Posts Tagged: humor

Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Seeing My Path / Survivor Support / Words Got Her Home — 4 Comments
1
Jul 14

Whew!

seeing the roadWhew! Mercury goes direct today.

For those of you who don’t believe in such things, I’m here to tell you that it would be good to prepare yourself before the next Mercury in Retrograde.

My track record is spotty with surviving retrograde. This is the first with Will having his driver’s license. I held my breath for three weeks and we skated through without incident. We did have transportation issues when it came to who had the keys. That’s probably more a function of two drivers in a family with only one car. Can’t blame that one on Mercury.

Will did have a ton of computer issues with his brand new laptop. He seems to think it’s getting better. We shall see.  Will might be the first to tell you that those transportation issues also apply to rafts on creeks.  (Not letting him on a raft in a Retrograde. Ever again.)

Jenny kept her head down, but was quite distressed by some communication issues with her dad – more so than she has been in the recent past.  She blamed that on Mercury and her dad. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Homekeeping / Homeschool / Postcards From a Thriver / Random Observations / Tools — 16 Comments
23
Jun 14

homekeeping 10

homekeeping 10It seems I’ve entered my Nanny McPhee Period when grey hairs corkscrew from the top of my head and adult onset acne gets comfortable and refuses to leave.  I know this isn’t a beauty blog, but I’ve discovered a couple products that have made this phase slightly less Nanny McPhee-like, and it wouldn’t be right not to share.

I haven’t the bravery to Google – “How Long Will I Keep Getting Periods” – because if there’s a woman out there who is still getting periods well into her senior years, I don’t want to know about her.  I don’t want to know that I could be that empty-nest woman, in her 60s (because I will be close to 60 by the time Jen leaves, if she decides to do so), traveling to Italy, sipping red wine at a lovely cafe and having to excuse herself from the intelligent conversation at the quaint bistro table for two because she’s having a “period” emergency.

I can handle many things, but I’m not sure I want to know how long I’ll have to deal with periods.  No, I won’t be doing hormone replacement therapy.  I’m the anti-chemical, left-over hippy, who doesn’t put anything on her lawn, doesn’t own a microwave, and has never colored her hair.  I will not be taking some sort of chemical supplement to help me through this phase, even if that would keep my kids from wanting to kill me or move into their dad’s house once a month.  (Come to think of it, my mood swings are sure to bring about that empty nest.)

 

Primrose Oil has kept my kids from packing their bags.  I don’t know why it works.  I don’t care.  It keeps me from wanting to slash the neighbor’s tires when he leaves his car running while he’s in his house obviously looking for his car keys.  Primrose oil keeps me from hiding under the covers until my period passes.  I love this stuff.  If I’m telling you about it, that means it works. Continue reading →

Homekeeping / Homeschool / Parenting — 12 Comments
8
Apr 14

When the Organized, Independent, Single Mom Drops the Ball

ducks in a row“Mom, you know what I noticed about you?  You are organized.”

 

I have to be organized.

 

I know when the cat needs shots; when to change the furnace filter; the best time to plant sweet pea seeds (weather permitting); and when the frog needs his (or her?) water changed. Continue reading →

Homeschool / Random Observations — 2 Comments
3
Mar 14

Signs of Cabin Fever

athena's owlCabin fever makes me cut my hair, even though the results from the last seven home haircuts were arguable. The money I save from not getting a professional cut is diverted to gas for trips to the ski hill where I wear a hat and no one would see my fabulous haircut anyway.

Cabin fever explains irrational justifications.

Cabin fever makes me reach for the fettuccine as I re-cap the last seven dinners and realize I’ve been serving variations of pasta or tortillas since September.

 

Cabin fever makes Will beg me to take him for a Blizzard at Dairy Queen when the thermometer reads -12. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Moving On / Postcards From a Thriver / Seeing My Path / Words Got Her Home — Comments Off on Fanfare is for Narcissists
22
Jan 14

Fanfare is for Narcissists

before it meltsFanfare is for narcissists.

That’s why – without all the folderol – I’m telling you that my books are available for free on Smashwords.com.   Visit my page on their site and click through to enter the codes*.

 


SMPath

Seeing My Path is a series of conversations I have with myself over a few road trips to a plateau outside the town where I live in Montana.  Sometimes humorous and often self-deprecating, the conversations are an assessment of some of the crappy choices I’ve made.  The convo progresses to the wake-up call that sends me in a new healthy direction.  I’m still heading in that direction today.  (Thankfully.)

When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code LU97P for Seeing My Path.

 

wghhsmcover

Words Got Her Home is a compilation of quotes and pictures that motivated me to get off the old path and stay on this new one.  It’s a quick read that I still refer to on some of my “down” days.

When you get to smashwords.com, enter the code RN36H for Words Got Her Home.

 

If you’ve enjoyed this blog, I think you’ll enjoy the books.

I’ve been on this path for awhile.  I’ve learned a lot about narcissism – enough to help myself and my kids learn to live a thriving life even while still dealing with narcissism.

It’s my goal to help others dealing with narcissism – especially kids.

The codes will be effective until February 22.

Please.

Get the books.

I hope they shed some light and encourage you on your path.

Thank you for being here.

 

*You can either visit smashwords.com and search for Jesse Blayne, or click on my page.

 

Moving On / Parenting / Random Observations — 2 Comments
16
Oct 13

Do-Overs

 

orange and blue and do-oversHer head hit the pillow and all she could think was, “Can I get a Do-Over?”

 

At 2:30 that afternoon, she’d considered the possibility that it might be best to go to bed and put an end to this day.  She could pretend she had flu symptoms, make a cup of tea, put on her pajamas and bring this crappy day to a close.

But, of course, she didn’t.  She proceeded to touch more things that turned to shit.  She made bigger messes while trying to mop up other messes.

While running errands, she’d noticed the gorgeous fall leaves reflecting in the still blue river.  Blue and orange were complementary colors for a reason.  At least she couldn’t ruin that. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Parenting / Random Observations / Stories — 12 Comments
2
Jul 13

The EMBB – A New Category in the MBTI

“Here, let me turn down the radio.  I didn’t hear that one.”  We are driving down the main thoroughfare in town, heading to pick up Will at the golf course.  It’s sunny and warm.  We are in full-on summer mode – looking forward to running through the sprinkler and barbecue that evening.  The smell of sunscreen wafts out the window as we make the next turn.

We haven’t had a dad visit in a few weeks.

Life is good.

Somebody stop the clock.

Please.

 

“What did you say?”

She flicks her long blonde braid off of one shoulder, lowers the window and sticks her arm out of the car. “Don’t you think there are EMBBs?”

“What are EMBBs?”

“Well, you know how you are an INFJ, I am an ITP* and Will is an ENFJ?”

“Yeah.  Go on.”

We turn into the parking lot of the course and I am trying to figure out the letters.  E has to be extrovert.  I assume it’ll be something about her extroverted brother that is driving her nuts.

“EMBB is for Extroverted Meanie Bo Beanie.”

“Ha!  That’s perfect!  Do you think there might also be some IMBBs then?”

“Sure.  They’re just a little quieter about their meanness.”

 

 

Random Observations — 12 Comments
12
Jun 13

“Hey, Lady! Back Away From That Black Box!”

It might have helped if I’d known more before finding myself teetering on the railing of a bridge, clutching a Black Box of cabernet.

Had I known, I wouldn’t have felt the need to write about how worthless I feel.

If I’d been told, I wouldn’t have frantically searched the yellow pages looking for a therapist to tell me that I wasn’t having a nervous breakdown.

It would have helped to know before I found myself wrangling with either wanting to jump my manfriend’s bones or figure out why he was trying to ruin my life with his very existence.

If I had known, I’d have understood why none of the usual words weren’t helping. Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / My Minimalism / Random Observations — 2 Comments
13
May 13

My Elevator Pitch

 

I’m on my way to a dentist appointment.  I’m wearing a cotton skirt, sandals, a faded denim blouse and a smile.  I can’t remember the last time I wore nylons or had a manicure.  I’m thinking about how much more garden I have to turn up before we get to start planting. I make a mental note to stop at the hardware store after the dentist.  I’ll get washers to fix the hose, check out the bedding plants and grab a bag of briquettes.  It’s warm enough for burgers on the grill tonight.  The sun tea should be ready in time for dinner.

The elevator doors close and a woman in a tailored business suit turns, looks me up and down and says, “So what do you do?”

“Hi.

Um.

Well…

I guide two outstanding young people through the minefield of dealing with a narcissistic parent.   I homeschool, practice living on a budget, and work from home.  I wrote a couple motivational books for those in difficult relationships, and I’m working on a novel.  I blog about narcissism to shed light on NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).    Through stories and pictures, I show how good life can be when brave steps are taken to leave an abusive relationship.  Creativity, humor and harmony are on my list of priorities, right after my kids, reading and sleep.  I drink too much coffee and try not to take myself too seriously.

Thanks for asking.

What do you do?”

The doors opened.  As she stepped one heel out of the elevator, she looked over her shoulder and said, “Are you hiring?”

 

 

 

Child of Narcissist / Lack of Empathy / Random Observations — 8 Comments
3
May 13

Spiders Versus Narcissists

I watched the desert dust go down the drain and reached for a towel.  As I stood up after wrapping my hair, I saw the spider.  It had been hiding in the folds of the towel, minding its own business.  I stepped from the shower and laughed at myself.

In the old days, I’d have let out a scream.  I learned to stifle screams at a young age.  The best deterrent for a little girl is to have her dad make fun of her when she screams at a big hairy spider.  (Those screams inside my head were louder than the ones I dared to let out.)

More recently, I would have grabbed a shoe and attacked the critter.   If Jenny had been standing there, I would have gone into action and saved the day.

I pulled the shower curtain closed, leaving the spider to crawl up the damp stall.

I got to thinking about what scares me now.

 

I’m not afraid to travel alone with two kids.

I’m not afraid of heights, but I do hang on to Will and Jenny when they venture too close to the edge.

I’m not afraid of the dark or spiders or monsters under the bed.

I’m not afraid of strangers or big cities or camping in the woods.

I’m not afraid of wrinkles or gray hairs or mirrors.  (I am making progress on getting over my fear of swim suits.)

 

I’ve lived with narcissists.

Not much scares me any more.

 

 

Child of Narcissist / Parenting / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 2 Comments
28
Apr 13

You Can Run, But You Can’t Hide From a Narcissist

Leaving town is easy.  As you take off from the runway, you will breathe deep and relax.  You may even splurge on a cocktail for yourself and a couple of pops for the kids. You will count out loud the number of days that will happily pass without the stress of a dad visit.

She will exclaim at the wonder of being surrounded by family members who think she is wonderful.  She will not guard against snide comments. She will wear her hair however she chooses.  She may not even pack socks.  She will smile until her cheeks hurt.

He will laugh louder and not worry about saying the wrong thing.  He may not have to accommodate for several days because he will be with people who love him even if he doesn’t spend each moment trying to please them.  He will pull pranks and howl at the moon.

You will relax knowing your kids will be respected, enjoyed and nurtured.  It’ll be okay if they are loud and a little messy.  You won’t have to coach them about what to say and what not to say.

  Continue reading →

Quotes — 2 Comments
11
Jan 13

Life Happens In The Ricochet

 

I have the choice of being constantly active and happy
or introspectively passive and sad.
Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between.
– Sylvia Plath
 

Moving On / Parenting / Seeing My Path / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 30 Comments
4
Dec 12

On Red Flags and Starting Over

 

Does he monopolize the conversation?  Does he fail to ask of my life?

Does he care more about his looks than I care about mine?  Do I get to be the pretty one in this relationship?

Does he treat Jen and Will like they are a nuisance?

Does he have friends?  Does he get along with his family?  How does he talk about his kids?  How does he treat a waitress or the clerk at the grocery?

Does he act entitled?  Does he lack empathy? Continue reading →

Child of Narcissist / Random Observations / Tools / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 11 Comments
24
Oct 12

They Have Narcissism Radar

“Hercules was a big strong guy with long wavy hair.  Personally, I think he was a narcissist.” (The answer to one of her worksheet questions on Greek and Roman Mythology.)

“Mom, I’m positive Marie Antoinette was a narcissist – look at this picture.  She ordered a special palace to be built, just for her.”

“Who did Napoleon think he was, anyway?”

While watching the Grammys: “Mom, do you notice that it’s not about the music, it’s all about what they look like?  Do you have to be a narcissist to make it in music?”

 

They See Narcissism Everywhere

“Mom, do you figure only narcissists drive Escalades.  That name just sounds narcissistic.”

“Male lions have to be narcissists, why else do they sit around preening and expecting everyone to adore them?”

“Mom, don’t you think irises are narcissists?  Just look at ’em.  They stand up taller than the other flowers and then they die fast if they are neglected.”

“Mom, I love peacocks, but they act like narcissists.”

 

“Mom, you know all the Disney Princesses are narcissists, right?  Cinderella is the worst.  She’s always standing in front of the other princesses fanning out her dress to hide the dresses of the other princesses.”  (You can’t make this stuff up.)

“Mom, do you think Tiger Woods is a narcissist?  Why else would he act that way on the course and treat his wife the way he did?”

 

Even cakes can be narcissists.  “Does that cake really need that much frosting and decorating?  It’s screaming for attention.  It has to be a narcissistic cake.”

“Mom, you can tell from the outside of a building, if a store caters to narcissists.”

 

When it comes to the necessary tools for surviving narcissism, their narcissism radar may be the most effective.

 

 

 

 

 

Child of Narcissist / Control / Lack of Empathy / Parenting / The World Revolves Around Me / You Might Be a Narcissist If ... — 13 Comments
11
Oct 12

When Narcissists Carve Pumpkins

It’s highly unlikely that you’d get your favorite narcissist to spend an afternoon carving pumpkins with you.  They have much more important things to do.

But… if you find yourself on a day when the stars have aligned, the weather isn’t nice enough to do anything else, and you’ve sourced/doted on/adored your narcissist enough, he may acquiesce.

 

If he agrees, be prepared to hear some of the following:

 

“Hey, let’s keep the mess on the table.  Try to keep all the goo on the paper so it doesn’t get all over the house.”

“We don’t need those pattern thingys. Can’t you borrow some pumpkin carving tools from your mom?  I don’t want to have to spend any more than I have to on this project.  Besides, I can draw better than the folks that make those patterns.”

“Did you really just get pumpkin slime on your t-shirt?”

“Don’t draw the eyes so close together, that’s not what pumpkins look like.”

“We’ll keep these pumpkins at my house.  You guys get your own.”

“Make the mouth bigger.  You won’t be able to see it from the street.”

“No, that’s not how to do the eyes.  Here, let me show you.”

“Hey, watch it!  You got some on the floor.”

“Push up your sleeves.  You’re getting it all over everything.”

“You guys aren’t listening to me.”

 

At this point, the narcissist sighs deeply, asks you to hand him your tools and says, “Hey, I have an idea.  Why don’t you two go watch a show and I’ll finish the pumpkins.  That way they’ll be done right.”

 

On second thought, don’t ask your favorite narcissist if he wants to carve pumpkins with you.

 

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