Postcards From a Thriver « Surviving Narcissism

Postcards From a Thriver

Will They Think I’m Weird?

“Will they think I’m weird if I’m repelling off the play structure?”

“Who?”

“The neighbors.”

“They already think we’re weird.”

The three of us were walking across the park to the play structure. Jenny was carrying a climbing rope and harness. She’d come up with a new game – strategically place 10 bind weed blossoms and try to retrieve them without letting her feet touch the ground. In some cases, she needed to repel down and pick up the blossoms because she couldn’t access them from the structure any other way.

Will came along to watch. “Why do you care what the neighbors think?”

Jenny climbed the stairs of the play structure. “I don’t. Really. Well… I dunno. Is this weird?”

It was my job to gather the pink blossoms and place them around the structure. We had the whole park to ourselves. The sun was high and hot. I was wondering how long this was going to take. “If it’s fun, does it matter if it’s weird? Well, not too weird, I mean.” I found two more blossoms, “I hate wearing flips* to the park. Too many pokeys.”

Will laughed as he tried to fit his long legs and arms into the only bit of shade. “People aren’t really paying attention to what you are doing anyway. They’re mostly thinking about how they look and what they are doing.”

I looked up from hiding the last blossom. “That’s right. Where’d you hear that?”

“You told me that.”

I squeezed into the shade next to Will, “And you listened?”

*A million years ago, I lived in Redondo Beach for a couple months. I was asked to show my ID at a shop. When the cashier saw I was from Montana, he looked down at my feet and said, “Wow! They wear thongs (I told you it was a long time ago) in Montana?”

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 4 Comments
25
Jul 14

Make a New Bed

If you’ve spent any time in these parts, you know how I feel about making beds, but this morning I had an “epipha-me“.

I was thinking about choices, plans, wrong turns, course corrections and new directions.

There’s an idiom that goes like this:

You made your bed, now lie in it.

My INFJness had my wheels spinning on that one. Mostly I was thinking about the individual who penned that classic phrase. How stuck was she, or I suppose it could have been a he? How dismal to go through life thinking, “This is it. This is where I am. This is what I planned for. I’m here. Better stick with it.”

How many decide that since they invested so much time in this relationship, or spent so much money on that degree, that they can’t make a choice to do something else? Even if they aren’t happy in that relationship or with the job that degree landed them, they stick with their choices.

I wish I could have told the person who wrote that idiom,

“If you can make one bed, you can make another.
It’s okay.
Really.
Make a new bed.”

Guest Posts / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Survivor Support — 4 Comments
21
Jul 14

A Beginning

Six months on the other side of divorce, this Thriver has fought the good fight, and now she’s ready to see what’s next. She’s optimistic about whatever the future may hold. She knows it’s going to be tough to go it alone again, especially while raising a child, but she’s open to possibility and the opportunity to try again.

Maybe… maybe a new beginning.

Guest Post by Anonymous

A Beginning Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Postcards From a Thriver — 8 Comments
11
Jul 14

On What’s Missing

A typical day finds me juggling agendas:

Will’s involving all things golf with segues into fly fishing or spincasting or minnow catching (aren’t they all the same thing?) and begrudgingly mowing a few lawns to keep him in golf balls. (Did I mention I’m glad we’re done with fireworks season?)

Jen’s involving ways to gut a stuffed animal, fill it with tubing so as to mimic the digestive process of a ‘real’ dog (without the mess), trips to the craft store and coconut oil treatments on blisters created by spins on the horizontal bar that now graces the back yard.

Mine involves tending a belligerent garden, stopping up water leaks, pretending to write on a third book, finding new things to grill on the Weber and repeatedly washing the same three golf shirts.

Continue reading →

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Seeing My Path / Survivor Support / Words Got Her Home — 4 Comments
1
Jul 14

Whew!

Whew! Mercury goes direct today.

For those of you who don’t believe in such things, I’m here to tell you that it would be good to prepare yourself before the next Mercury in Retrograde.

My track record is spotty with surviving retrograde. This is the first with Will having his driver’s license. I held my breath for three weeks and we skated through without incident. We did have transportation issues when it came to who had the keys. That’s probably more a function of two drivers in a family with only one car. Can’t blame that one on Mercury.

Will did have a ton of computer issues with his brand new laptop. He seems to think it’s getting better. We shall see. Will might be the first to tell you that those transportation issues also apply to rafts on creeks. (Not letting him on a raft in a Retrograde. Ever again.)

Jenny kept her head down, but was quite distressed by some communication issues with her dad – more so than she has been in the recent past. She blamed that on Mercury and her dad. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Homekeeping / Homeschool / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Tools — 16 Comments
23
Jun 14

homekeeping 10

It seems I’ve entered my Nanny McPhee Period when grey hairs corkscrew from the top of my head and adult onset acne gets comfortable and refuses to leave. I know this isn’t a beauty blog, but I’ve discovered a couple products that have made this phase slightly less Nanny McPhee-like, and it wouldn’t be right not to share.

I haven’t the bravery to Google – “How Long Will I Keep Getting Periods” – because if there’s a woman out there who is still getting periods well into her senior years, I don’t want to know about her. I don’t want to know that I could be that empty-nest woman, in her 60s (because I will be close to 60 by the time Jen leaves, if she decides to do so), traveling to Italy, sipping red wine at a lovely cafe and having to excuse herself from the intelligent conversation at the quaint bistro table for two because she’s having a “period” emergency.

I can handle many things, but I’m not sure I want to know how long I’ll have to deal with periods. No, I won’t be doing hormone replacement therapy. I’m the anti-chemical, left-over hippy, who doesn’t put anything on her lawn, doesn’t own a microwave, and has never colored her hair. I will not be taking some sort of chemical supplement to help me through this phase, even if that would keep my kids from wanting to kill me or move into their dad’s house once a month. (Come to think of it, my mood swings are sure to bring about that empty nest.)

Primrose Oil has kept my kids from packing their bags. I don’t know why it works. I don’t care. It keeps me from wanting to slash the neighbor’s tires when he leaves his car running while he’s in his house obviously looking for his car keys. Primrose oil keeps me from hiding under the covers until my period passes. I love this stuff. If I’m telling you about it, that means it works. Continue reading →

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 8 Comments
5
Jun 14

Coming to Terms with INFJ

“I’ve been doing this a few years. I think you’re the first INFJ result I’ve seen. Of course, most INFJs don’t take Business Management. Why are you in this curriculum?”

“Those career tests from high school indicated my aptitude was in clerical and organization, so I figured this was the curriculum for me.”

“Have you ever considered psychology or sociology or a degree in the creative arts?”

“They say there isn’t any money in that.”

“That may be true, but will you be happy with a degree in Business Management?” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Homeschool / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver — 7 Comments
29
May 14

“We Were Brainwashed!”

“Hey! Nice to see you! Isn’t this new play structure wonderful?”

“Do you live around here?” She helped one of her two navigate the climbing wall.

“Yes, that house on the corner. How about you?”

She pointed in the opposite direction and said they lived that way. “Geez, I guess the last time I saw you was at the grocery store? How’ve you been? Is Jen playing hooky today?”

“We’ve been homeschooling for about four years now.” I turned to watch Jen navigate the monkey bars. Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path — 4 Comments
21
Mar 14

Talk Like an Artist

“So then I switched from the soft, muted technique you see here, to a palette knife technique. Do you see how it catches the light? Do you see the depth as the light changes? It’s fun to switch techniques and infuse new energy into the process.”

“I’m getting away from glassing each piece. I’m working on this new canvas that I found. Now I can work on a much larger scale. This canvas is bringing my work to a larger level.”

“I was out taking photos of buffalo for this sculpture and it turns out that it had been twenty years since the last set of bison twins. Those are the babies you see in that piece.”

These are quotes from three different artists. Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver — 1 Comment
10
Feb 14

When Chickadees Thaw Out or The Bitter and the Sweet

“Whew! How ’bout that last cold spell?” He hops further along the branch, “I was starting to worry that we wouldn’t have enough seeds. The humans weren’t venturing out to fill the feeders.”

She hammers at a sunflower seed to expose the nut inside. “I know, right? I wasn’t sure I could lower my body temp much more. You figure Mother Nature is on a holiday somewhere? Maybe she left town and forgot to turn up the heat.”

“Oh, that sun feels good. We might get a chance to thaw out a bit before the next storm moves through.”

“Yes, I should think the humans will have a chance to restock the feeders. We better fill up our caches while we can.”

Stretching his wings and fanning his feathers, “I know. But we’ve earned this thaw. We can spare a few minutes to just soak up some sun and sing without having to worry about anything.”

__________

I heard them this morning outside my window. The sun lit their stage. Pillows of snow topped the roofs of their houses. They were singing and chirping as if they’d feared they’d never warm up enough to sing again.

I stood for a minute and listened. They sounded frantic and excited and optimistic – like kids when the temps raise enough to go out and sled without the fear of windchill temps on a wet face after a face-plant.

And then they quieted for a moment.

Tucking in his wings and hopping closer to his companion, “So… if the humans begin to come out, does that mean the cat will be out again, too?”

And then the chirping and singing crescendoed.

Postcards From a Thriver / Recipes — 17 Comments
7
Feb 14

A Happy Accident

I love a happy accident.

It’s fun finding a $20 bill in my ski pants.

Not long ago, I learned that a favorite cousin is also an INFJ. It’s no wonder we click so well.

I happened upon an article about the many uses of Vicks VapoRub and came up with my own use – no more cracked, sandpaper heels.

The other day, Jen and I were fondling the fabrics at Jo-Ann’s. A friend from college walked by hunting for something. She looked up and said, “Hey, I’m back in town. Let’s get together.” Now that’s a happy accident – either that or it’s the Universe answering me when I complained about a girlfriend moving and asked, “Could you please send another friend?” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Seeing My Path / Words Got Her Home — Comments Off
22
Jan 14

Fanfare is for Narcissists

Fanfare is for narcissists.

That’s why – without all the folderol – I’m telling you that my books are available for free on Smashwords.com. Visit my page on their site and click through to enter the codes*.

Seeing My Path is a series of conversations I have with myself over a few road trips to a plateau outside the town where I live in Montana. Sometimes humorous and often self-deprecating, the conversations are an assessment of some of the crappy choices I’ve made. The convo progresses to the wake-up call that sends me in a new healthy direction. I’m still heading in that direction today. (Thankfully.)

When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code LU97P for Seeing My Path.

Words Got Her Home is a compilation of quotes and pictures that motivated me to get off the old path and stay on this new one. It’s a quick read that I still refer to on some of my “down” days.

When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code RN36H for Words Got Her Home.

If you’ve enjoyed this blog, I think you’ll enjoy the books.

I’ve been on this path for awhile. I’ve learned a lot about narcissism – enough to help myself and my kids learn to live a thriving life even while still dealing with narcissism.

It’s my goal to help others dealing with narcissism – especially kids.

The codes will be effective until February 22.

Please.

Get the books.

I hope they shed some light and encourage you on your path.

Thank you for being here.

*You can either visit smashwords.com and search for Jesse Blayne, or click on my page.

Guest Posts / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver — 16 Comments
7
Jan 14

You and I – A Glimpse at a Healthy Relationship Beyond Narcissism

Guest Post by Zaira

You and I

You may never know how deeply I was affected when you came through the door at 7 a.m. Then you crawled in my bed, noting I hadn’t slept, and held me tight. You told me you couldn’t live without me, that you will always love me – your best friend.

You may never realize how you opened up your soul this morning or how much trust it takes to do that. Or maybe you do. Maybe that is the problem. I can’t give you everything, but I can give you a lot. A lot that your heart needs.

You may never know how much it took for me to write that text. The one that said not to call me today. The one that I wrote not knowing what you would do when you got it. The scary one.

You may never realize how much I appreciate you kissing my tears away when you don’t know what to do and how it is the perfect response. How much I need your honesty. Your unconditional love. Love that I haven’t had before. Love that can’t exist with a narcissist.

You and I may not be perfect. We may be indecisive, impulsive, and unsure. Our feelings are difficult and unmanageable at times. But this love and friendship we built is one thing we did right… you and I.

Postcards From a Thriver / Survivor Support — Comments Off
30
Dec 13

A Wish for You

My wish for you is that you discover
a graceful way to get your needs met
and your feelings acknowledged
in this bright new year.

Love,
Jesse

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Tools — 2 Comments
24
Dec 13

A Gift

The gift – a small, tightly wrapped package – arrived on her doorstep. She looked up the street to see who might have left her this surprise. She saw no sign of the giver.

She slowly untied the bow, all the while wondering what could be inside, and who could have left her this gift. She tore at the wrapping and opened the box to find layers of white tissue paper. She parted the sheets of tissue to find a smooth stone. The stone was flat and round and coolly fit in the palm of her hand.

She discovered letters carved on one side of the stone. The message read, “That is about you.”

“That is about you.”

She said it over and over again in her mind. Continue reading →

Surviving Narcissism Exploring life after marriage to a narcissist. Learning and thriving by sharing our story. – Jesse Blayne