite cousin is also an INFJ.  It’s no wonder we click so well.

I happened upon an article about the many uses of Vicks VapoRub and came up with my own use  – no more cracked, sandpaper heels.

The other day, Jen and I were fondling the fabrics at Jo-Ann’s.  A friend from college walked by hunting for something.  She looked up and said, “Hey, I’m back in town.  Let’s get together.”  Now that’s a happy accident – either that or it’s the Universe answering me when I complained about a girlfriend moving and asked, “Could you please send another friend?” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Seeing My Path / Words Got Her Home — Comments Off on Fanfare is for Narcissists
22
Jan 14

Fanfare is for Narcissists

before it meltsFanfare is for narcissists.

That’s why – without all the folderol – I’m telling you that my books are available for free on Smashwords.com.   Visit my page on their site and click through to enter the codes*.

 


SMPath

Seeing My Path is a series of conversations I have with myself over a few road trips to a plateau outside the town where I live in Montana.  Sometimes humorous and often self-deprecating, the conversations are an assessment of some of the crappy choices I’ve made.  The convo progresses to the wake-up call that sends me in a new healthy direction.  I’m still heading in that direction today.  (Thankfully.)

When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code LU97P for Seeing My Path.

 

wghhsmcover

Words Got Her Home is a compilation of quotes and pictures that motivated me to get off the old path and stay on this new one.  It’s a quick read that I still refer to on some of my “down” days.

When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code RN36H for Words Got Her Home.

 

If you’ve enjoyed this blog, I think you’ll enjoy the books.

I’ve been on this path for awhile.  I’ve learned a lot about narcissism – enough to help myself and my kids learn to live a thriving life even while still dealing with narcissism.

It’s my goal to help others dealing with narcissism – especially kids.

The codes will be effective until February 22.

Please.

Get the books.

I hope they shed some light and encourage you on your path.

Thank you for being here.

 

*You can either visit smashwords.com and search for Jesse Blayne, or click on my page.

 

Lack of Empathy / Seeing My Path / The INFJ and the Narcissist - A Series / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 4 Comments
17
Jan 14

The INFJ and the Narcissist – Part 6

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAShe doesn’t know how it feels to marry the right person.  She does know how it feels to want to vomit right after saying the words, “I do.”

 

She knows how it feels to keep herself busy so as not to have time to wrap her brain around the idea that she’d made a mistake – maybe the biggest mistake ever.

 

She knows how it is to feel claustrophobic sitting in the car next to her husband as they drove to the west coast to hike on their honeymoon.  As each mile brought them closer to the Olympic Peninsula, her palms felt clammier.  She desperately needed to stop the car.   She couldn’t breathe sitting next to him.  Was this what it was like to have a panic attack? Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Survivor Support — Comments Off on A Wish for You
30
Dec 13

A Wish for You

a wish for you

My wish for you is that you discover
a graceful way to get your needs met
and your feelings acknowledged
in this bright new year.

Love,
Jesse

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Tools — 2 Comments
24
Dec 13

A Gift

a giftThe gift – a small, tightly wrapped package – arrived on her doorstep.  She looked up the street to see who might have left her this surprise.  She saw no sign of the giver.

She slowly untied the bow, all the while wondering what could be inside, and who could have left her this gift.  She tore at the wrapping and opened the box to find layers of white tissue paper.  She parted the sheets of tissue to find a smooth stone.  The stone was flat and round and coolly fit in the palm of her hand.

She discovered letters carved on one side of the stone.  The message read, “That is about you.”

“That is about you.”

She said it over and over again in her mind. Continue reading →

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