Posts Tagged: encouragement

Moving On / Random Observations / The Bartender — 8 Comments
11
Mar 15

When the Other Shoe Drops

house cabHank had finished polishing the bar when two women approached and perched on adjacent stools.  He waited for a pause in their conversation before asking what they’d like.  He heard the brunette say, “Well, you know that I’m always waiting for that moment when the other shoe drops.  It’s the way I’ve always been.”

The blonde laughed.  “I know, but you have had the shoe drop in pretty much every one of your relationships.”

The brunette said, “Yeah.  Thanks for pointing that out.”  She looked at Hank.  “Hi, I’ll have the house cab.  How are you?”

The blonde said, “I’ll have the same.  Thanks.”

  Continue reading →

Random Observations / Spirit Guides — 6 Comments
7
Jan 15

On Looking Back

antique espressoThe pie server made a scraping sound in the hard-packed dirt as she finished carving the words – Stop Looking Back!

“Margaret!  What on earth are you doing?  You’ll ruin your pie server.”  Gladys stood with her hands on her hips as she read the words.  “Stop looking back?  What’s that about?”

“Don’t interrupt me, dear.  I’ve got work to do.”

“But you’ll scare the bejeesus out of them.  What will they think when they see these cryptic words next to tombstones?”

“Well, they ought to have the bejeesus scared out of them.  They’re all wasting too much time looking back.”  Margaret stood up from a crouch and walked a ways to a new spot.  She bent to scrape again.  “See that one over there?”  She pointed to a woman in a business suit.  “She’s looking back over her career and wondering where she should have taken a different turn.”  Margaret nods her head in a different direction, “That man is looking back at how he lost his family because of his focus on his business.  And the gal in the dark glasses keeps looking back at what she used to look like, making comparisons to her current self.  What a waste of time!” Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Spirit Guides / Stories — 3 Comments
24
Aug 14

On the Meaning of Life and Other Vague Notions

creek fishin'“What’s the point?”

“The point of what?”

“You know…  the point…. the meaning of life.  Why are we here?”

Margaret laughed as she tied on a crisp new apron.  “Well, it’s a bit of a moot point now, isn’t it?  Besides, I’m not sure we’re supposed to know the point, Gladys, dear.  I was always too busy wiping noses, folding laundry, preparing meals and helping with homework to have even a moment to myself, let alone any spare time to think about the meaning of life.  What do you think, Basil?”

“I don’t know either, Margaret.”  Basil reached for his ever-present thermos of coffee.  “For a long time I thought it was finding a decent job and then I figured it must be supporting my family, raising decent kids and being a good husband.  Now, I don’t know.”  Basil put down his cup of coffee, “Hey, Jon.  What do you think?” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Seeing My Path / Survivor Support — 18 Comments
8
Aug 14

Random Thoughts at the Five Year Mark

starting overwow.

This blog is five years old.

wow.

 

Things have changed a lot in five years.  We not only survive, but we thrive on a mostly daily basis.  The health of my kids (and myself!) is testament to the power of connection, the awesomeness of being heard, the cathartic healing found in knowledge and the magic of friendship. Continue reading →

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 4 Comments
25
Jul 14

Make a New Bed

make a new bedIf you’ve spent any time in these parts, you know how I feel about making beds, but this morning I had an “epipha-me“.

I was thinking about choices, plans, wrong turns, course corrections and new directions.

There’s an idiom that goes like this:

You made your bed, now lie in it.
 

My INFJness had my wheels spinning on that one.  Mostly I was thinking about the individual who penned that classic phrase.  How stuck was she, or I suppose it could have been a he?  How dismal to go through life thinking, “This is it.  This is where I am.  This is what I planned for.  I’m here.  Better stick with it.”

How many decide that since they invested so much time in this relationship, or spent so much money on that degree, that they can’t make a choice to do something else?  Even if they aren’t happy in that relationship or with the job that degree landed them, they stick with their choices.

I wish I could have told the person who wrote that idiom,

“If you can make one bed, you can make another.
It’s okay.
Really.
Make a new bed.”

 

 

Guest Posts / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Survivor Support — 4 Comments
21
Jul 14

A Beginning

George Clooney's crescent wrenchSix months on the other side of divorce, this Thriver has fought the good fight, and now she’s ready to see what’s next. She’s optimistic about whatever the future may hold.  She knows it’s going to be tough to go it alone again, especially while raising a child, but she’s open to possibility and the opportunity to try again.

Maybe…  maybe a new beginning.

 

Guest Post by Anonymous

 A Beginning Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Postcards From a Thriver — 8 Comments
11
Jul 14

On What’s Missing

still life with pebbleA typical day finds me juggling agendas:

Will’s involving all things golf with segues into fly fishing or spincasting or minnow catching (aren’t they all the same thing?) and begrudgingly mowing a few lawns to keep him in golf balls.  (Did I mention I’m glad we’re done with fireworks season?)

Jen’s involving ways to gut a stuffed animal, fill it with tubing so as to mimic the digestive process of a ‘real’ dog (without the mess), trips to the craft store and coconut oil treatments on blisters created by spins on the horizontal bar that now graces the back yard.

Mine involves tending a belligerent garden, stopping up water leaks, pretending to write on a third book, finding new things to grill on the Weber and repeatedly washing the same three golf shirts.

  Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Parenting / The Bartender — 8 Comments
13
Feb 14

On Our Fickle Self-Esteem

when an original wears an originalA woman walks into a bar…

She self-consciously focuses on her purse as the bartender approaches and asks, “What’ll you have?”

“I’ll have VO and water, please.”

The bartender pulls down a glass, “One of those days, huh?”

She fumbles with her wallet, “Not yet, but it will be by the time my kids get home.  They’re with their dad right now.” Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Seeing My Path / Words Got Her Home — Comments Off on Fanfare is for Narcissists
22
Jan 14

Fanfare is for Narcissists

before it meltsFanfare is for narcissists.

That’s why – without all the folderol – I’m telling you that my books are available for free on Smashwords.com.   Visit my page on their site and click through to enter the codes*.

 


SMPath

Seeing My Path is a series of conversations I have with myself over a few road trips to a plateau outside the town where I live in Montana.  Sometimes humorous and often self-deprecating, the conversations are an assessment of some of the crappy choices I’ve made.  The convo progresses to the wake-up call that sends me in a new healthy direction.  I’m still heading in that direction today.  (Thankfully.)

When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code LU97P for Seeing My Path.

 

wghhsmcover

Words Got Her Home is a compilation of quotes and pictures that motivated me to get off the old path and stay on this new one.  It’s a quick read that I still refer to on some of my “down” days.

When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code RN36H for Words Got Her Home.

 

If you’ve enjoyed this blog, I think you’ll enjoy the books.

I’ve been on this path for awhile.  I’ve learned a lot about narcissism – enough to help myself and my kids learn to live a thriving life even while still dealing with narcissism.

It’s my goal to help others dealing with narcissism – especially kids.

The codes will be effective until February 22.

Please.

Get the books.

I hope they shed some light and encourage you on your path.

Thank you for being here.

 

*You can either visit smashwords.com and search for Jesse Blayne, or click on my page.

 

Postcards From a Thriver / Survivor Support — Comments Off on A Wish for You
30
Dec 13

A Wish for You

a wish for you

My wish for you is that you discover
a graceful way to get your needs met
and your feelings acknowledged
in this bright new year.

Love,
Jesse

Child of Narcissist / Guest Posts — Comments Off on A Letter to the Children of Narcissists – from Santa
11
Dec 13

A Letter to the Children of Narcissists – from Santa

A letter from SantaHo Ho Ho!

It’s been a crazy year, hasn’t it? And you have been SO good. More than that, my friend, you ARE good. Every part of you is good, from your deeds, to your thoughts, to your disagreements with your sister, to your spilled glasses of milk.

Yes! It’s true. I’m here to tell you that no matter what you’ve been told, you are GOOD.

It’s hard to tell sometimes, isn’t it? Sometimes you get a look or a feeling from your dad or mom that leaves you thinking that you aren’t measuring up. Well NOTHING could be further from the truth. See, when they give you that look, they are frustrated with who they are. That’s right! They are mad at themselves. I know it sounds weird. I know it doesn’t feel that way. I know it doesn’t make sense that this big powerful adult is taking their frustrations out on you, but that’s what they do. They can’t help it.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. You already know that I have two lists – the Naughty List and the Nice List. You’ve probably been worried that your name is on the Naughty List. Well, your name is on the Nice List – of course it is, Silly! I promise. My Naughty List contains all the names of the narcissistic parents. Continue reading →

My Minimalism / Random Observations — 1 Comment
8
Nov 13

Easy, Jesse

easy, jesseEasy, Jesse.  What’s your hurry?  You’ll get it all done, and if you don’t, there’s an awfully good chance that it doesn’t need to be done.

There are no commendations for being the fastest laundry folder or having the cleanest kitchen floor.

You’ll get the emails sent, the books formatted and the bills paid in due time.

 

Make eye contact with them when they ask, “What’s for lunch?”  If they want you to jump off the shed roof into the leaf pile, do it.  Show her how to read a pattern and then turn her loose.  So what if he wants to learn every detail about waxing skis.  It doesn’t hurt you to pretend to care.

 

Have tea with your aunt.

Go to lunch with a girlfriend.

Stay up too late watching a movie.

Eat buttery noodles in a snowdrift of Parmesan and forget about protein for a change.

 

Don’t worry about keeping up with everything.  Not everything needs to be kept up with.

 

There is grace in taking it slower.

 

Easy, Jesse.

 

 

This morning I received these words from the Universe
in the form of a frazzled voice that sounded a lot like my own.

Postcards From a Thriver / Quotes — 15 Comments
6
Nov 13

Changing Her Own Life

Changing Her Own LifeI read and walked for miles at night along the beach,
writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly
for someone wonderful who would step out
of the darkness and change my life.
It never crossed my mind that that person could be me.

– Anna Quindlen

Parenting / Postcards From a Thriver — 2 Comments
4
Nov 13

“I Like It When You …”

"I like it when you fold the clothes."“I like it when you go outside to do your extroverting when you can see that Jen needs to introvert.”

“I like it when you engage with Will when you’d rather be introverting.”

“I like it when I tell you guys that I need help, and you willingly unload the dishwasher or fold the clothes and put them away.”

 

“I like it when all three of us want to turn off the electronics and talk about the weird dreams we had last night, and neither one of you is itchin’ to get up and leave the room.” Continue reading →

Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations — 2 Comments
9
Sep 13

How To Paint Like an Extrovert

“Whoa cowboy!  Slow down a bit.  You’re getting the green on the ceiling.”

“Oh, sorry about that.  This rolling is fun.  Look how much you can get on the roller before you put it on the wall.”  Will dunks the roller and I wince as he takes the roller from the tray to the wall.

“Yeah, it’s cool.  If you go too fast, tho’, it’ll splatter all over the kitchen.”  I stand at the ready with paper towels.

“K.  But maybe if I do it thick enough, it’ll only take one* coat.  Sorry about the ceiling.”

“That’s okay.  It’s fixable, but we don’t wanna have to repaint the whole ceiling.  Maybe you paint like an extrovert.”

“I know, right?”

 

Jenny walks over and asks for a little more paint.  She takes the stir stick, dips it in the sage green and lets it run onto the lid of the paint can.  “That should be enough.”  She heads back to the corner of the kitchen where she creates a mermaid with steady, deliberate watercolor paintbrush strokes.

“I’m not gonna want to paint over her, Jen.  She’s gorgeous.”

“That’s okay, mom.  I’ll paint her again in my bedroom.”

“Maybe you paint like an introvert.”

“I know, right?”

 

*One coat of the sage green was enough to cover.  :)

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