Posts Tagged: humor

Child of Narcissist / Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver — 4 Comments
21
May 16

The Difference Between Boys and Girls

cat and air plantToday is the day we’ve planned to drive around in hopes a new kitten will fall in love with our family.  Last night, as we said our good nights and brushed teeth, we had a hard time containing our excitement.

This morning, Will has barely made it to the top of the stairs before asking, “What time are we heading out to find a new kitten?”

I assure him that we’ll go as soon as we’ve had a chance to ease in and have coffee.

A half hour later, I’m doing a coconut pull.  Invariably, someone needs to ask me a question, or I need to tell the kids something the minute I’ve pulled the spoon from my lips.  This morning is no different.  Before I hit the shower, I want to tell them what time to plan on heading out to hunt for a new feline sister.

Sometimes the communicating during a coconut pull works.  Whether it works or not, it’s always funny – a lot like playing charades. Continue reading →

Random Observations / Tools / Words Got Her Home — Comments Off on A Book Doesn’t Steal The Covers
5
May 16

A Book Doesn’t Steal The Covers

A Book Doesn't Steal the CoversA book doesn’t care if you fold the laundry “correctly.”  A book doesn’t care what time you put dinner on the table.  As far as a book is concerned, you never have to sweep the floor.

A book doesn’t expect anything from you.  It doesn’t get mad at you if you have other projects to tend to.  A book contentedly waits for you to find a moment to return to it.  You can give it 100% of your attention, or let it set there, by the bed, for weeks, before opening it up again.  Either way, you aren’t in trouble.

A book doesn’t get jealous of your friends or your family or your successes or the other books you’ve read.  A book doesn’t continually remind you of your failings, unless it’s one of those preachy self-help books, but it’d be healthier to stay away from those books anyway.

A book never gives you the stink-eye, or the silent treatment.

A book doesn’t mind if you eat while reading it.  It doesn’t care if you dog-ear its corners, or smear a skosh of peanut butter on one of its pages, although the thought of that makes me cringe. Continue reading →

Homeschool / Kids are People / Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver — 1 Comment
12
Mar 16

Homeschool at the Movies

Nina“Let’s watch The Martian.”

“Isn’t that like three hours long?  I won’t be able to stay awake.”

“Mom.  It’s o-kay.”  He says that in a way that indicates he’s impatient with me, and trying to keep his eyes from rolling.  It’s annoying – probably something he picked up from me.

“And The Incredible Hulk, too?”

“Jen?  Really?” Continue reading →

Random Observations — 21 Comments
15
Feb 16

The Art of Overthinking

empty plateIt starts with a benign thought.

I look at Jenny and say, “I wonder what I should make for dinner.  I’ll go look through the freezer.”  As I walk downstairs and head for the freezer, I wonder about painting the basement and look at the pictures on the wall that would need to be moved, in order to paint.  I see a landscape that my grandmother painted and I remember her friend, who taught painting, and where she lived and how her friend lived next to a gal I went to high school with and that gal now lives in Missouri and I start thinking of the flooding in Missouri and how many were forced to move; and I think of our move and wonder what people think of that and I think it doesn’t matter what they might be thinking, because what really matters is where I’m going to put a garden in the spring and that leads to thinking about what the forecast is for today and hmm…  maybe I should make a pot roast for dinner, because it’s quite overcast out there and this weather calls for comfort food; and I wonder if this overly long sentence should have more commas (or is it semi-colons?) and then I think that I never have known when to use a semi-colon, and …

I look down and wonder why I am standing in front of the freezer.

This is the odyssey of overthinking.  From my dreams, I would have to assume that overthinking occurs while I’m sleeping, too.  For me, overthinking is my constant state of being.

  Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 10 Comments
31
Jan 16

Attack of the Shoulds

attack of the shouldsI should read more.

I should exercise more.

I should call family and friends more.

I should push Will more in school.

I should get Jen to the skating rink more. Continue reading →

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / The Bartender — 6 Comments
30
Nov 15

I Do Not Like Green Pumpkin Pie

nature's still life“Hey Jesse! How was your Thanksgiving?”

“Well, we all came down with that stomach bug.  Only three of the four of us could even eat the dinner.  My pumpkin pie turned green.  And the dogs ate all of the salami we’d sliced for appetizers.  It was the best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had, and I’m NOT being facetious.  How was yours?  Oh…  I’ll have a Fat Tire, please.”

Hank laughed, “Wow!  You sound like a beer-drinking Erma Bombeck.”

“I’d bet she tossed back a few in her day.  Seriously, though, how was your turkey day?”

“Nice and quiet, just how I like it.”  Hank placed an almost over-flowing glass of beer in front of Jesse. Continue reading →

Moving On / Random Observations — 4 Comments
11
Aug 15

When Your Lizard Brain is Your Dating Coach

lizard brain dating coachIf your lizard brain stands in as your dating coach, odds are you’d better stay home.

 

Lizard Brain:  You aren’t wearing those shoes are you?

Me:  Why not?  What’s wrong with them?

LB:  Well, those heels will probably make you taller than he is, but it’s up to you. Continue reading →

Random Observations / Spirit Guides — 6 Comments
7
Jan 15

On Looking Back

antique espressoThe pie server made a scraping sound in the hard-packed dirt as she finished carving the words – Stop Looking Back!

“Margaret!  What on earth are you doing?  You’ll ruin your pie server.”  Gladys stood with her hands on her hips as she read the words.  “Stop looking back?  What’s that about?”

“Don’t interrupt me, dear.  I’ve got work to do.”

“But you’ll scare the bejeesus out of them.  What will they think when they see these cryptic words next to tombstones?”

“Well, they ought to have the bejeesus scared out of them.  They’re all wasting too much time looking back.”  Margaret stood up from a crouch and walked a ways to a new spot.  She bent to scrape again.  “See that one over there?”  She pointed to a woman in a business suit.  “She’s looking back over her career and wondering where she should have taken a different turn.”  Margaret nods her head in a different direction, “That man is looking back at how he lost his family because of his focus on his business.  And the gal in the dark glasses keeps looking back at what she used to look like, making comparisons to her current self.  What a waste of time!” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Kids are People — Comments Off on When the Apple Falls Far From the Tree
23
Dec 14

When the Apple Falls Far From the Tree

When the apple falls far from the tree“So mom…  you know that movie we watched the other night – the one where the gal worked for that mean lady, and she was miserable, but she stayed working for her for three years?”

“I know which movie you mean.”

She mopped the last bite of pancake through the maple syrup.  “Well, you can’t really complain if you’ve only invested a year.  And if you’ve toughed it out for like three years, that seems the time to make a choice.”

“Yeah?  Not sure where you’re going with this, but I’m listening.”

“But if you stick it out for 16 years, complaining all the way and continuing to be miserable, isn’t it your own fault for staying.  At that point, do you have any right to complain about that jerky woman you’re working for?”

“I see what you mean.  And as long as you remember that that also applies to relationships, you’ll have it all figured out.”  I laughed, “It sounds like my work is done here.”

“I knew you were gonna say that!”

 

Thank you for reading here.  I wish you quiet sparkles, warm hugs from those you love the most, peace by a fire with a good book in your lap, and an optimistic feeling about the new year. 

Be well, friends, and Merry Christmas!

Child of Narcissist / Control / Opportunistic / The Bartender — 12 Comments
20
Oct 14

The Poster Child for Narcissism

don't tread on me“Hey, you’re new in here.  What can I get you?”

“Oh, just water for me.  I don’t like to lose control.”  He sits on a stool a couple spots away from a woman seated at the bar.  “I think my ex-wife comes in here.  I was hoping to run into her.”

The bartender laughed, “That’s not something I hear very often.  You want to run into your ex-wife?”

“Yes.  I’m selling my car and I’m hoping she’ll buy it for our son.”

The bartender slides a glass of water across the bar.  “Tell me about this car.” Continue reading →

Kids are People / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 6 Comments
30
Sep 14

“Put the Pedal to the Plastic!”

Marina Motel“Mom, put the pedal to the plastic!”

“Huh?”

“Put the pedal to the plastic.  Look at this dashboard – everything is plastic.  Way back when you were a kid, cars were made of steel.  Nobody can say, “Put the pedal to the metal!” anymore.

“Thanks for clarifying.  I think.”

And from the backseat Jenny yelled, “Yeah, Mom!  Put the pedal to the plastic!” Continue reading →

Kids are People / Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 5 Comments
3
Aug 14

Will They Think I’m Weird?

Wearing flips in Montana“Will they think I’m weird if I’m repelling off the play structure?”

“Who?”

“The neighbors.”

“They already think we’re weird.”

The three of us were walking across the park to the play structure.  Jenny was carrying a climbing rope and harness.  She’d come up with a new game – strategically place 10 bind weed blossoms and try to retrieve them without letting her feet touch the ground.  In some cases, she needed to repel down and pick up the blossoms because she couldn’t access them from the structure any other way.

Will came along to watch.  “Why do you care what the neighbors think?”

Jenny climbed the stairs of the play structure.  “I don’t.  Really.  Well…  I dunno.  Is this weird?”

It was my job to gather the pink blossoms and place them around the structure.  We had the whole park to ourselves.  The sun was high and hot.  I was wondering how long this was going to take.  “If it’s fun, does it matter if it’s weird?  Well, not too weird, I mean.”  I found two more blossoms, “I hate wearing flips* to the park.  Too many pokeys.”

Will laughed as he tried to fit his long legs and arms into the only bit of shade.  “People aren’t really paying attention to what you are doing anyway.  They’re mostly thinking about how they look and what they are doing.”

I looked up from hiding the last blossom.  “That’s right.  Where’d you hear that?”

“You told me that.”

I squeezed into the shade next to Will, “And you listened?”

 

 

*A million years ago, I lived in Redondo Beach for a couple months.  I was asked to show my ID at a shop.  When the cashier saw I was from Montana, he looked down at my feet and said, “Wow! They wear thongs (I told you it was a long time ago) in Montana?”

Guest Posts / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Survivor Support — 4 Comments
21
Jul 14

A Beginning

George Clooney's crescent wrenchSix months on the other side of divorce, this Thriver has fought the good fight, and now she’s ready to see what’s next. She’s optimistic about whatever the future may hold.  She knows it’s going to be tough to go it alone again, especially while raising a child, but she’s open to possibility and the opportunity to try again.

Maybe…  maybe a new beginning.

 

Guest Post by Anonymous

 A Beginning Continue reading →

Kids are People / Parenting — 4 Comments
16
Jul 14

On Trusting Your Teenager

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURESHe’s a teenager.

We used to read each other’s mind.  I’d leave him in the living room with a stack of blocks and head to the kitchen to get him a snack.  He didn’t know that I was on my way to open the fridge, but he’d yell, “Bwuebewwies, pwease!”

And that’s how it was for years.

It did happen the other day in the car.  We heard a song on the radio and we simultaneously referenced a video we’d seen about an amazing guy who turned a carrot into a flute or saxophone – some orange wind instrument.  Anyway, on occasion, Will and I are actually on the same page.

  Continue reading →

Control / Random Observations / Stories / The Bartender — 2 Comments
8
Jul 14

“I Married My Mom!”

Fat Tire“I’ll have a Jack and Coke.  Hold the Coke.”

“Was the long weekend tough on ya?  How was the lake?”  The bartender reached for a rocks glass, filled it with ice and poured a steady stream of amber-colored attitude adjustment.

“The lake was fine.”  He reached for the glass and took a long sip.  “I married my mom.”

“You what!?  This weekend?  You did what?”  The bartender paused, bar rag in hand, waiting for an explanation.

“No.  Not like that.”  He took another sip.  “No, I meant that the woman I married is exactly like my mom.” Continue reading →

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