life « Surviving Narcissism

Posts Tagged: life

On the Meaning of Life and Other Vague Notions

“What’s the point?”

“The point of what?”

“You know… the point…. the meaning of life. Why are we here?”

Margaret laughed as she tied on a crisp new apron. “Well, it’s a bit of a moot point now, isn’t it? Besides, I’m not sure we’re supposed to know the point, Gladys, dear. I was always too busy wiping noses, folding laundry, preparing meals and helping with homework to have even a moment to myself, let alone any spare time to think about the meaning of life. What do you think, Basil?”

“I don’t know either, Margaret.” Basil reached for his ever-present thermos of coffee. “For a long time I thought it was finding a decent job and then I figured it must be supporting my family, raising decent kids and being a good husband. Now, I don’t know.” Basil put down his cup of coffee, “Hey, Jon. What do you think?” Continue reading →

Kids are People / Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 5 Comments
3
Aug 14

Will They Think I’m Weird?

“Will they think I’m weird if I’m repelling off the play structure?”

“Who?”

“The neighbors.”

“They already think we’re weird.”

The three of us were walking across the park to the play structure. Jenny was carrying a climbing rope and harness. She’d come up with a new game – strategically place 10 bind weed blossoms and try to retrieve them without letting her feet touch the ground. In some cases, she needed to repel down and pick up the blossoms because she couldn’t access them from the structure any other way.

Will came along to watch. “Why do you care what the neighbors think?”

Jenny climbed the stairs of the play structure. “I don’t. Really. Well… I dunno. Is this weird?”

It was my job to gather the pink blossoms and place them around the structure. We had the whole park to ourselves. The sun was high and hot. I was wondering how long this was going to take. “If it’s fun, does it matter if it’s weird? Well, not too weird, I mean.” I found two more blossoms, “I hate wearing flips* to the park. Too many pokeys.”

Will laughed as he tried to fit his long legs and arms into the only bit of shade. “People aren’t really paying attention to what you are doing anyway. They’re mostly thinking about how they look and what they are doing.”

I looked up from hiding the last blossom. “That’s right. Where’d you hear that?”

“You told me that.”

I squeezed into the shade next to Will, “And you listened?”

*A million years ago, I lived in Redondo Beach for a couple months. I was asked to show my ID at a shop. When the cashier saw I was from Montana, he looked down at my feet and said, “Wow! They wear thongs (I told you it was a long time ago) in Montana?”

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 4 Comments
25
Jul 14

Make a New Bed

If you’ve spent any time in these parts, you know how I feel about making beds, but this morning I had an “epipha-me“.

I was thinking about choices, plans, wrong turns, course corrections and new directions.

There’s an idiom that goes like this:

You made your bed, now lie in it.

My INFJness had my wheels spinning on that one. Mostly I was thinking about the individual who penned that classic phrase. How stuck was she, or I suppose it could have been a he? How dismal to go through life thinking, “This is it. This is where I am. This is what I planned for. I’m here. Better stick with it.”

How many decide that since they invested so much time in this relationship, or spent so much money on that degree, that they can’t make a choice to do something else? Even if they aren’t happy in that relationship or with the job that degree landed them, they stick with their choices.

I wish I could have told the person who wrote that idiom,

“If you can make one bed, you can make another.
It’s okay.
Really.
Make a new bed.”

Kids are People / Parenting — 4 Comments
16
Jul 14

On Trusting Your Teenager

He’s a teenager.

We used to read each other’s mind. I’d leave him in the living room with a stack of blocks and head to the kitchen to get him a snack. He didn’t know that I was on my way to open the fridge, but he’d yell, “Bwuebewwies, pwease!”

And that’s how it was for years.

It did happen the other day in the car. We heard a song on the radio and we simultaneously referenced a video we’d seen about an amazing guy who turned a carrot into a flute or saxophone – some orange wind instrument. Anyway, on occasion, Will and I are actually on the same page.

Continue reading →

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Seeing My Path / Survivor Support / Words Got Her Home — 4 Comments
1
Jul 14

Whew!

Whew! Mercury goes direct today.

For those of you who don’t believe in such things, I’m here to tell you that it would be good to prepare yourself before the next Mercury in Retrograde.

My track record is spotty with surviving retrograde. This is the first with Will having his driver’s license. I held my breath for three weeks and we skated through without incident. We did have transportation issues when it came to who had the keys. That’s probably more a function of two drivers in a family with only one car. Can’t blame that one on Mercury.

Will did have a ton of computer issues with his brand new laptop. He seems to think it’s getting better. We shall see. Will might be the first to tell you that those transportation issues also apply to rafts on creeks. (Not letting him on a raft in a Retrograde. Ever again.)

Jenny kept her head down, but was quite distressed by some communication issues with her dad – more so than she has been in the recent past. She blamed that on Mercury and her dad. Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 4 Comments
21
Mar 14

Talk Like an Artist

“So then I switched from the soft, muted technique you see here, to a palette knife technique. Do you see how it catches the light? Do you see the depth as the light changes? It’s fun to switch techniques and infuse new energy into the process.”

“I’m getting away from glassing each piece. I’m working on this new canvas that I found. Now I can work on a much larger scale. This canvas is bringing my work to a larger level.”

“I was out taking photos of buffalo for this sculpture and it turns out that it had been twenty years since the last set of bison twins. Those are the babies you see in that piece.”

These are quotes from three different artists. Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver — 1 Comment
10
Feb 14

When Chickadees Thaw Out or The Bitter and the Sweet

“Whew! How ’bout that last cold spell?” He hops further along the branch, “I was starting to worry that we wouldn’t have enough seeds. The humans weren’t venturing out to fill the feeders.”

She hammers at a sunflower seed to expose the nut inside. “I know, right? I wasn’t sure I could lower my body temp much more. You figure Mother Nature is on a holiday somewhere? Maybe she left town and forgot to turn up the heat.”

“Oh, that sun feels good. We might get a chance to thaw out a bit before the next storm moves through.”

“Yes, I should think the humans will have a chance to restock the feeders. We better fill up our caches while we can.”

Stretching his wings and fanning his feathers, “I know. But we’ve earned this thaw. We can spare a few minutes to just soak up some sun and sing without having to worry about anything.”

__________

I heard them this morning outside my window. The sun lit their stage. Pillows of snow topped the roofs of their houses. They were singing and chirping as if they’d feared they’d never warm up enough to sing again.

I stood for a minute and listened. They sounded frantic and excited and optimistic – like kids when the temps raise enough to go out and sled without the fear of windchill temps on a wet face after a face-plant.

And then they quieted for a moment.

Tucking in his wings and hopping closer to his companion, “So… if the humans begin to come out, does that mean the cat will be out again, too?”

And then the chirping and singing crescendoed.

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Seeing My Path / Words Got Her Home — Comments Off
22
Jan 14

Fanfare is for Narcissists

Fanfare is for narcissists.

That’s why – without all the folderol – I’m telling you that my books are available for free on Smashwords.com. Visit my page on their site and click through to enter the codes*.

Seeing My Path is a series of conversations I have with myself over a few road trips to a plateau outside the town where I live in Montana. Sometimes humorous and often self-deprecating, the conversations are an assessment of some of the crappy choices I’ve made. The convo progresses to the wake-up call that sends me in a new healthy direction. I’m still heading in that direction today. (Thankfully.)

When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code LU97P for Seeing My Path.

Words Got Her Home is a compilation of quotes and pictures that motivated me to get off the old path and stay on this new one. It’s a quick read that I still refer to on some of my “down” days.

When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code RN36H for Words Got Her Home.

If you’ve enjoyed this blog, I think you’ll enjoy the books.

I’ve been on this path for awhile. I’ve learned a lot about narcissism – enough to help myself and my kids learn to live a thriving life even while still dealing with narcissism.

It’s my goal to help others dealing with narcissism – especially kids.

The codes will be effective until February 22.

Please.

Get the books.

I hope they shed some light and encourage you on your path.

Thank you for being here.

*You can either visit smashwords.com and search for Jesse Blayne, or click on my page.

Child of Narcissist / Parenting / Random Observations — 5 Comments
14
Jan 14

“Mom, What is Normal?”

“Mom, what is normal, anyway?”

“How do you mean?”

“Is it normal to wear mismatched socks?”

“Well, it’s normal for you.”

“Is it normal to like crafts more than TV?” Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Quotes — 15 Comments
6
Nov 13

Changing Her Own Life

I read and walked for miles at night along the beach,
writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly
for someone wonderful who would step out
of the darkness and change my life.
It never crossed my mind that that person could be me.

– Anna Quindlen

Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations — 2 Comments
16
Oct 13

Do-Overs

Her head hit the pillow and all she could think was, “Can I get a Do-Over?”

At 2:30 that afternoon, she’d considered the possibility that it might be best to go to bed and put an end to this day. She could pretend she had flu symptoms, make a cup of tea, put on her pajamas and bring this crappy day to a close.

But, of course, she didn’t. She proceeded to touch more things that turned to shit. She made bigger messes while trying to mop up other messes.

While running errands, she’d noticed the gorgeous fall leaves reflecting in the still blue river. Blue and orange were complementary colors for a reason. At least she couldn’t ruin that. Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 2 Comments
7
Oct 13

The List of Lessons

She drew a thick black line down the center of a sheet of unlined paper. On the left she wrote the names of people she’s known. Some no longer played an active role in her life, and some impact her life on a daily basis. Some stand in the periphery. Others are knocking at her front door, and some sleep in the rooms at the back of her house.

They all carry clipboards full of notes.

A lot of the names appear on her Christmas card list. It might be the woman she’d had coffee with on a daily basis in college, but now she was hard-pressed to remember the woman’s adult children’s names. It might be the guy she’d lived with in college who made it hard for her to look her grandfather in the eye because of the whole “living in sin” thing.

The left column listed names of individuals – all of whom left a print on her life. Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 2 Comments
9
Sep 13

How To Paint Like an Extrovert

“Whoa cowboy! Slow down a bit. You’re getting the green on the ceiling.”

“Oh, sorry about that. This rolling is fun. Look how much you can get on the roller before you put it on the wall.” Will dunks the roller and I wince as he takes the roller from the tray to the wall.

“Yeah, it’s cool. If you go too fast, tho’, it’ll splatter all over the kitchen.” I stand at the ready with paper towels.

“K. But maybe if I do it thick enough, it’ll only take one* coat. Sorry about the ceiling.”

“That’s okay. It’s fixable, but we don’t wanna have to repaint the whole ceiling. Maybe you paint like an extrovert.”

“I know, right?”

Jenny walks over and asks for a little more paint. She takes the stir stick, dips it in the sage green and lets it run onto the lid of the paint can. “That should be enough.” She heads back to the corner of the kitchen where she creates a mermaid with steady, deliberate watercolor paintbrush strokes.

“I’m not gonna want to paint over her, Jen. She’s gorgeous.”

“That’s okay, mom. I’ll paint her again in my bedroom.”

“Maybe you paint like an introvert.”

“I know, right?”

*One coat of the sage green was enough to cover. :)

Random Observations / Spirit Guides / Stories / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 2 Comments
5
Sep 13

They Need to Talk

“Jon, dear, please remove your fingers from your ears. How will you break your fall if you should crash that board you insist on riding?”

He streaks by with an annoyed look on his face. He doesn’t hear Margaret. He’s trying not to hear anything. Tuning them out is not possible. That’s all they do. They talk and blather on and they never stop to listen. He makes another pass and stops in front of Gladys, “If I hadn’t lost my ear buds, I wouldn’t have to plug my ears. Have you seen my buds anywhere?”

Gladys exhales a long puff of cigarette smoke, looks at Jon and says, “What are buds?”

“Speakers. Ear buds are little speakers that fit in your ears. I plug ’em into my iPod and listen to music. You know, music? I lost my buds.”

“You mean that white cording draped over that marker back there? Are those the ear buds you speak of?” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Stories — 6 Comments
24
Aug 13

Born With Fine Wings

She was born with wings – just like everyone else in the forest. Like theirs, her new wings were tender, fragile and craving the warmth of the sun.

In those first few years, she’d been fortunate enough to dance in the sun on the light side of the forest. She didn’t spend a lot of time on the light side, but when she was there, she felt her wings stretch and reach and show their splendor. She would crave that joyful feeling her whole life.

Most days she could be found tiptoeing under mushrooms on the dark side of the forest. She kept her wings folded close to her back. When her wings were tucked in, she felt protected and safe from harm.

When she wasn’t exploring under mushrooms, collecting rocks or planting seeds, she would venture out to see what she could see. There she would find others – some with wings tucked in, and others with their wings spread. Those with spread wings moved about talking of the shapes of mushrooms or the colors of moss or the mess of pine needles covering the forest floor. Continue reading →