Posts Tagged: cuz I am Woman

Seeing My Path / Stories / The INFJ and the Narcissist - A Series — 10 Comments
20
Dec 13

The INFJ and the Narcissist – Part 5

beer makes the impossible possibleOften, it isn’t until after you do something that you realize how much you shouldn’t have done that thing.  So it was with marrying the narcissist.

 

In the flurry of preparations the morning of the ceremony, she was approached by well-wishers.  The look in their eyes should have told her something.  As over-thinking INFJs do, she assumed she needed to do more to make her guests comfortable.  Now, as she thinks back on the general mood of the attendees, she realizes those looks showed concern – concern masked by forced smiles.

What should the energy be on that big day? Isn’t it more about the marriage than the wedding?  Don’t two people grow together during the marriage?  Jitters and cold feet are present at every wedding, aren’t they?  The wedding was a formality.  The marriage was the true test of their rightness for each other.

Right? Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Random Observations — 8 Comments
2
Dec 13

The Care and Feeding of Your INFJ During the Holidays

Your INFJ at the HolidaysAren’t you lucky?  You have an INFJ in your life.  That means that while you’ll never completely understand what makes her tick, you’ll never be bored, and you’ll always know that she highly values the relationship she has with you.

Let’s try to make the holidays easier for you and for her.

 

Parties

This one is easy – invite her to parties.  Your invitation might sound like this, “Hey, I’ve got this party thing and I’d love for you to go, but I know you’d rather die, so I’m inviting you with the understanding that you like the invite, but you have no intention of going, and I’m cool with that.” Continue reading →

Stories / The INFJ and the Narcissist - A Series / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 14 Comments
25
Nov 13

The INFJ and the Narcissist – Part 4

the infj and the narcissist 4The narcissist held on to his money the way he held on to his image.  When it came time to plan for a wedding, she knew that being frugal was equally as important as his need to look good.  He had made it clear that this would be a small, affordable affair.  This was his second, “after all,” even though it was her first.

He did not make it clear that the planning would be left entirely up to her.

 

Her INFJ qualities drove her desire for a more personal ceremony – she hated being the center of attention.  This suited his desire to be the focus.  Because he didn’t have many close friends and only rarely spoke to his family, the majority of the attendees were on her side, which conveniently provided him with an opportunity to look good in front of people who didn’t know him well.

  Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Random Observations — 1 Comment
8
Nov 13

Easy, Jesse

easy, jesseEasy, Jesse.  What’s your hurry?  You’ll get it all done, and if you don’t, there’s an awfully good chance that it doesn’t need to be done.

There are no commendations for being the fastest laundry folder or having the cleanest kitchen floor.

You’ll get the emails sent, the books formatted and the bills paid in due time.

 

Make eye contact with them when they ask, “What’s for lunch?”  If they want you to jump off the shed roof into the leaf pile, do it.  Show her how to read a pattern and then turn her loose.  So what if he wants to learn every detail about waxing skis.  It doesn’t hurt you to pretend to care.

 

Have tea with your aunt.

Go to lunch with a girlfriend.

Stay up too late watching a movie.

Eat buttery noodles in a snowdrift of Parmesan and forget about protein for a change.

 

Don’t worry about keeping up with everything.  Not everything needs to be kept up with.

 

There is grace in taking it slower.

 

Easy, Jesse.

 

 

This morning I received these words from the Universe
in the form of a frazzled voice that sounded a lot like my own.

Postcards From a Thriver / Quotes — 15 Comments
6
Nov 13

Changing Her Own Life

Changing Her Own LifeI read and walked for miles at night along the beach,
writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly
for someone wonderful who would step out
of the darkness and change my life.
It never crossed my mind that that person could be me.

– Anna Quindlen

Seeing My Path / Stories / The INFJ and the Narcissist - A Series / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 28 Comments
22
Oct 13

The INFJ and the Narcissist

the infj and the narcissistShe was attracted to him from the first moment they met.  He was older by a decade.  The look in his eyes made her think he’d experienced enough to have learned; and the spark made her want to believe that he wasn’t done learning.

He was drawn to her intense desire to listen, and because she was an INFJ, he couldn’t help but spill his guts.  He told her details of his failed marriage, the trials and tribulations of owning a business while raising kids, and stories of adventures in the mountains of the west.  She soaked it all up.  The more intently she listened, the more he talked.  He thrived in her attention.

The more she asked, the more he told.  The more she listened, the taller he grew and the broader his shoulders appeared.

 

After one intense exchange, she briefly worried that if he got to know her better, he might not be interested.  She noticed that he seldom asked questions of her life.  Would he still be drawn to her once he learned of her dreams and hopes and failures? Continue reading →

Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations — 2 Comments
16
Oct 13

Do-Overs

 

orange and blue and do-oversHer head hit the pillow and all she could think was, “Can I get a Do-Over?”

 

At 2:30 that afternoon, she’d considered the possibility that it might be best to go to bed and put an end to this day.  She could pretend she had flu symptoms, make a cup of tea, put on her pajamas and bring this crappy day to a close.

But, of course, she didn’t.  She proceeded to touch more things that turned to shit.  She made bigger messes while trying to mop up other messes.

While running errands, she’d noticed the gorgeous fall leaves reflecting in the still blue river.  Blue and orange were complementary colors for a reason.  At least she couldn’t ruin that. Continue reading →

Guest Posts / Stories — 2 Comments
11
Oct 13

The Narcissistic Drive

narcissistic driveGuest Post by Zaira

When you turn down an unfamiliar road, it is uneasy. The curves and blind spots in the valleys are unsettling, but after a few whips and whirls, you start to feel the road. The car feels grounded and secure. You speed up a little and start to think this crazy road is manageable. Then you come over a hill that you hope will be the last and there is a stop sign. Screeching to a halt, you have lost all sense of security that existed. You want to turn and get off that road now, but the new direction is scarier than mistrusting the road you are on. Besides, that turn may leave you on a dirt road, in bad weather, and prolong the agony of the journey as either way is uncertain.

“I went down to the crossroad
fell down on my knees
Asked the lord above “Have mercy now
save poor Bob if you please”
Yeeooo, standin at the crossroad
tried to flag a ride
ooo ooo eee”

Cruising along thinking my road was not so bad, getting a little better, perhaps. Sure there were hills and valleys, but I have hit the stop sign. I swerved and hit the damn sign! I am caught off guard. My security is halted. My confidence cracked. Fear of the unknown has left me unable to back up, redirect, and make a choice on direction. I have my thumb out…

“I tried to flag a ride
Didn’t nobody seem to know me babe
everybody pass me by
Standin at the crossroad baby
risin sun goin down
Standin at the crossroad baby
eee eee eee, risin sun goin down
I believe to my soul now,
Poor Bob is sinkin down”

People are stopping. Checking out my ride. Shaking their heads. But no one can tell me what to do, which way to go. My heart is pounding…

“You can run, you can run
tell my friend Willie Brown
(th)’at I got the crossroad blues this mornin Lord
babe, I’m sinkin down”

That hill was steep! You need to slow down! You have time. Pay attention and stay calm. It will be ok. It’s a long road, but you will get there.

“And I went to the crossroad momma
I looked east and west
I went to the crossroad baby
I looked east and west
Lord, I didn’t have no sweet woman
ooh-well babe, in my distress”

Robert Johnson- CrossRoads

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 2 Comments
7
Oct 13

The List of Lessons

list of lessonsShe drew a thick black line down the center of a sheet of unlined paper.  On the left she wrote the names of people she’s known.  Some no longer played an active role in her life, and some impact her life on a daily basis.  Some stand in the periphery.  Others are knocking at her front door, and some sleep in the rooms at the back of her house.

They all carry clipboards full of notes.

A lot of the names appear on her Christmas card list.  It might be the woman she’d had coffee with on a daily basis in college, but now she was hard-pressed to remember the woman’s adult children’s names.  It might be the guy she’d lived with in college who made it hard for her to look her grandfather in the eye because of the whole “living in sin” thing.

 

The left column listed names of individuals – all of whom left a print on her life. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations — 6 Comments
13
Sep 13

It Wasn’t Supposed To Be Like This

She dusted the potting soil off of the rim of the clay pot. “Mom, I potted the Hoya clipping. They’re supposed to be in a north-facing window. Where should I put it?”

“Well, we have two options.  Let’s see if we can make room for it.”

“Did you have more plants at dad’s house?”

“Yeah, we had lots of houseplants at dad’s house.”

“How come?” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Random Observations — 11 Comments
22
Jul 13

On Goddesses, Full Moons and the Wisdom of a 10 Year Old

We were walking to the park.  The day’s heat was turning into the moist cool of night.  “So…  that was probably the longest phone call you’ve had with your dad in as long as I can remember?”

“Yeah.  Whew!  A lot… of questions.”

“Well…  what do you think?”

“What I am supposed to think?”

“I said that wrong.  How do you feel?” Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations / Stories — 4 Comments
8
Jul 13

When The Narcissist Leaves

I’d only seen her a handful of times since college.  She would come into town from the ranch and once in awhile our paths would cross.  My kids were younger than hers.  Her kids were stretching out in that teenage growth spurt phase.  I never seemed to recognize them.

We’d compare notes on kids and life.  Her life was foreign to me – ranch wife raising two kids while teaching in a one-room school and helping her husband as much as time would allow.

She had that outdoors look – lots of sun and wind and the way the elements make creases in places she didn’t like, but ways I envied.

One of the last times I saw her, the creases appeared deeper.  Her eyes had lost their sparkle.  She was beyond tired.  I assumed she was exhausted from keeping up with teenagers, school work, ranch life and marriage.

She didn’t have time to chat.  I didn’t ask any questions. Continue reading →

Parenting / Random Observations / Stories — 2 Comments
29
Jun 13

When Your Best Is Good Enough

She was flitting from one to the other.  She didn’t have time to look for worms.  Many times they may have been given a bit of sand instead of a grub or a Chokecherry berry.

She was doing her best, and her best produced plump, tweeting, happy teenage Robins.

Between three squawking teenage kids, the momma Robin was moving fast.  She’d barely get something in one beak, and a second beak was in her face.  In their birdy language, they were saying, “Over hear!”  “What about me?”  “Can I have more?”

She obliged with tenderness and efficiency.

I spied them from a window.  I watched as she flitted as if she’d never tire.  I was so proud of her.  She was focused on her most important job.  I said, “Hey, you guys.  I know what my next post will be about… ” Continue reading →

Random Observations — 12 Comments
12
Jun 13

“Hey, Lady! Back Away From That Black Box!”

It might have helped if I’d known more before finding myself teetering on the railing of a bridge, clutching a Black Box of cabernet.

Had I known, I wouldn’t have felt the need to write about how worthless I feel.

If I’d been told, I wouldn’t have frantically searched the yellow pages looking for a therapist to tell me that I wasn’t having a nervous breakdown.

It would have helped to know before I found myself wrangling with either wanting to jump my manfriend’s bones or figure out why he was trying to ruin my life with his very existence.

If I had known, I’d have understood why none of the usual words weren’t helping. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Random Observations / Words Got Her Home — 4 Comments
7
Jun 13

Put The Shovel Down

Put the shovel down and appreciate the progress made.

The endless lists – not just the ones posted on the kitchen cupboard, but the ones cataloged in her mind – had helped to get her here.  Those words had changed her.  She’d certainly improved.  When comparing herself to where she’d been even six years ago, she’d come a long way.

Breathing was easier.  Sleep was deeper.  Certainly her kids were happier.  But why was she still dealing with an ever-present dark shadow?  Why would she wake enthusiastic and light-footed only to run headlong into the shadow by day’s end?

She’d stop long enough to sit with an iced tea and settle her mind – to the extent that she could.  She’d approach her thoughts like an efficient, eager-to-please administrative assistant organizing piles on her desk into Handle Now,  Needs More Info, Suspends, and Circular File.

Which of the thoughts were coalescing into the dark shadow?  Which thoughts continued to haunt her? Continue reading →

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